Therefore, despite of fruitless chastity,

Love-lacking vestals and self-loving nuns,

That on the earth would breed a scarcity

And barren dearth of daughters and sons,

Be prodigal.

Shakespeare, Venus and Adonis, Stanza 126

NOW Venus was the goddess of love and Adonis was the perfect man, but somehow that sonnet above reeks of a tracing match, based on the harsh words that were uttered. Words like fruitless chastity, love-lacking vestals and self-loving nuns. My, my! I can just imagine them quarrelling in the street with that deluge of verbosity. But at least they wouldn’t tear off each other’s clothes like our modern-day sketels do, usually when they fight over a man. Ah yes, fighting over a man, that’s the reason why some women decide to stay single, because they just can’t take the problems that men bring, both emotional and physical. So it’s best they go it alone. But some are single by choice while others are forced into a life of being without a man. This we’ll explore right after these letters about karma.

Teerob,

I had to laugh out loud when I read your article on karma. They say that the devil takes many forms, and I do swear that I must have died and gone to hell, for I am living with the beast himself. My life is one crisis after another since this man entered my life, as he is always broke, always borrowing and can’t pay back, drinks like a fish and spends what little he has on gambling. Now if that isn’t hell I don’t know what is. But I have to accept it as my punishment, for I treated a previous man badly, walked all over him, even abused him and called him weak before I left him. Now I end up with this animal and have to live with it for circumstances out of my control. I don’t know how you know it, but what you say is true, karma is real.

Sandra

Tony,

You talk about retribution like it’s a bad thing. People get what they deserve. I tell you, nothing is sweet like paying back a man for doing you wrong. My husband thought that he was the bull in the pen and could have any woman he wanted with scant regard for me or my feelings. Well, I got the last laugh, for I slept with two of his best friends. That’s payback, karma you call it, but I felt satisfied to do it, even though he does not know. Karma is having the last laugh.

Jean

Daddy Oh,

What people do not realise is that when they spend so much time and effort to exact revenge, all it does is make them suffer also. I say, leave justice to the Almighty and do not take it into your own hands. You mentioned cosmic forces and everything righting itself eventually. That’s karma. Justice is not the domain of man.

Barry

I was listening to FAME FM’s Uncensored the other night while driving home and heard these women talking about waiting on God to send them a man and that it will be His will to provide the right man for them. Not only that, but if and when that man comes along, there will be no sex until they are married. At that point the host asked, “So if after three years of courtship, the man requested sex from you, you’d still say no?” The lady replied, “That’s right, no sex before marriage, and if he can’t understand and leaves me, then that is divine will.” At that point I realised why some women will be forever single. They are so wrapped up in certain beliefs, unyielding, unbending, unmoving, unflinching from their stance, that no mortal man can tolerate them. Three years of courtship and no sex, and the man is not a priest? That’s asking a bit much, I think. Now I’m not saying that people should shy away from their religious beliefs, but good grief, if the man is courting you for so long, shows commitment and loyalty, plus proves his love and wishes to consummate the relationship, you are still going to deny him? Chances are he then marries you and discovers that you’re really a man. Then what? How else can he know if you are anatomically correct? What a gamble. But some women would prefer that the man walk out of their lives before they compromise their position and end up living a life bereft of any male companionship. The church and religion is one reason why many women choose to remain single. But there are other reasons, some hardly spoken about, one of which is hygiene. Just last week I saw these letters to the advice columns where one person complained that the other had terrible bad breath. Simple as you take it, that can prove to be a huge turn-off for some men, and woe betide the poor woman who is afflicted with halitosis. If I never saw that letter I wouldn’t have believed it, but many a woman who is permanently single could perhaps be happily married if not for a fetid odour from her buccal cavity.

But desperation is one big reason why some women are still single. A big twist of fate, and a huge irony, is that if you want something too desperately, you will never get it. Just relax and let the chips fall where they may and see how your desires are fulfilled. There is this commercial on TVJ where this poor schmuck is running up and down the streets handing out flyers and asking people, “Hey, have you seen my ad…see my ad…have you seen my ad?” Well, some women are exactly like that as they run up and down with indecent desperation to get a man. “Hey, will you be my man…be my man…will you be my man?” Some even go further and expect marriage of every man they meet. “Hey, will you marry me, marry me nuh…please marry me.” These women will always be single, guaranteed, and I know quite a few of them. Instead of relaxing and letting nature and feelings run their course, they treat every man whom they meet like a potential husband. If they only relaxed, enjoyed the dating scene, see what pans out, then who knows? That guy may just stick around. But no man wants to know that he is being summed up and scrutinised to be her next husband. It’s a most uncomfortable feeling, and even if the guy had some feelings for her, he’ll certainly not stick around long enough to make them grow, as he’ll feel like prey to a hungry cougar or like a slave on the auction block. If you check these women’s background you’ll see that they never ever had a long-term relationship, as all the men who they encountered beat a hasty retreat because of their desperation. And men can smell desperation from afar, the same way animals smell fear. Women who are single for this reason always blame the men, and never see the flaws in their approach, the flaws that send the men running away. Their cry is, “They were all creeps, every single one of them.”

