Jamaica Observer http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/ JamaicaObserver.com, the most concise and in-depth website for news coverage on Jamaica and the Caribbean. Updated daily 7 days a week, 24 hours a day en-us copyright Jamaica Observer, 2011 Caricom states commit to continue empowering women, girls http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Caricom-states-commit-to-continue-empowering-women--girls_74744 UNITED NATIONS (CMC) &ndash; Caribbean Community (Caricom) countries have pledged their &ldquo;resolve&rdquo; to achieve positive outcomes for empowering women and girls in the Caribbean as part of UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon&rsquo;s global-inspired movement and as a celebration of his legacy.<br /> <br /> Speaking on behalf of Caricom at a special reception Tuesday evening, convened by Ban on the &lsquo;Everyone, Every Child High-Level Initiative&rsquo;, Antigua and Barbuda Prime Minister Gaston Browne praised the outgoing UN secretary general for his vision that emphasises the enhancement of the health and well-being of women, girls and adolescents.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Your initiative inspired the formulation of this &lsquo;Every Caribbean Woman, Every Caribbean Child (ECWECC) Commitment; co-ordinated by Caricom and UNFPA (United Nations Population Fund), endorsed by the July 2016 Conference of Caricom Heads of Government and championed by Caribbean first ladies,&rdquo; he added.<br /> <br /> Browne said that the commitment places emphasis on achieving a series of goals by 2020.<br /> <br /> He said these include being the first region in the world to eliminate mother-to-child transmission of HIV; reducing the number of adolescent pregnancies in each country by at least 20 per cent; achieving universal access of adolescents to age-appropriate accurate information, as well as access to quality sexual and reproductive health care services and commodities; and implementing age-appropriate gender and culturally sensitive sexuality education.<br /> <br /> The commitment also seeks to adopt legal and social protection mechanisms for the prevention of all forms of violence against adolescent girls, and to demonstrate that solutions to women&rsquo;s health, especially with respect to cervical cancer, rest on an &ldquo;effective integrated health system, with emphasis on early detection, &lsquo;test and treat&rsquo;&rdquo;.<br /> <br /> Following Ban&rsquo;s leadership, Browne said Caribbean countries have adopted the &ldquo;He-for-She&rdquo; campaign involving boys and men as part of the solution.<br /> <br /> He said this campaign was launched by UN Women and the Jamaican government &ldquo;and is championed by two famous men &ndash; in no particular order of global importance &ndash; the prime minister of Jamaica and Usain Bolt.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> But Browne said the success of the &lsquo;Every Caribbean Woman, Every Caribbean Child&rsquo; campaign will &ldquo;obviously depend on fostering partnerships for this US$15-million commitment.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> He disclosed that Caricom countries have already gained the support of the Clinton Global Initiative and several UN agencies, such as UNPFPA, Pan-American Health Organisation/World Health Organisation, and UN WOMEN, adding that &ldquo;we have overwhelming endorsement from civil society at country level&rdquo;. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13303519/172055__w300.jpg Local News Thursday, September 22, 2016 12:00 AM Am I really pregnant? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Am-I-really-pregnant-_74156 SO the &ldquo;dirty&rdquo; went down a few weeks ago, and you have been toying with the idea that pregnancy is a possibility. One week has passed and your period is overdue; everything in your body feels off. Reality then hits when that &ldquo;pee stick&rdquo; has two bright lines! Pregnancy is a reality!<br /> <br /> Pregnancy affects every system of the body, and this is due to both the elevation and production of many hormones. What are these early pregnancy symptoms that accompany those two bright lines?<br /> <br /> 1. Shortness of breath<br /> <br /> Simple activities such as walking or climbing stairs may be associated with increased shortness of breath. The simple reason for this is that the foetus requires more oxygen and thus mom is deprived of her normal amount. This symptom usually worsens as pregnancy increases.<br /> <br /> 2. Sore breasts<br /> <br /> This is usually one of the first signs of pregnancy. The breasts start to become engorged and are very tender. The simple task of even putting on a bra or sleeping on the chest will become difficult.<br /> <br /> 3. Dizziness/fainting <br /> <br /> The rising hormones cause changes in the blood pressure, especially in the first trimester. As the body adjusts, the blood pressure normally falls in early pregnancy, which can result in fainting episodes.<br /> <br /> 4. Fatigue <br /> <br /> Tiredness is a common symptom and is worse in the first trimester.<br /> <br /> 5. Nausea and vomiting<br /> <br /> Most commonly known as &ldquo;morning sickness&rdquo;, this should be termed &ldquo;every hour sickness&rdquo;, as it can continue throughout the entire day in some women. At times, the vomiting can be so extreme that hospital admission may be necessary.<br /> <br /> 6. Gum/nose bleeding and excess spitting <br /> <br /> Because of engorged blood vessels in the nose and gum, bleeding can occur from either, for example, brushing teeth, or sporadic nose bleeds in the morning. Excess hormones can also cause excess saliva production, resulting in pregnant women continuously spitting.<br /> <br /> 7. Mood swings <br /> <br /> These hormones are no joke! Women can have bursts of uncontrollable crying to emotions of extreme happiness and joy to moments of anger and despair. These swings are all normal and usually remain for the entire pregnancy, so spouses, gear up!<br /> <br /> 8. Frequent urination/constipation <br /> <br /> The uterus is right in the middle between the bladder and rectum. As the uterus enlarges, it will start to compress the bladder and rectum resulting in the uncontrollable urge to urinate and difficulty passing stool.<br /> <br /> 9. Bloating and backaches<br /> <br /> Common symptoms which are very vague and are present from the early days of pregnancy.<br /> <br /> 10. Cravings <br /> <br /> In early pregnancy some women crave small and sometimes large amounts of random food items.<br /> <br /> 11. Spotting <br /> <br /> It is not uncommon to have some spotting in early pregnancy. However, if there is pain, it may be a sign of miscarriage.<br /> <br /> Once you suspect pregnancy, confirm it with a pregnancy test. If that test is positive, contact your OBGYN for him to guide you on your new journey<br /> <br /> Dr Daryl Daley is a consultant OBGYN at Gynae Associates, 23 Tangerine place, Kingston 10, and shops 46-50, Portmore Town Centre, Portmore. He can be contacted at 929-5038/9 and 939-2859 or drdaryldaley@gmail.com. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13236601/224041_51477_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Preparing your child for a sibling http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Preparing-your-child-for-a-sibling_74643 CHILDREN are impressionable beings; they are very observant and they, like adults, can sometimes read into a situation more than they should. It therefore should come as no surprise that when mommy&rsquo;s tummy bulges and everybody begins to get excited about a new baby, some children may begin to think that they are going to be replaced. While we know this to be false, they don&rsquo;t, and clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says that it&rsquo;s important to ensure that this thought doesn&rsquo;t pop up, and even if it does, that it is completely erased. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;The earlier you start talking to your child or children, the easier you will avoid any confusion. So you may want to try this during your pregnancy &mdash; talk to them in a language that they understand and explain to them as many times as it requires for them to be clear on all you have said,&rdquo; Dr Bell encouraged.<br /> <br /> She said that one way of helping to ease the stress that could come with a new baby is by helping the child to feel close to the baby before he/she is even born. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Tell them about the baby, and even try to get them excited about having a sister or brother. Allow the child to listen to the movement of the baby to help him/her develop an attachment even before birth, and allow the child to do this not only on your invitation, but by their requests as well. Talk about how they are going to help with the care of their baby brother or sister, or how great a playmate their sibling will eventually be to them,&rdquo; Dr Bell advised. <br /> <br /> She said that it is important, especially after the birth of the child, that parents stay true to their end of the bargain in cases where they may have invited the child to assist with caring for the baby and ensuring his/her overall happiness. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Ensure that you continue to include the child, even right after the birth of the baby. Be sure that you still make time for this child so that he/she does not feel neglected. A smart way to achieving this is by allowing him/her to be involved in the care of your newborn, so allow them to carry things you may need for the care of the baby. Let them help you with carrying the diaper, bottle, or the baby&rsquo;s laundry; allow them to talk to and touch the baby while you supervise and so on.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> She pointed out that while the newborn baby will require a lot of attention, especially when you have the support of family, you should try to balance the time that you spend with both children to avoid the older child/children becoming jealous.