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Three years together and still using condoms

Dear Eve

with Rosie Stone

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dear Eve,

What do you think about a man and a woman who live together and are still using condoms after three years?

— KJ

Dear KJ,

My first reaction to this is congratulations. This couple is not engaging in risky behaviours and they are doing the safe, sensible requirement to ensure that they both remain HIV negative.

The fact that you are asking this question suggests that you are not satisfied in some way with this arrangement. Please remember that there are many women who would like to introduce condom use into their relationship but find it very difficult to negotiate with their partners.

In this era of HIV when some women want to have babies, this is something that the couple has to sit down and plan around condom use. HIV testing should be a part of this process. Some women who are planning to have a child only forgo condom use on their fertile days (four-seven days depending on their cycle) and revert to condom use on other days.

HIV infection is a part of our reality so I would like to suggest that condom use in any relationship should not be limited to a certain time but instead should be an integral part of it.

HIV and MSM community

Dear Eve,

First let me commend you on this piece, not many people would take the time to write on this topic. If your studies are true and MSMs use less condoms than heterosexual men, then what should we do? Accept them? Teach them about the importance of using a condom? Or, should we try to eliminate them from our country and the wider society.

If a man can go around and have sex with a woman at least once every two weeks then it is, 1. Clear that he cannot be a trusted partner and, 2. That women should be more careful. These men are carrying around HIV and spreading it just for the sake of not getting caught. Your prominent businessman, although commended for his courage to speak, cannot be trusted either. I do not support homosexuality, neither do I support bisexuality. Can you imagine trying to keep a man against all the women in this world but to also have to compete with men!

— KK

Dear KK,

Your comments on my colleague's (Patricia Watson) piece on MSM were not directed to me but I would like to respond to some of the issues you raise. MSMs are a part of our society and as human beings, they are afforded human rights protection like everyone else. We cannot eliminate them because we disagree with their sexual orientation. The fact that there is less condom use among MSMs than heterosexual men is cause for concern but should not lead to exclusion from society.

We should be concerned because MSMs as a group has the highest infection rate (31.8 per cent) of all the vulnerable groups. The MSM in the piece, 'Should We Care?', was not HIV infected. Yet you are angry with all MSMs for spreading the virus. We need to find ways to sensitise MSMs so that their use of condoms will go up and the rate of infection in their group will fall. We need to find ways to include them as we grapple with this virus.

We have to remember that in Jamaica, the main factors driving the epidemic since 1982 have been multiple partnerships, early sexual debut, high levels of transactional sex (defined as the exchange of gifts or money for sex) and inadequate condom use. It is instructive to note that a 2008 national survey of the general population revealed that 37 per cent of sexually active persons participated in some kind of transactional sex.

I agree with you generally that all women who are sexually active should take an active part in protecting themselves.

You can send your questions or comments relating to HIV or related issues to info@eveforlife.org.

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Three years together and still using condoms