Your affections are

A sick man’s appetite,

Who desires most that

Which would increase his evil.

— Shakespeare, Coriolanus, 1,1

I say shower me with affection, whet my appetite, make me desire more, and increase my evil. If affection is evil, then bring it on. Yes, men need affection too, and even though all the material is geared towards and focused on pleasing the woman, men do need to be made love to. Yet, ladies (and this is aimed at the ladies), it’s not all about you, for men do have needs also, contrary to the popular belief of the ‘slam bam’ mentality man. It’s not only women who enjoy being made love to.

Of course, many men couldn’t give a hoot about lovemaking, but would simply jump on and off like a rodeo rider who tries to stay on a bucking bronco for all of eight seconds or more, if he can. There are men who enjoy the art of lovemaking, and they love it when the woman knows how to make love to them. It’s a well-known secret, but many women think that it’s the man’s duty to please them, to bring them to readiness, spend a long time on foreplay, then he has to touch the right buttons, spend the exact amount of time to bring her to a boil, and then remain long enough to have her bask in the afterglow of lovemaking. It’s as if the man has to put in all the work, while she just follows his lead, or simply lays there while he consults his mental manual to rock her world. But hold on to your horses, what about the man… who makes love to him? We’ll find out right after these letters on ‘Penis Power, Vagina Victory’.

Hey Tony,

If there is one thing that I have become tired of hearing, is the women complaining about how men have used them, how men are all bad, men are dogs, and how men take advantage of them. Other than being raped, women are in control of every sexual experience long before the first ‘talk’ is given by a man to convince the woman that he’s interested in her, thus she decides if he will get it or not. So in some cases after the initial contact is made, she ends up throwing herself at him, and the man is blamed for catching what is thrown, especially if he does not want to keep it. It’s reflex, so don’t blame men for your bad decisions. Well, men are dogs, so accept it, but what are women? It would be unfair to consider them dogs too.

CH

Teerob,

I don’t agree with your article Penis Power, Vagina Victory. On the contrary, in the context the article was written, penis would be more a weakness for a man’s failing, thus, truly, vagina is power and thus ultimate victor. Which is more important, happiness, satisfaction, contentment or monetary achievement and power? The penis, even for a brief time, gives the man the first three, even if he pays a little or a lot to the prostitute in the end. Whose smile gets more value? Who gets more value? He who smiles in bed, or who smiles to the bank? Even after the penis dies, the memories of the satisfaction that it gave to the woman will comfort her. So which is better, getting to the end, or having the means?

Carlos

Now, let me make this pellucidly clear once again: this is aimed at women and how they should make love to a man, and was prompted by a book of the same name that I recently perused. While visiting some friends, I happened to see this book on their shelf, so naturally I opened it, as its title was just up my street. The husband of the house asked me what the title was, so I told him…How to Make Love to a Man. He then asked his wife if she had read it, and when she said no, he blurted out, “For heaven’s sake, woman, read it! Please read it!”

I didn’t know what to make of his statement, and I try not to get into people’s business too much, as I’m more of a listener… unless they ask me to. Anyway, I glanced through the book and was heartened to see that someone had taken the time and effort to cater to a man’s needs. After all, you would think that it’s a man’s duty, obligation, raison d’etre, purpose in life, to make love to a woman properly. Scant regard has been given to a man’s needs apart from the basic sex act.

This was the first book that I had ever seen that attempted to show women that men needed to be made love to. Women have always complained that men are insensitive to their needs, how they don’t spend enough time on foreplay, how they are too eager, and when they start they don’t take enough time or caring to satisfy them. Some women even complain that some men take too long. Oh yes, I have heard women say, “He went on for hours, and frankly, after seven minutes I just want him to stop.” So, it’s such a delicate balance, this thin line that men have to toe, this tightrope that they have to cross, the equation of affection = passion + love + lust + caring = energy expended = satisfaction. And still, the women complained.

Now it’s the man’s turn, for I have heard men complain that, “Man, she didn’t even participate, she just lay down so, stiff as a plyboard.” Yes, ladies, men need to be made love to, also.