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The idea of the child becoming jealous of the newborn depends largely on how parents share the time between baby and an older child. So while the formula should be involvement in the care of the newborn so you could spend time with the children at the same time, you should not stop doing the things you did for the older child like reading to them, being their play dates, doing chores, or fun activities together. Above all, never stop reassuring the child of your love during this period,&rdquo; Dr Bell said. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300301/229669_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Can single mothers effectively raise boys? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Can-single-mothers-effectively-raise-boys-_73296 NUMEROUS pieces of research have shown that boys who have contact with their fathers are generally healthier in all aspects of their lives, including academics, mental and psychological health, and are more socially rounded. But according to clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell, this in no way suggests that boys raised by single mothers are at a disadvantage.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Boys raised by their mothers are not broken men. Some of the most successful men we see every day were raised by single mothers. So, to a question of the ability of single mothers to raise great sons, my answer would be a resounding yes,&rdquo; Dr Bell said.<br /> <br /> She pointed out that interesting new pieces of research have cited increased cases where children who grow up in single-parent homes &ndash; usually with the mother as head &ndash; do better than they would in dysfunctional two-parent families.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Single mothers can effectively raise children. In fact, they have been doing so for years. A single mother in a steady job with good parenting skills can raise her children well, avoiding the developmental, financial and psychological ills that are generally associated with households that consist of just boys and their mothers,&rdquo; Dr Bell explained.<br /> <br /> However, she agreed that single-parent households, particularly those of single mothers, undoubtedly will encounter many challenges, which may be linked primarily to finances.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Single mothers, oftentimes without the financial and emotional support of the child&rsquo;s father, will have challenges accessing many crucial services. However, a single mother determined to grow a child in a healthy way usually tries to satisfy the child&rsquo;s need for shelter, love, health and an education because a mother knows these are crucial to the well-being of her children,&rdquo; Dr Bell shared.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The parent provides emotional support. In my practice, I see single mothers toil really hard to ensure their children succeed. The problem is often a yearning for the father if he is not involved in the child&rsquo;s life,&rdquo; she added.<br /> <br /> Below Dr Bell shares other tips that single mothers could incorporate in their child-rearing efforts to ensure that their boys are given the advantage of growing into well-balanced young men:<br /> <br /> 1. Love and affection should be shown in abundance <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Be sure to read to your child, and engage him in playtime activities. Do things that he likes and engage him in conversations from every genre. You want him to know that he should feel comfortable talking to you about everything,&rdquo; Dr Bell said.<br /> <br /> 2. Never spoil your children with gifts to make up for lost time<br /> <br /> She said to avoid this, remember to make arrangements with your boss so that your child does not feel neglected by you. &ldquo;They may already feel that way about their father.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> 3. Abandon the notion that boys should be allowed to be boys <br /> <br /> The clinical psychologist said you may want to reconsider laughing at rogue behaviours, tantrums, being allowed to stay out late hours and not participating in household chores. <br /> <br /> 4. Teach them to be accountable <br /> <br /> Dr Bell said boys should know that there are consequences for breaking contracts that you make with them. &ldquo;When they know they have things to do around the house, this also teaches responsibility,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> 5. Boundaries, limits, and respect should be taught at home<br /> <br /> She said you should ensure that caregivers in your absence have knowledge of the rules that you have set down and will not contradict these or your discipline techniques. &ldquo;Children require consistency, and this will encourage that,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> Dr Bell argued that single mothers, while they may have differences with the father of their children, should be careful that this does not extend into or jeopardise the possibility of their sons having a father-son relationship with their dads, unless he is known to be abusive and may cause harm to the child. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is important that if fathers want to be a part of the children&rsquo;s lives, single mothers allow this in the best interest of the child. Do not spite the father by using the child, because you not only would have ruined the possibility of a beautiful relationship and a healthier child, but you could also cause the child to resent you because of a decision made out of anger.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Dr Bell also pointed out that parents who stay together for the sake of their children, especially in light of daunting statistics, could be causing more harm than good.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;If two parents live under the same roof and are in a discordant relationship, it can be more detrimental to the child than a single parent carrying out healthy functions,&rdquo; she said. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300339/228829_56871_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Photo: I&rsquo;m Maalik http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--I-m-Maalik_74648 Maalik Lloyd is loved by dad David, mom Nickole and sister Jordanne. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300307/229673_56905_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Photo: Happy birthday http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--Happy-birthday_74647 Happy first birthday to princess Jada-Kaye LaCraig Brown. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300303/229671_56906_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Photo: Belated happy birthday http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--Belated-happy-birthday_74645 Belated first-birthday greetings to princess Leah from mom, dad and the rest of your family and friends. Her birthday was September 19. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300302/229661_56908_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Photo: Guess what? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--Guess-what-_74639 Model: Salayha Brissett http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300224/229654_56881_repro_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 21, 2016 12:00 AM Are women seeking power scrutinised more harshly? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Are-women-seeking-power-scrutinised-more-harshly- HILLARY Clinton&rsquo;s &lsquo;collapse&rsquo; during the 9/11 memorial in New York last week had many people questioning her competency, as like many women before her, in her quest to shatter the glass ceiling, she has been scrutinised to a degree like no other. The immediate media backlash that followed Clinton&rsquo;s brief malady also raised the point about whether women seeking power positions were judged more harshly than men. Indeed, several male presidents had got sick while in office without similar furore, while women worldwide have said they&rsquo;ve had to work through pain and illness without complaining, as complaining would make them seem weak.<br /> <br /> All Woman asked several local women in power their views on the issue, and whether they were scrutinised more than men when it came to getting in their positions.<br /> <br /> Kelly Tomblin, president and CEO of Jamaica Public Service Co:<br /> <br /> I think many of us have a problem with being vulnerable as female leaders. This is something we have been taught and it&rsquo;s often embedded in the subconscious, so that we don&rsquo;t even realise it. We&rsquo;ve been told that to be sick is to be weak. We all know the song, &lsquo;I am woman, hear me roar&hellip; I am strong, I am invincible&rsquo;, and because of that we often feel like we don&rsquo;t have permission to be human. If I was coaching Hillary, I would tell her to be open to being vulnerable, warts and all, and people will love you for it. I would tell her to be transparent, fearlessly so, and it will also help to give others around her freedom to be transparent. I do hope that she has a speedy and complete recovery.<br /> <br /> Diahann Gordon-Harrison, Children&rsquo;s Advocate & former Deputy Director of Public Prosecutions:<br /> <br /> There are some instances I can think of very clearly where people were just harsher. There is almost an expectation in some quarters that you won&rsquo;t do as well because you&rsquo;re not as structured as, you&rsquo;re not as disciplined as, or you&rsquo;re not as good as a man. But there are also some instances where women use that almost as an excuse not to perform well and give in to what I call the gender card &mdash; to say men would do it perhaps a little better. With regards to my field, which is law, and being someone who practised criminal law for a number of years, you find sometimes that there is almost an expectation that men are better at criminal law because it&rsquo;s a dirtier field, so to speak, or it is a rougher field. So you find that some women use that and play that as an excuse for not giving of their best, because all in all I feel that there are many instances that you can point to that women judge women more harshly. Also, women who are in leadership positions are held to a higher level of account, particularly by other women, in terms of when you compare it with our male counterparts.