Some women stay single because they were hurt in a previous relationship, and it was just last month that not one, but two very attractive women told me that that was it for them as far as men go. Said one, “That’s it for me with Jamaican men. I don’t want another Jamaican man or any other man for that matter.” Her angst, her bitterness, her frustration were worn like a chevron on her blouse. Her life is now devoted to her children and her dogs. Another one told me, “I will go out with my girlfriends to movies and lunch, but I’m finished with men…forever.” These women are all in their thirties. Bitterness and pain can be great motivators to remain single.

But the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone, but it didn’t say the same for women, so perhaps they take that as a licence to fly solo. So many women choose to be single. Some have never been hurt, have no beef with men, have no painful experience or past broken heart, yet choose to remain single rather than be involved with a man. That I will never understand. On the other hand, there are women who cannot bear to be single, and as soon as they end a relationship, they move on and slide effortlessly into another one like the smooth segue from one love song to another. These women always have a man, and yet some have no such luck or desire. For many, this single life is their raison d’etre, and they would not give it up for the world. I spoke to some, and they told me that they had a sense of freedom, an enjoyment of space, the ability to come and go as they please without the encumbrance of a man trapping them. Mark you, these women are all highly educated and successful in their fields of endeavour, so maybe you could say that they could afford not to have a man. Some even went as far as to have a child for a man, but wanted nothing more to do with him afterwards. One lady even told me, “A man is just a dildo whom you feed and go out with occasionally.” Am I living in a new world or not, where women can make such statements to make me blush? Who’s to blame, worthless men, irresponsible abusive males who have turned women cold…or cable TV that glorifies the ‘new’ independent woman? Have women truly been so liberated that they can choose to be single, even as others are forced to be single, victims of their own devices? I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is that there are many single women floating around and not all by accident or bad luck either. We hear them sing, “Don’t bodder sarry for me, I’m single by choice.” Some women just choose to be single and that’s that. More time.

But the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone, but it didn’t say the same for women, so perhaps they take that as a licence to fly solo. So many women choose to be single. Some have never been hurt, have no beef with men, have no painful experience or past broken heart, yet choose to remain single rather than be involved with a man. That I will never understand. On the other hand, there are women who cannot bear to be single, and as soon as they end a relationship, they move on and slide effortlessly into another one like the smooth segue from one love song to another. These women always have a man, and yet some have no such luck or desire. For many, this single life is their raison d’etre, and they would not give it up for the world. I spoke to some, and they told me that they had a sense of freedom, an enjoyment of space, the ability to come and go as they please without the encumbrance of a man trapping them. Mark you, these women are all highly educated and successful in their fields of endeavour, so maybe you could say that they could afford not to have a man. Some even went as far as to have a child for a man, but wanted nothing more to do with him afterwards. One lady even told me, “A man is just a dildo whom you feed and go out with occasionally.” Am I living in a new world or not, where women can make such statements to make me blush? Who’s to blame, worthless men, irresponsible abusive males who have turned women cold…or cable TV that glorifies the ‘new’ independent woman? Have women truly been so liberated that they can choose to be single, even as others are forced to be single, victims of their own devices? I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is that there are many single women floating around and not all by accident or bad luck either. We hear them sing, “Don’t bodder sarry for me, I’m single by choice.” Some women just choose to be single and that’s that. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Christmas day has come

and gone and I hope that it went well

for you. We’re still in the season and

I’m still enjoying mine. I know also that

Jamaica College(JC) is still basking in

their recent sporting accomplishments

this year as they won almost all the

football titles around. But it’s no

accident. A while back I wrote about

the renaissance that JC was

undergoing, spearheaded by its new

principal Mr. Ruel Reid and chairman of

the board, Mr. R.Danny Williams. I

mentioned then the deportment and

good manners of the sixth formers. It’s

a holistic approach, dealing with mind

and body, with discipline as the

foundation. JCs success is no accident,

and even though I’m a ‘purples’ KC

man, I have to give high praises to the

achievements of that wonderful

institution, Jamaica College.