It’s not every time a man is going to take the initiative, make the move, as sometimes he needs a little kick-start to get his engine running. Usually, after a hard day’s work, or if his favourite football team lost a match, he’s not really in the mood to make love. It doesn’t mean that he does not want to… men always want to, but just that in his frontal lobe, his mind is elsewhere. A woman who cares will take the initiative. Yes, ladies, take out the jumper cables and give the man a booster start.

Unfortunately, many women never, ever initiate sex, and many husbands have told me this. “My wife has never made the first move yet. If I don’t make a move, nothing happens.” So ladies, make that move, men need to feel desired too. There are times when the man is not in the mood for a marathon either, but a quickie will do just fine. There is merit and value in a quickie, especially in the morning when he has to rush off to the office. Work with him, see to his needs and make sure that he leaves the house a satisfied man.

Now, some women may not want to hear this, but men who have been married for a long time have told me that after 20 years of marriage, it’s sometimes difficult to maintain the same level of passion that they once had for their wives. It’s not that they don’t love them, but there’s a sort of ‘used to’ mentality that creeps in. Women who care can overcome this, and really make love to their men. You have to seduce him, act like his girlfriend all over again and not just a wife. Offer to bathe him, or even give him a massage. Don’t let sex be the driving force, but make a nice romantic evening of it. Clichéd as it may sound, put on some sexy underwear, or go to bed stark naked… men love that, for it shows that you, too, are ready, and this takes away all the uncertainty.

Nothing turns a man off than seeing his woman come to bed in more layers of clothing than a Sherpa ready to climb Mount Everest. And nothing turns on a man more than seeing his woman walk around the house naked. The curlers in the hair do not help, either. Now women are going to say, “Who has the time for all that after 20 years of marriage?” But if you care, you’ll do it, even once in a while. Remember, you expect your man to please you, so try to return the favour. Don’t forget the title of the book… How To Make Love To A Man.

Most men prefer to be the aggressor during lovemaking, so even though you must be a willing participant, do not, by any means, take charge. I even saw an article about sexual positions that addressed this issue. It suggested that certain positions determined what type of lover your man is. You should hear what they said about the missionary position, and the canine style, but that’s for another time. No man likes the thought that he’s the horse and not the jockey, so ladies, let him take the reins and enjoy the ride. By no means start to give instructions and attempt to dictate what should happen and when or where. You have to play the game and let the man be in charge.

There are men who suffer from medical conditions, and it’s incumbent on the woman to know what these are and work around them. If the man is a one-minute man, you have to be patient and gentle with him to keep him relaxed. And if in contrast he’s a marathon man, you have to work your magic to cut that time frame to a half, or even a third, if you can. Afterall, there is the economic theory of diminishing returns that applies in that situation also. Too much effort, for too little return.

So ladies, remember, in most cases men want sex, yes, but some loving too, so you simply have to give them what they want. The reward will be great for you too, for you will also get his love. But you have to work with the programme. Men are basically easy to please. That’s what the book says, don’t just take my word for it. I suggest that you try and research the subject. It’s really nothing new, as the consorts of ancient Japan and the geishas were experts at making love to men. It’s an art. Even mistresses know how,so why shouldn’t you? More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I got quite a shock a few weeks ago regarding my vehicle insurance. I must confess that I don’t really trust the insurance business, but the law requires it and it does offer some illusion of security. My mistrust heightened recently when I took a trip to the country and was stopped in a routine police spot check. All my papers were in order, or so I thought. My motor vehicle insurance had lapsed at midnight Friday and there I was on Saturday on a desolate country road. For decades, from I was a lad, without fail, my insurance company sent out notices in the mail, sometimes with a follow-up, but this time nothing, so I had no idea it had lapsed. I continued my trip and hoped for the best. When I returned on Monday and paid the premium, I asked my insurers what would have happened if I had an accident. I was told that I would not have been covered. Not even a one-day grace period on a weekend? Scary. Can this be right, after paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for decades? I need answers, so someone from the insurance industry, please clarify.