<br /> <br /> Rosalee Gage-Grey, CEO, Child Development Agency:<br /> <br /> The difference is that I&rsquo;m in female-dominated industry &mdash; child protection. So the general feeling is that women would be part of the majority. The two CEOs before me were women so though we have males working in the industry, the general thing is that it is a woman-dominated field. I didn&rsquo;t feel that I was scrutinised differently. I worked before in a male-dominated field and I got along well there. I didn&rsquo;t get the impression they felt because I was a woman I would slack off because I was sick or otherwise. However, I can understand how women would feel in a situation like that because of the stereotypes that are there about women and seemingly being the weaker sex. But over time we&rsquo;ve shown that we are strong, very resilient, and spend much more time taking care of our health than the traditional male, and we are quicker to get the attention and seek redress to the issues that affect us. But what we might not do so well is see the warning signs of burnout and stress because we want to achieve and hence go all out even when we&rsquo;re not feeling well.<br /> <br /> Rhona Morgan, Attorney-at-law and Senior Legal Officer, INDECOM:<br /> <br /> In getting to a senior position within my organisation, there was no male counterpart with whom to compete; just two young women whose work and work ethic spoke for itself. However, as a new mom, I remember being unable to go to the court to personally see to the signing of an order as I was ill, and being cautioned by one counsel that pregnancy ought not to be an excuse. In fact, I felt compelled to go above and beyond, even at times to my detriment, just to ensure that my pregnancy was not seen as an impediment to my performance. What we have is a widespread and improperly held perception that women are weaker or less competent than their male counterparts. Though many have proven that this is not the case, some cannot seem to dispel the idea that women are not up to par. It is quite unfortunate and pathetic that the rhetoric surrounding Mrs Clinton&rsquo;s diagnosis is one which questions her competence, and even more unfortunate that her being female is a part of the discourse.<br /> <br /> Cecile Charlton, dancehall artiste:<br /> <br /> Of course women are scrutinised more. I actually thought to myself, had that been a man, people would automatically say, &lsquo;Oh, he&rsquo;s exhausted, he&rsquo;s working too hard or he just plain has pneumonia&rsquo;. When it&rsquo;s a woman, it suddenly becomes everything else than just what it is. No one mentions just how long this woman has been serving her country, day after day, year after year, and apparently she doesn&rsquo;t get sick days. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13300187/kelly_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 9:47 AM Obesity and contraception http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Obesity-and-contraception_72651 OBESITY is a global epidemic affecting an increasing proportion of reproductive-aged women in many aspects of their lives, including reproduction.<br /> <br /> Dr Daryl Daley, obstetrician-gynaecologist (ObGyn) at Gynae Associates, explained that obesity can affect the efficacy of some hormonal contraception.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Some 66 per cent of Americans are overweight or obese, and Jamaica is not that far behind,&ldquo; he said.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Also, obese women are at a higher risk of unintended pregnancies than their non-obese counterparts. It is important that these women are adequately counselled on the best contraception for them.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Dr Daley said the combined oral contraceptive pill (COCP) is a combination of oestrogen and progesterone and works by preventing egg release from the ovaries. He said it places the overweight and obese woman at an increased risk of blood clot formation and thus sudden death.<br /> <br /> Also, he said, because of the excess fat tissue, the active components of the pills are not broken down by the body and used effectively, leading to increased chances of failure and unintended pregnancies.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;This failure is similar for the contraceptive patch and the vaginal ring which are alternate contraceptive devices which contain oestrogen,&rdquo; Dr Daley said. &ldquo;The progesterone-only pills and injections provide a much safer alternative when compared to the COCP as there is no oestrogen in them, and no additional risk of developing a blood clot formation.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> However, the ObGyn explained that unfortunately the progesterone-only pill is not available in Jamaica and a great disadvantage of it is that it has to be taken at the same time every day to be effective, as it is less forgiving with missed pills when compared to the COCP.<br /> <br /> He also pointed out that the Depo Provera injection contains progesterone which is given in the muscle every 12 weeks, but said the greatest disadvantage of this method is unscheduled and unpredictable bleeding. <br /> <br /> With regards to the progesterone skin implant, Dr Daley said it is not recommended in obese patients as it results in higher failure rates secondary to excess fat tissue.<br /> <br /> Barrier contraception in the form of condoms, he said, is recommended and highly effective in overweight and obese patients if used correctly.<br /> <br /> Additionally, Dr Daley said long acting reversible contraception, namely the intra uterine contraceptive device, proves extremely beneficial for overweight and obese patients.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;They both are long-acting (10 years for Copper T and five years for the Mirena). They are extremely safe, easy to insert by a medical professional, and they offer good efficacy with low failure rates. When fertility is desired, they can be easily removed,&rdquo; he explained.<br /> <br /> The ObGyn pointed out that the emergency contraception which is taken up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse is associated with up to four times the failure rate in overweight and obese patients when compared to their counterparts.<br /> <br /> Dr Daley said bariatric surgery has recently become very popular in Jamaica, but cautioned that some forms of bariatric surgery are associated with increased failure rates of COCPs, as the body fails to absorb and use the components of the pills effectively.<br /> <br /> He said these patients must be adequately counselled on the type of surgery and contraceptive desires in the future.<br /> <br /> Dr Daley added that for these women, sterilisation can be offered to them if they have no future fertility desires and explained that laparoscopic surgery for sterilisation has been proven to be relatively safe in the obese/overweight patient, and failure rates are extremely low. <br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13296982/226107__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM VOWS: To Have & To Hold http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/To-Have---To-Hold_73753 Their jobs played a decisive role in the romance between Althea Bryan, managing director of Blue Mountain Bicycle Tours Ltd, and Orlando Dawkins of Jamaica Tours Ltd. The scenic tours that they planned for their respective clients foreshadowed the journey they would eventually make to the altar on August 13, 2016. Vows fills you in.<br /> <br /> The initial encounter..<br /> <br /> In 2010, Orlando was entrusted with the task of assessing Althea&rsquo;s company as a tourist attraction. Althea made several attempts to reach him to have the evaluation done, but was unsuccessful. &ldquo;He took an extremely long time to respond to me, but when he finally did, and drove to Ocho Rios, an instant connection was made between us,&rdquo; she shared. Althea did not hide her feelings for Orlando: &ldquo;She kept calling constantly for no reason, which made me realise she was on to something, and I was too,&rdquo; he said. After many calls, strings of exchanged text messages, and several &ldquo;business&rdquo; meetings, the duo decided to start dating. Their first date was at Spring Gardens Seafood and Steakhouse in Ocho Rios, and from that moment the courtship officially began.<br /> <br /> The proposal<br /> <br /> The subject of marriage kept cropping up over the next four years, during which they professed their undying love for each other and their mutual desire to spend the rest of their lives together. Choosing the right moment to pop the question was important for Orlando. While vacationing for their birthdays during November of 2014 in Manhattan, New York, Orlando decided to purchase the ring and conceal it in anticipation of the right moment. One November evening, while at home with Althea&rsquo;s family, he suddenly got down on one knee, ready to propose in full view of everyone. Although Althea and her family were completely caught off guard, they screamed &ldquo;YES&rdquo; in unison before Orlando could even get the words out.<br /> <br /> Pre-Wedding...<br /> <br /> The wedding festivities began with a bachelor party held in Cuba for the groom and his closest friends, while the bride and her attendants had a week of activities starting with a private dinner, golfing at Sandals Golf and Country Club and a spa getaway at Sandals Royal Plantation. The couple, the bridal party, family and friends all came together to end the pre-wedding celebration with a smashing booze cruise after their final wedding rehearsal.