She’s beautiful and therefore to be woo’d

She is woman, therefore to be won.

— Shakespeare, 1 Henry VI, V, 3

Do you not know that I am a woman?

When I think,

I must speak.

— Shakespeare, As You Like It, III, 2

AH women, you gotta love them, and as the old saying goes, you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. They are beautiful, and to be woo’d, but Lord, when they think, they must speak, and oh how they speak.

Women must be the most complex beings to walk the Earth, and any man who suggests that women are simple and easy to fathom is an idiot. There are many idiots walking and strutting proudly around, as they think that they have the handle on their women. Most men don’t know what they want in a woman, but are beguiled by the package, not caring what’s inside.

No wonder they end up disappointed many times, as their beautiful trophy woman just wasn’t what they had expected. Women though, know exactly what they want, and even if the package is presented handsomely, they will peel it away, search for the core, to find exactly what they want. The following feedback sums it up.

Hey Teerob,

I was reminded of a line I heard in a movie once. “Man is like a banana, firm and strong with its own bright, protective skin. Along comes a woman and sees the attractive, golden thing and she is struck. She must have it, but first she wants to know what’s inside, so she begins to peel away at the protective layer. First, she wants to see the emotional side, then the feminine side, then the creative side. Suddenly there you are, naked with your gonads swinging in the wind. She then cuts you up on her cornflakes for breakfast.”

Charles

Tel Aviv, Israel

It’s amazing how men and women view each other differently, and yet, men still can’t see the big picture, and continue to play the fool with their antics, almost always missing the mark. A man simply sees a woman at face value, her beauty, her sexuality, her sensuality, and says, “Wow, what a gorgeous being, I must have that for my own.” It’s pretty much like shopping for a car. But many a man has been caught buying a shiny, fancy-looking car with a dud of an engine under the hood.

It’s amazing how men and women view each other differently, and yet, men still can’t see the big picture, and continue to play the fool with their antics, almost always missing the mark. A man simply sees a woman at face value, her beauty, her sexuality, her sensuality, and says, “Wow, what a gorgeous being, I must have that for my own.” It’s pretty much like shopping for a car. But many a man has been caught buying a shiny, fancy-looking car with a dud of an engine under the hood.

Women look beyond the hood, which I’ll explore later. But the evolution of how women feel about men takes an interesting path, as it twists and turns, but ends up right back where it began. It starts out usually with little girls disliking boys and treating them with contempt, because they realise even from an early age, that little boys are not their equal.

The boys are simply immature, dirty, smelly and not organised at all. But then as they grow older and the hormones kick in — those same hormones that obscure and even block the logic and reasoning that the girls had — the girls then start to view the boys with a level of curiosity. They become confused, and can’t understand why they are drawn to these strange creatures.

Oh yes, young boys growing up can be quite strange. By the time they hit puberty, the hormones are raging with an unprecedented intensity, and young girls go wild. These are the dangerous teenage years when love and lust are combined to make a dangerous potpourri, a sexual soup, and woe betide the young woman who falls prey to this combination.

When a man approaches a woman with lines, telling her all sorts of sweet things, building his tower of babble that rivals the biblical tower of Babel that rose to the heavens, she knows how to read between the lines. She is a master cipher. What she hears and what she feels are two different things. In spite of what he is saying, she has already summed him up, not for his words, but by his demeanour, his character, his approach.

Yes, women have this uncanny ability to sift through the chaff in an instant, and separate the fact from fiction. That’s why men are amazed when women instantly rebuff them, even after they barely spoke a few words and presented a few shiny baubles.

“But she just diss me so, wouldn’t even give me a chance to show who I really am.”

That’s because women can sum up and feel a man’s vibe in a second. Try to think back to your mother, and how she could sum up a person in an instant, knowing who was genuine and who was not. Think back to how often men fail to take the advice of their women, and end up paying the price. That’s why smart men, to this day, always listen to their women. “Man, my wife never wrong about people yet, she can spot a person and sum them up in an instant.”

But still, some men fail to grasp what women really feel, and continue to go down the wrong path. Let’s take the issue of sex, which is so important in relationships. Dr Heather Little-White, Dr Dumas and other experts often address this sensitive issue, and yet so much ignorance still persists. What most men think that women really want is far removed from what the women feel. And guess what, our advertisers fall into the trap. Maybe it’s because advertising is still a male-dominated field.

Slam, Rough Rider, Daggering are but some of the names given to condoms meant to be used by men to satisfy women. Well, I spoke to many women, plus I pay close attention to the call-in shows and advice columns. Don’t get me wrong, there are some women who do relish the idea of an occasional slam-bam-no-holds-barred session, and as one told me, “Ah, sometimes all a girl needs is some meaningless sex to clear her mind.” But they think differently for serious, meaningful relationships.

The average man thinks that to please a woman he must be hung like a horse and have the stamina of a camel. Not so, say the women who I polled. Of course, size does matter, as no one wants to be tickled with a Q-tip, but a member the size of a pickaxe handle is not necessary, say the women who I spoke to. I heard these ladies discussing the subject, and I was surprised to hear comments like, “I make sure I examine him first to see if I can manage or not.”

“Those monsters may be nice to look at and exciting for a one-time fling, but can you imagine living with that for years?!” So what women feel about those things is a far cry from what men think that they really want. But women are smart, and they will always tell their man how big he is. “Hey, I tell him what he wants to hear, so he’s happy.”

Women want to feel comfortable and enjoy a shared experience, with the emphasis on shared. “Sometimes it’s not the sex that I enjoy, but just knowing that he still wants me is pleasure enough.”

Then I saw this letter where this woman wrote that her boyfriend was too much of a long-distance man who could go on forever without stopping. The advice given indicated that most men would love to have that problem, but most women can’t deal with it in the long term. “It’s the quality and not the duration that’s important,” concluded the counsellor.

Another myth exploded, as there is a preferred time span, and anything beyond that leads to diminishing returns. So what the man thinks and how the woman feels about it are two different things. Maybe that’s why some wives give excuses not to have sex with their husbands. “It’s like entering a marathon, and who can run a marathon frequently? So I space it out like the Olympics, once every four months for him.” Like I said, the women told me that this applies to long-term relationships and not short-term flings.

Women feel differently from men, and that’s why we’ll see gorgeous women with ordinary-looking men. A woman feels the tenderness that a man offers her, even if he’s not the proverbial tall, dark and handsome type. A woman feels the love, even if the man does not verbally express it.

A woman feels ambition in a man, even as he struggles with life, and she feels worthlessness too, even as he shows off his money. A woman feels a man’s strength, and if he falters, she knows how to bolster his insecurities and build him back up. A woman feels a man’s infidelity. A woman feels without hearing, without looking, but she feels. At least the sensitive ones do. And guess what, they feel for a very long time, and that’s why they love so deeply and for so long.

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Well blow me down, I thought I was in the minority regarding my views on this momma’s boy syndrome. A recent BBC report showed that the Italians are contemplating passing a law that children must leave their parents’ house by age 18 and make their own way. Italy is known as the momma’s boy capital of the world. I can just imagine our doting mothers here, especially those who have sons, fuming and cursing at that legislation. The BBC report said, “It’s doubtful that the law will be passed anytime soon,” but at least they recognise the need for something to be done about children who just won’t leave home. Here, we still have 30-year-olds living at home, contributing nothing to the household and having a bag of excuses. I still visit homes and see mothers fixing supper and taking it to their grown son in his room. When I mentioned this to another mother, she cussed me out, saying, “So what’s wrong with that?” Parents must let go and let their children grow.