<br /> <br /> The Ceremony<br /> <br /> The team at BJ&rsquo;s Bridal Fantasies created a scene of seaside elegance by decorating the boardwalk of Kimono&rsquo;s Pier, Sandals Ocho Rios, in red and white. An aisle was created to resemble a red carpet, engraved with the words, &ldquo;Today I marry my best friend&rdquo;. Guests were greeted with favours: sunglasses, medieval-style fans and customised bottles of water. The bridesmaids made their way up the aisle to One Republic&rsquo;s<br /> <br /> Beethoven&rsquo;s Five Secrets<br /> <br /> dressed in glamorous scarlet V-neck halter gowns from David&rsquo;s Bridal&rsquo;s New York, while maid of honour Carela Graham made her own statement in a bedazzled neckline scarlet gown from Emmanuelle Boutique. They were escorted by the dapper groomsmen, attired in black two-piece suits and scarlet bow ties from BJ&rsquo;s Bridal Fantasies. The strains of Christina Perri&rsquo;s<br /> <br /> A Thousand Years cued the bride&rsquo;s entrance as she made her way up the aisle in a champagne-coloured Larissa fit and flare satin gown with a halter neckline of intricate crystal beading on Alen&Atilde;&sect;&Acirc;­on lace by Mori Lee. She was escorted by her father Winston Dennis and her son Donovan Bryan. An eager groom waited at the altar decked in a fossil grey three-piece suit accented by a polka-dot necktie designed by Vinroy Eccleston. His father, Lee-Bert Dawkins, was the ceremony&rsquo;s officiant. <br /> <br /> The Reception<br /> <br /> The reception took place on the beach property of Sandals Resorts, Ocho Rios. Members of the bridal party arrived to the music of Major Lazer featuring Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley&rsquo;s<br /> <br /> Powerful while the newly-weds entered to Tarrus Riley&rsquo;s<br /> <br /> Something Strong. The team at BJ&rsquo;s Bridal decorated the space, again following the theme of red and white draperies. After welcoming the guests, Emcee Orlando Williams invited them to be seated as he directed the couple to the dance floor where they then shared their first dance as husband and wife to Anthony Hamilton&rsquo;s<br /> <br /> Can&rsquo;t Let Go. Highlights of the night included the bride&rsquo;s garter being thrown on a customised American football for the next single man to catch, while her bouquet, made of white roses and calla lilies, was encased in a 12 x 12 fibreglass box, and keys were randomly handed to the single women for the person with the matching key to cop the bride&rsquo;s bouquet. The evening also included toasts to the newly-weds and the cutting of a three-tiered chocolate-fruit flavoured butter cream iced cake by Sandals Resorts in-house bakery. Formalities over, guests enjoyed a scrumptious three-course meal catered by Sandals Resorts, and danced the night away with tunes spun by DJ Exroy of Sandals Resorts. The couple honeymooned where they were wed at Sandals Ochi. <br /> <br />   http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13292003/228238_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Could you genuinely trust someone again after a bad relationship? http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Could-you-genuinely-trust-someone-again-after-a-bad-relationship-_72682 BUILDING great, big walls to protect your heart against future betrayal is a natural response for anyone who has been hurt.<br /> <br /> And while letting your guard down and giving in to your fears is perhaps the recipe for exposing yourself to another heartbreak, you may very well want to try it if you have the faintest hope of regaining control of your ability to trust, especially the person who is the source of your pain.<br /> <br /> Sex therapist Dr Sydney McGill defines trust as a firm belief in a person&rsquo;s truth and reliability. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Trust is a sure foundation in all relationships. It allows us to feel safe, relaxed and confident in a relationship &mdash; to feel free to love with little fear that would make us become self-protective. It makes possible everything that is worthwhile in life,&rdquo; Dr McGill said.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Trusting God, the creator of all things, is the first trusting relationship we should practise. Also, trusting yourself to do the right thing (integrity/reliability) begins with becoming more self-aware, self-confident and mindful. Believing in the truth and reliability of others develops when trust becomes mutual as you share life, workspace or things together over time.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Dr McGill underscores that the body and mind are designed to protect themselves, and that includes from all forms of emotional injury that the body may be exposed to &mdash; betrayal or any other associated conflict to a mutually understood commitment.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Nobody wants to open themselves to rejection or heartbreak, especially if it is the same person that caused them pain. They will even think that the person will invariably take advantage of them again, that they are inferior or are failures because the person, in their opinion, valued them so little that they believed it was okay to do something they knew would hurt them,&rdquo; Dr McGill explained.<br /> <br /> This, he also explained, could be more difficult for people with existing trust issues; in fact, they are now more magnified, and may require the assistance of a counsellor to jump the hurdles of betrayal and to help them trust again. He said even when your ability to trust has been incapacitated, there are a number of self-taught strategies that you could practise on your journey to rebuilding trust. These include:<br /> <br /> 1. Giving yourself time to heal<br /> <br /> The sex therapist said rebuilding trust will take time and you should know that you can take as much time as it requires for you to heal. &ldquo;Work on yourself. Acknowledge your pain and work through it while rebuilding your confidence. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for the other person hurting you. Know also that it could have happened to anyone, that you are strong enough to cope with and recover from the pain you have been caused,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> 2. Don&rsquo;t let your guard down<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Be aware of your feelings and thoughts towards a partner, friend, relative or co-worker, and notice that we judge depending on our past experiences. But equally important is being observant enough that you lessen the likelihood of letting in someone who is undeserving of your trust,&rdquo; Dr McGill said. <br /> <br /> 3. Hold people accountable<br /> <br /> While doing this, Dr McGill said it is important that you do not use it to define them. &ldquo;At this point, consider whether or not the person is worth trusting. Is the person willing to talk about what happened? Are they willing to look at being recommitted to understand the boundaries and to prove that they respect you? You can&rsquo;t keep revisiting the past or haunting the person that hurt you with what they did to you. Think of the positive intentions and the good things that they did for you,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> 4. Forgive<br /> <br /> Dr McGill said while you don&rsquo;t accept what they did, you can forgive them and help yourself as well. &ldquo;With forgiveness, also consider the fact that you will have to learn not to become obsessed with the person&rsquo;s every move out of suspicion. He/she is not a child, and if you continue to watch their every step you will not only fail to learn to trust them again, but you may not trust anyone else. Showing empathy builds greater levels of trust,&rdquo; he said. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13291518/226096_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Ayanna Samuels&rsquo; blast-off http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Ayanna-Samuels--blast-off_74063 A big part of her passion involves inspiring people to be their best selves and her own path has charted the course to enable that goal.<br /> <br /> Ayanna Samuels, 36, told<br /> <br /> All Woman that growing up she always wanted to be an astronaut, much to the amusement and cynicism of others, but this response, she said, taught her determination and fuelled her to challenge the status quo.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;When I told teachers they would give a look like, &lsquo;Is she well?&rsquo; But people who mattered most to me made me feel like it was possible. Whenever there were articles about astronauts my parents would forward them to me and I saw most of the training was at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), and I said that&rsquo;s where I&rsquo;m going and it didn&rsquo;t matter, it could be Russia or the coldest parts of the world, I knew I had to go,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;The idea of zero gravity and intrigue excited me. I would lie and look in the stars and I wanted to be able to explore that.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> And so, upon leaving Campion College, Samuels applied to MIT where she pursued a bachelor of science degree in aerospace engineering with information technology, before moving on to do two master&rsquo;s degrees at the same institution in technology policy and aerospace engineering.<br /> <br /> At the time of her acceptance into MIT&rsquo;s undergraduate programme, Samuels was the only Jamaican to have been accepted, and in 2005 became the first black woman since 1972 to graduate with an MSc in aerospace engineering. She uses her experience as a motivational tool to inspire young women.<br /> <br /> Now a member of the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics, she explained that the experiences she&rsquo;s lived make it necessary for her to motivate others to chase their dreams.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Whether I wanted to actively face it or not, it was clear to me that I was charting a new path. To think it took an international student to come and break a 32-year barrier meant something. Having experienced a seven-year tenure there, where I had to work twice as hard to be heard and to be respected because of my gender, race, height, being an international student &mdash; all of these came together,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;There were situations such as a run-in with a janitor who came up to me and said, &lsquo;Thank you for picking up that bag yesterday.&rsquo; When I told her I was not the janitor she looked at me like I was hallucinating, and she walked off seemingly pitying me for believing I was a student there. It was a bit seminal for me because most people who looked like me were cleaning staff. Therefore I was eager to create a path and encourage others to follow this path. I became a crusader for women in this field, to make them know it is very possible for a little black girl to achieve,&rdquo; Samuels said.<br /> <br /> As such, she has engaged in many motivational talks to give the same encouragement to women.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I hung out with guys a lot, and I remember one asking another, &lsquo;Do you think Ayanna is pretty?&rsquo; And he said, &lsquo;No, she has a nice body but no, she doesn&rsquo;t look good.&rsquo; And it takes an immense amount of self-affirmation to tell yourself, no, it is not true. In relying on myself for my own definition of beauty I began to grow a skin I would now have needed to be successful &mdash; not just here in our country but abroad,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> Samuels has since worked with the Cherie Blair Foundation, which combines mentoring with technology to offer cross-border support to women entrepreneurs, and this showcases another passion of hers &mdash; the development of emerging economies, especially that of the Caribbean&rsquo;s gender and ICT industry, which she has been doing for over 11 years.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve done research in St Lucia, funded by the Caribbean Development Bank, looking at understanding exactly where the disparity lies in gender. The study was called &lsquo;Gender and equity in the St Lucia ICT sector project&rsquo; and it revealed that stereotyping in a patriarchal environment will make women fearful of self-actualisation... and I&rsquo;m very passionate about this,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> She added: &ldquo;There are so many avenues where you don&rsquo;t see women applying, and when I speak to this they tell me that we are not applying because we&rsquo;re not interested. But could there be influence from younger ages where the toys they were given to play with implied certain gender roles? A doll would suggest that your role is in home making and getting everybody ready and making sure they&rsquo;re fed, and a truck would suggest you are good at hand coordination. This eventually spills over to the type of subjects we lean towards in schools, which then determines what our specialities become. We have to change the perception so that women can go after other careers too.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> This has enabled her to also work with the World Bank, Caribbean Association of National Telecommunications Organisations, CARICOM, the Caribbean Telecommunications Union, Latin America and Caribbean Network Information Centre, International Telecommunications Union, Commonwealth Telecommunications Organisation and the International Institute for Communications and Development.<br /> <br /> Also a champion for educational development, Samuels is an international body-building and fitness athlete &mdash; another medium she uses for inspiration.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;In my quest to reclaim my health and wellness, I lost a total of 41 pounds and got into the best shape of my life at 34. My inspiration was my first body-building and fitness competition in which I placed fifth, won the award for best presentation, and received the nod to compete internationally for Jamaica. There&rsquo;s no challenge you can&rsquo;t overcome. It is about realising that even though the norm may be one thing, you can rise above that in the same setting. You can swim against the tide. You don&rsquo;t know your full strength until you&rsquo;re tested,&rdquo; she said. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13294257/228836__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Advice from the wise http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Advice-from-the-wise_74133 KEEPING the passion alive after many years of being together, as many couples and relationship experts will tell you, can be very difficult, especially when you have grown on your significant other. But what is also true is that the longer you have been in a game, naturally, it&rsquo;s the more experienced you will become. <br /> <br /> This week, All Woman fielded relationship advice from a number of older readers for the younger folks. Here&rsquo;s what they had to say: <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Elsie, 42: <br /> <br /> I&rsquo;ve been with my husband for 24 years, since I was 18. Sex is still great for us because we know that just like the finances, the vacations, health and the welfare of our children, sex is just as important. We recognised that it did something very important for our relationship so we never starved each other of it; we didn&rsquo;t use it to spite anyone as so many young kids these days do. We had fun in sex, we explored and we were comfortable talking about fantasies. We were comfortable with ourselves and that&rsquo;s something you want in a relationship. So try some of these and you will be fine. There is never enough advice that you can get, but one thing is sure, get to know your partner that way with sex and you will never go wrong. <br /> <br /> Marva, 47: <br /> <br /> Next month, my husband and I will share 19 years of marriage and I would love to give my two cents on sex to young people, because we have made our own mistakes and it would be great if other people didn&rsquo;t do this too. One is to never forget that sex is important so try to do it at least once weekly. Yes, you may be tired, but it is important. The second I would say is try to switch things up. Don&rsquo;t go for the same old, same old all the time. You know, do things like dating just the same and remember that sex is not just physical. <br /> <br /> Ken, 52: <br /> <br /> I&rsquo;ve been married 12 years. Kiss, kiss, and kiss some more. It is just as important as sex. You will not be able to be intimate every day like you imagined, but kissing keeps the intimacy alive. Phone sex works for us too. Before now, we wrote love notes and we gave each other sexual challenges. Games in a relationships are fun, and it keeps the thought of intimacy in the air. You should also try fun, new things all the time together in the bedroom and even outside, because being adventurous has always worked for us. One of my all-time favourites is make-up sex. There is no doubt about it, couples will fight, but don&rsquo;t you ever go to bed angry with each other. <br /> <br /> Alice, 50: <br /> <br /> My mother always told me that communication was important to every aspect of a relationship, sex being no exception. My marriage is 15 years old, and I know that talking to your partner before, during, and after sex is key to a very vital and happy sex life. When we got married we were pretty inexperienced so we read literature, we watched tutorial videos, and even now we Google a lot! Now we could probably write a book, and that is why being comfortable with yourself and your partner is important in marriage. Flirt too, men and women both love that and it keeps your relationship fresh. <br /> <br /> Donovan, 49: <br /> <br /> I&rsquo;ve been married 15 years. Get in the bedroom and do fun, weird and crazy things. Your partner is your muse and you must know that, be inspired. When you get there, there is no rush. Remember, foreplay is important, and women, and some men like me, like when time is spent on the body. Also, you want to think about doing new things, so just mix it up. Tell her some nice things when you&rsquo;re having sex. Be spontaneous, think out of the box and surprise your partner. Also remember that you should check with your partner &mdash; ask them if they are okay with you doing something before you do it. Love each other and be true about it and you will be good. <br /> <br /> &mdash; PENDA HONEYGHAN http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13291519/228979__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Mother won&rsquo;t let dad raise child http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Mother-won-t-let-dad-raise-child_74270 DEAR MRS MACAULAY,<br /> <br /> I am required to pay maintenance to my son&rsquo;s mother at $8,000 per month. Seeing as it&rsquo;s my only child, I also took on other responsibilities. I agreed to pay for his daycare and everything else he needed. Daycare was $8,000 per month, then other expenses would run me into about an extra $12,000 which I didn&rsquo;t have a problem taking on.<br /> <br /> But I have no access to the child, except when he is attending school. I don&rsquo;t get weekends or holidays. He has a health card which his mother benefits from. <br /> <br /> Now the mother is migrating and is leaving the child in the care of her sister and cousins and they will decide how I have access to him. They also want me to increase the maintenance sum. I now hear that he will move away to a more rural community. I told her I won&rsquo;t support her decision. How should I approach this legally? Can I get custody? Will I be required to sign if the mother is going to file for him? I would prefer to have my only child living with me whenever the mother leaves the country as I am a capable individual.<br /> <br /> It seems that in your attempts to be a good father for your only child, you allowed yourself to be pushed into providing more and more financially for the child without insisting on your right to proper access. You should have been enjoying residential access of alternative weekends and half of all school holidays.<br /> <br /> You have asked what you ought to do legally, so clearly your statement that you are &ldquo;required to pay maintenance&rdquo; is not based on a court order. Your decision to act is the correct one and you should use the law to ensure that you, the other parent, are the one who will care for your son when his mother leaves these shores. This is how it ought to be in fact and in law.<br /> <br /> How should you approach this legally? Since you have the right to custody, just as the mother does, you should either obtain the services of a lawyer immediately or you can act personally to quickly have your application prepared and filed for the custody and care and control of your son and an order that the child should not be removed from the island without the permission of the court. The grounds of your application would be the fact that the mother is migrating and you require, as the child&rsquo;s father, while the mother is away, sole custody of the child, with care and control to you, as you are able, in every sense and way, to take proper care of your child and ensure a stable home and upbringing in the best interests of your son. This is your right spelled out in the law &mdash; that is in the Children (Guardianship and Custody) Act &mdash; where both mother and father have equal rights to the custody and care and control of their children. <br /> <br /> Or, you should, and this would be quicker, go directly to the Family Court which serves the parish in which you and the mother reside, and tell the clerk of court/intake officer that you require her/his urgent assistance to make your application for the sole custody and care and control of your child as the mother is emigrating and intends to leave your son with his aunt instead of with you.<br /> <br /> Tell the clerk that you have ample room to have your child reside with you and that you can continue to provide for him and ensure he receives proper care and a stable upbringing, which is in the child&rsquo;s best interests. You should point out that it is not in the child&rsquo;s best interests to be put in the care of the aunt, especially when you are ready, willing and able to look after your child. You must, and this is very important, apply for an order that the child cannot be removed from this jurisdiction/the island, without the permission of the court. Do not leave this to chance. After the application is prepared, you can ask for the court bailiff to serve it on her, or you can arrange for it to be done by a friend or process server. Then you can engage the services of a lawyer to assist you through the hearing of the matter if you so wish. <br /> <br /> You should explain to the clerk/intake officer at the Family Court the urgency of the matter as the mother is on the verge of leaving the island. It would be great if you can get the application done in time to be served on her before she leaves the island. However, if you fail to have it done before she leaves and your child is indeed left by her with her sister, then explain this to them, so that your application can be properly directed to the person who has your child in their actual custody or purported custody. Your right to custody, care and control precedes any claim the sister may raise that the child was left with her by the child&rsquo;s mother.<br /> <br /> You would normally be required to give your written consent if the mother is filing for him. This will, however, come to be known to you if the mother is truthful in her application about your existence, identity and availability.<br /> <br /> I have known of instances when, despite wholly committed fathers or mothers sharing care of their child/children, some mothers and fathers have succeeded in whisking their child or children abroad with them, by in some instances having someone other than the actual other parent sign as such. Remember, the consulate officers do not personally know the other parent and all sorts of forgeries can be obtainable for a price by those who are not afraid to break the laws of this country and the laws of the country to which they wish to migrate. I am still amazed at the lengths some people are prepared to go to thwart the hopes of the other parent of being a full caregiving parent of their children while they go about their lives elsewhere.<br /> <br /> This is the reason why you should act as quickly as you can to get your application done and filed in court for all the orders I have suggested &mdash; that is to say, sole custody, care and control, and a bar to your child being taken off the island without the permission of the court. You are in law even entitled to apply for maintenance contributions from his mother to be paid to you by her while he is in your custody and care. It is for you to decide if you wish to add this to your application, especially at this time. <br /> <br /> I do hope you act now and that you are in good time, so that your son does not become settled with the aunt. <br /> <br /> Move quickly and good luck to you.<br /> <br /> Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public and women&rsquo;s and children&rsquo;s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide personal responses.<br /> <br /> DISCLAIMER:<br /> <br /> The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to legal advice from your own attorney.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13291511/228974_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM How PCOS can affect your sex life http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/How-PCOS-can-affect-your-sex-life_73222 POLYCYSTIC ovarian syndrome (PCOS) is probably the most common cause of &ldquo;hormonal imbalance&rdquo; in women. It leads to irregular periods, excess hair, acne and difficulty getting pregnant.<br /> <br /> But one of the lesser talked about issues is its effect on sexuality and relationships. Many women suffering with PCOS experience these effects not only from the disease itself, but also from the treatments given.<br /> <br /> Obstetrician-gynaecologist (ObGyn) Dr Ryan Halsall said how PCOS affects each individual is a complex issue, and in fact each individual may be affected in different ways. <br /> <br /> Below he points out some of the effects PCOS can have on your sex life.<br /> <br /> 1. Psychological<br /> <br /> Dr Halsall said sexuality is affected by general mood, overall well-being and self-esteem. He said the excess weight, facial hair and acne associated with PCOS may all have a negative impact on how the woman looks and feels about herself. &ldquo;This may lead to low self-esteem and self-worth, both of which interfere with her sexual function. As a matter of fact, just being diagnosed with a chronic condition alone is enough to turn anyone&rsquo;s world upside down,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> 2. Physical<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The irregular bleeding, which is often heavy, interferes with having sex. While a few women don&rsquo;t mind, most will avoid having sex during their period. PCOS patients have their period come unexpectedly most times, making it hard to plan romantic evenings and vacations without the help of medication,&rdquo; Dr Halsall said. &ldquo;Apart from the physical barrier, the constant stress of irregular bleeding leads right back into the psychological factors that affect sexuality.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> 3. Medication<br /> <br /> The ObGyn said commonly used medications include the contraceptive pill and Metformin. He explained that the contraceptive pill has been known to have negative effects on sex drive and also mood changes. However, he said that Metformin is associated with nausea and abdominal pain, which may physically prevent sex from even happening.<br /> <br /> Dr Halsall said if you have PCOS and your sex life is being hampered as a result of the disease or its treatment, don&rsquo;t suffer in silence.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Sexual health shouldn&rsquo;t have to be secondary. Speak to your gynaecologist and he or she will work with you to address these issues,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> &mdash; Kimberley Hibbert http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13291505/228814__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Trapped http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Trapped_74130 Dear Counsellor, <br /> <br /> I have been remarried for the past year. I met my husband when I was just getting over a divorce from my children&rsquo;s father, getting back on my feet, and going back to school. As a single mom it wasn&rsquo;t easy but I was handling it. This man came with all the gentlemanly charm and I just fell for all that and got pregnant for him soon after. It happened that I ended up losing the baby at six months as I had a lot of complications. Well, we got married soon after and that&rsquo;s when all hell broke loose. I found out that he did not own a home as he&rsquo;d said, and his family didn&rsquo;t let me know that he was broke until after we got married. I now know I was being a fool, but I wanted to do the right thing as a Christian. I am feeling trapped and I want out because he can&rsquo;t help me. He has changed so much and is unkind to me. He shouts at me and doesn&rsquo;t want anyone to call on weekends, saying it&rsquo;s his time, yet he doesn&rsquo;t really talk to me. He shouts at the children for almost everything and on top of that I am stressed because I am doing more than I can do with my funds. Honestly, I don&rsquo;t see us going anywhere. It is hard on me trying to maintain the family on my salary. I really don&rsquo;t know if I can take this anymore. He flares up whenever I talk about money, yet he spends recklessly. I am giving and keep giving and now I am tired. I need help. <br /> <br /> Sometimes in life we come across the &lsquo;grass is greener on the other side&rsquo; moments and interact with wolves in sheep&rsquo;s clothing. In our vulnerable or hopeful state we get pulled in, only to realise too late that our expectations do not line up with reality. And as we live, we learn from our mistakes.<br /> <br /> So here it is you closed the chapter on your first marriage and were trying to manage on your own as a single mother. Going back to school was one of your goals and you were no doubt ready and raring to go, but your need for emotional attachment and support created a distraction.<br /> <br /> It is not unusual for divorc&Atilde;&copy;es to form new relationships soon after the dissolution of a marriage, especially if they were unaccustomed to being single. Many times though, not enough due diligence is done prior to getting involved with the new person, and our judgement becomes clouded and we end up making thoughtless decisions. Sometimes a calamity could be interpreted as a blessing in disguise, as bringing a child into this dysfunctional marital relationship could cause more distress than you need at this time. If your children are not getting much support from your current husband, there is no guarantee that he would step up to his fatherly responsibilities on the arrival of another baby.<br /> <br /> A wise person once said that as Christians, Christ removes our sins not our senses, and so we are expected to make rational decisions that are in our best interest and supportive of psychological health and well-being. <br /> <br /> You are experiencing emotional abuse which can result in depression and so you need to reach out for professional help as soon as possible and make an appointment to see a counsellor. If your husband is resistant to couple&rsquo;s counselling, you need to attend in order to get help to cope with the challenges in your life.<br /> <br /> Try not to forever beat yourself up for the ill-conceived decisions you have made in the past. We all have made blunders at some stage in our lives. We all have those &lsquo;if I knew then what I know now&rsquo; moments. The key is to try and learn from the errors and not repeat them.<br /> <br /> Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@ seekingshalom.org.<br /> <br /> &lt;/p.&gt; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13291509/228825__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Belly bloat worries http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Belly-bloat-worries_74205 DEAR DONOVAN,<br /> <br /> What can I do to reduce bloating of the belly? What ab exercises are more effective? The standing ones, or the ones done on the floor?<br /> <br /> Bloating and gas may not just be limited to the Christmas dinners and the occasional family get-togethers. Unfortunately, quite a number of people suffer from bloating even when they have not eaten a large meal. Bloating may even be severe enough to cause the stomach to be distended and look larger. In addition, bloating can lead to severe discomfort and flatulence due to excess gas. <br /> <br /> It should be noted that bloating and gassiness are usually due to some important factors, for example, what you eat, how you eat, and also the amount of gas in the stomach. Controlling these factors will go a long way in reducing bloating. It is also very important to avoid overeating. This might be one of the most common causes of bloating. <br /> <br /> It is necessary to eat smaller, more frequent meals. Eating food in the right combination is also important to reduce bloating. It is best to eat proteins with vegetables, and carbohydrates are best eaten with vegetables. Eating large meals of carbohydrates, fats, proteins and vegetables can lead to fat formation in the gut rather than proper digestion. Foods not digested properly in the gut can lead to bloating and abdominal pain. <br /> <br /> In addition, eating too quickly may also encourage bloating. It takes as much as 20 minutes for the brain to get the signal that the stomach is full. Eating slowly will help to prevent overeating and also allows the food to be chewed properly, leading to better digestion. <br /> <br /> Your emotional state might also be a factor in whether you experience bloating or not. It is therefore important that when you eat, you do so in a relaxed and comfortable state of mind. In a nutshell, if you want to avoid bloating, watch what you eat and how you eat. Therefore, try to avoid food and combinations of foods which can cause bloating. <br /> <br /> For some people, eating some foods can lead to bloating. These foods include beans and lentils, fruits and vegetables, and also some sweeteners. In addition, there are some habits which can lead to bloating. These include chewing gum, drinking through a straw, and drinking carbonated beverages. It is also thought that people tend to swallow more air when they are nervous or stressed. It is therefore important to adopt a lifestyle that involves frequent exercise.<br /> <br /> Although many people associate abdominal exercise with crunches done lying on your back or doing sit-ups, abdominal exercises done standing may also be an alternative to floor abdominal exercises. Floor abdominal exercises can tone the abdominal muscles. However, they are also known to cause upper back and neck pain in some people. <br /> <br /> Crunches and sitting up can put pressure on the spine, which can lead to disc herniation or what we know as a slipped disc. On the other hand, standing abs work more muscles than crunches. Therefore, far more calories are burnt. In addition, the resistance can be increased by using a dumbbell cable or medicine ball.<br /> <br /> Which abdominal exercise is best would be a function of what&rsquo;s best for you. Your health, fitness and weight should be taken into consideration. The best thing for you to do is to get personal advice from a professional.<br /> <br /> We will answer your weight-related questions<br /> <br /> Are you struggling to lose weight or just need some advice on living a healthier life? Tell us about your health issues and we&rsquo;ll have nutritionist and wellness coach Donovan Grant answer them for you. Grant has over 12 years&rsquo; experience in the fitness industry and is the owner of DG&rsquo;s Nutrition and Wellness Centre, Suite 16, 39 Lady Musgrave Road, Kingston 5. Send your questions to clarkep@ jamaicaobserver.com.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13291510/228973__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Remember: The role of women in SDGs http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Remember--The-role-of-women-in-SDGs_74147 IN recent media reports, the Commonwealth Secretary General Patricia Scotland has stated that the under-representation of women and increasing gender inequalities must be reversed if Sustainable Development Goals are to be met.<br /> <br /> For her, gender equality across political, business and civil sectors will provide the economic value needed to curb global issues such as climate change.<br /> <br /> The point she made, however, is that gender equality is not just about fairness, but capitalising on huge economic opportunities that are frequently missed as those affected most &mdash; women &mdash; are often excluded from discussions surrounding the issue.<br /> <br /> Remember, the Sustainable Development Goals have set, among other things, targets for effective climate change planning in least developed and developing states that focus on women, children and marginalised communities.<br /> <br /> In order to meet these goals, the Commonwealth Secretariat said inclusively incorporating women in all decision-making processes is vital, as advancing women&rsquo;s political participation, leadership and economic empowerment are critical building blocks for achieving all of the SDGs. <br /> <br /> If we intend to meet the 2030 targets set for SDG goals, gender equality and inclusion have to be at the forefront of planning in order to effectively reach those involved. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/12834255/baroness-scotland_w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM All Woman: Fashion - TSO edition http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/All-Woman--Fashion---TSO-edition_73989 Scoping the scene of the Rock Fab Issue launch party devised by the annual Jamaica Observer Takes Style Out camp, AWF wasn&rsquo;t at all surprised to see the fabulous guests having a ball in their equally fabulous duds. From Louis Vuttion to Carlton Brown, the crowd was no bore. Feast your eyes on a few of Jamaica&rsquo;s hottest looks of the night.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13296971/228475__w300.jpg All Woman Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Nutritional boost for pregnant women http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Nutritional-boost-for-pregnant-women_74391 Newmarket, St Elizabeth &mdash; Scores of expectant mothers in St Elizabeth will receive a weekly supply of milk for the next three months in an effort to boost their health and nutrition and that of their unborn babies, according to a release from the Ministry of Health. <br /> <br /> The Jamaica Dairy Development Board, an agency of the Ministry of Industry, Commerce, Agriculture and Fisheries, made the donation recently at the Newmarket Health Centre in St Elizabeth as part of its pilot post-natal and Antenatal Nutrition Support Programme. <br /> <br /> The board has partnered with milk producers, Serge Island Dairies, Jamaica Beverages, Edwards Dairy, and Island Dairies Limited to donate the milk to the expectant mothers, the release said. <br /> <br /> Regional nutritionist for the Southern Regional Health Authority, Alice Carney told the expectant mothers that their diet should provide all the nutrients necessary for a mother&rsquo;s health and the developing foetus. There should be adequate amounts of folic acid, energy, protein, vitamins, and minerals, especially calcium, iron and magnesium in the mother&rsquo;s diet, she said. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Poor nutritional status not only affects the woman&rsquo;s health but also has a negative impact on the baby&rsquo;s birthweight and development. Low birthweight is a major determinant of mortality and morbidity and has a long-term impact on the health outcome in adult life as studies have revealed the increased risk for chronic, non-communicable diseases. It is with the reality of these consequences that the Southern Regional Health Authority welcomes this initiative in increasing the food security and nutrition of our pregnant women,&rdquo; Carney said. <br /> <br /> Director of the Jamaica Dairy Development Board, Hugh Graham said his agency was committed to encouraging Jamaicans to consume more locally produced milk, particularly expectant mothers. He added that the project was launched on World Milk Day, June 1, as part of the Government&rsquo;s thrust to increase milk production in Jamaica and revitalise the dairy industry. <br /> <br />   http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13295849/229303_w300.jpg Local News Monday, September 19, 2016 12:00 AM Bad things I regret doing to my ex http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Bad-things-I-regret-doing-to-my-ex REGRETS are a common feature of broken relationships, and sometimes once we reach a place of self-reflection after a relationship ends, there comes the need to admit what we did wrong, and seek forgiveness.<br /> <br /> What are some of the things you&rsquo;ve done in past relationships that hit way below the belt? Two men share their most cringeworthy behaviours.<br /> <br /> Shane: <br /> <br /> I slept with her sister. Her sister seemed more interested in me and she cared more about how I felt, or at least that's what I thought. She, on the other hand, acted as though I was a stranger and barely wanted to touch me or interact with others around me. I also lied to her on many occasions, including when she found out about what her sister and I were doing. I should have manned up and begged for her forgiveness. I should have also told her how I felt about her not showing me affection. They both ended up leaving me. Turns out the sister had another man and she just wanted her experience with me because my girl told her how much of a tiger I am in bed. <br /> <br /> Craig: <br /> <br /> I told my girl I was going to Canada when I was going to the country to stay with my family. I even used calling apps to call so I seemed to have a foreign number. Turns out one day we had to bring produce to the market with an uncle. The devil is very strong because I don't usually do that work, plus my girl wasn't supposed to be at the market. Anyway, as I busied myself through the market with a small carton of produce in hand selling and shouting, trying to mimic loud mouth sellers, I walked straight into my girl and a friend of hers. Of course she was upset, very upset, and her friend quickly spread the news of my lies. They not only mocked me, but they kept mocking her about green cards and other things. I have never forgiven myself for that reduction to lies. <br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13289561/sorry_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, September 16, 2016 5:14 AM A taboo subject http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/A-taboo-subject ORAL sex is no longer a big deal, or at least not when women perform it on men. When the shoe is on the other foot, however, the act still has some amount of stigma attached to it.<br /> <br /> This stigma varies depending on your locale. Jamaican men, in particular, have faced heavy criticism for endorsing fellatio, while making out its reciprocity to be deviant.<br /> <br /> So with the taboo now said to be long gone and oral sex akin to an appetizer to the main course in the bedroom, why are men refusing to scratch the backs of the very women who scratched theirs?<br /> <br /> Thirty-three-year-old entrepreneur Leroy says that the stigma attached to men performing oral sex on their women is a social issue deeply embedded in our culture.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t believe that more men are not going down than are willing to admit it, but they have to put up a front because the men that they hang out with believe that the practice is distasteful, and they wouldn&rsquo;t share cups or a spliff with them, and would treat them as outcasts if they found out they were doing that. Plus, if you ever stood by and listened to men talk about the female genitals, you would get a clearer picture, whether it is because of the way it looks, the fact that the woman menstruates, or because she is more likely to get sweaty down there, a lot of men just avoid doing it,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> Fifty-three-year-old, Winston, a farmer, says that he blames it on the messages conveyed through much of the local music.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;This whole heap [of] foolishness in the music is what cause them to get 'bun' [cheated on] because their women going to go for the full package. Vybz Kartel is one of the main ones leading the pack, sending big ratings to women [willing to go down] but disrespecting the youths that want to give their women pleasure. I will say to any woman, that if he is not giving he shouldn&rsquo;t be receiving,&rdquo; he argued.<br /> <br /> A third man, 41-year-old teacher and entertainer Troy, had a different take on the topic.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;She shouldn&rsquo;t have to ask for it and unless she is in that rare category of women who would rather not have oral sex performed on them, then men should definitely offer it back. But we must first know that the reason for this is engendered in the minds of children especially as they approach adolescence. While girls are told that it is okay, men are mocked, teased and you more than likely will forever walk around with that baggage if you are ever known to practise cunnilingus,&rdquo; he said.<br /> <br /> Troy also argued that women&rsquo;s genitals are generally thought of as unclean, so a man&rsquo;s refusal to put his mouth down there is acceptable and considered hygienic.<br /> <br /> But sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill, when asked to weigh in on the topic, says that there are indeed a greater number of women who are likely to not have experienced oral sex. He pointed out however that those men who are unlikely to want to return the favour generally fall within specific categories.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;The stigma attached to oral sex on women is still alive and well, but hardly as prominent as in the last 15 years or so. Young men tend to be less ashamed of talking about the practice. Many from a working class, rural background tend to publicly denounce the act, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors,&rdquo; Dr McGill said.<br /> <br /> He said that hopefully, with the advancement of technology and greater access to sex education platforms, the stigma will recede, thereby allowing for the topic to be discussed with less ignorance.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;I think that with each successive generation, they are more in touch with what is happening among their peers locally and worldwide and porn, by which many sexual experiences is inspired, is just a click away. Sex, therefore, is becoming less of a private matter and more discussed in groups and in the media these days. Hopefully, like oral sex on men and a plethora of sexual practices, oral sex on women will also receive more and more acceptance,&rdquo; Dr McGill said.<br /> <br /> http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13289555/bite_w300.jpg All Woman Friday, September 16, 2016 5:04 AM Why quality time is important http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Why-quality-time-is-important_72697 WHEN stretched between doing household chores and work, spending quality time with children is nearly impossible, especially for single parents. <br /> <br /> But despite this, clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says that parents should take advantage of every minute that they get with their children, since this is an important part of their development.<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Parents should never be too busy for their children; this action would be tantamount to neglect. Children should be an active part of their parents&rsquo; lives,&rdquo; Dr Bell said. <br /> <br /> &ldquo;It is important that parents set aside meal time, time to attend children&rsquo;s school activities. Both parents could share duties with school events. Parents do not want to be so busy that children are not factored into their busy schedules. Some things are not negotiable and parents should ensure that they set time aside to make sure that children get quality time with them that will ultimately enrich the children&rsquo;s lives.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> Below Dr Bell shares a list of activities that parents could engage their children in so as to maximise time spent together even when they&rsquo;re carrying the world on their shoulders. These include:<br /> <br /> 1. Using car rides to talk about topics that are important to your children <br /> <br /> &ldquo;Listen to their concerns and their opinions and use this time to follow up about concerns that your child expressed in the past,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> 2. Engaging them while completing chores <br /> <br /> Dr Bell said parents should allow children to help them. &ldquo;You can help them to learn something new while spending time with them. Chores like folding clothes and cleaning the house is convenient for this,&rdquo; she said.<br /> <br /> 3. Using index cards to leave little notes for the child <br /> <br /> Leave notes whether it is to engage them in a game, to remind them how much you love them, or to encourage them. &ldquo;That way, even though you can&rsquo;t be there, they get a positive reminder at school. The same can be done at home. Leave it among their favourite toys or gadgets, or at a place you know they are fond of,&rdquo; Dr Bell said.<br /> <br /> 4. Using dinner time to engage them<br /> <br /> Dr Bell said dinner time is a good time to engage your children and a great way to have family meetings too. <br /> <br /> 5. Exercising together<br /> <br /> &ldquo;You can stay healthy together as a family. Skip and do other simple exercises with your children instead of going for long jogs alone or with friends all the time. This is a good way to bond and to have fun at the same time,&rdquo; Dr Bell said.<br /> <br /> 6. Aiming to get home by your children&rsquo;s bedtime<br /> <br /> The clinical psychologist said there is no better way to get a picture of your children&rsquo;s thoughts and perception of the world than through their ideas when reading. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s a good time to cuddle and offload kisses on the little ones,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;More than the presence of anyone else, children look forward to seeing their parents, and so special arrangements should be made at work. It is important for employers to see just how important making it to events at which children will perform are to employees who are parents, so that when the time comes around they will less likely give parents a hard time with getting time off.&rdquo; http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13285043/ZZ45FDEA21_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 14, 2016 12:00 AM Photo: Belated happy birthday Shani-kayle http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Photo--Belated-happy-birthday-Shani-kayle_73873 Princess Shani-Kayle turned six on September 12. http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/13285068/ZZ08CF3EA5_w300.jpg All Woman Wednesday, September 14, 2016 12:00 AM