(I said)

It’s getting’ hot in here (so hot)

So take off all your clothes

I am getting’ so hot, I wanna take my clothes off

— chorus to Hot in Herre sung by Nelly

OH, the irony.

Last weekend saw the seventh annual run of The New York City Jamaican Underwear Race which, as I understand it, is affiliated with and is the warm-up for the annual Nautica Triathalon and is in part the brainchild of the Jamaica Tourist Board.

Genius idea! It is the one annual occasion when people (500 of them this year — the race already holds the world record for the most number of people gathered in their underwear) can legally drop their drawers and run 1.7 miles through Central Park for the sole purpose of competing for a trip for two to Jamaica.

Yes, folks. People are literally taking off their clothes to come to Jamaica.

And meanwhile here on The Rock, if you watched the news on Wednesday night you would have seen Miss 46DDD standing in her bra and slip protesting the high cost of electricity in her Rose Town community.

I have been thinking recently (again) that what we need is a naked protest. While foreigners are willingly taking their clothes off for the chance to come to Jamaica, we Jamaicans are literally tearing our clothes off to call attention to our threatened survival.

I’ve spent a few days well down at the National Water Commission (NWC) head office — it is virtually impossible to reach them on the phone — and have noticed on each occasion that there is always a woman in the waiting room ready to strip in protest of some whopping bill which she has just received. (Or hasn’t received — which was the other major complaint of the day).

This last time, the lady of the day had come prepared. The largest piece of fabric was the one she used to cover her hair — otherwise she wore a tiny pair of shorts, a sliver of a T-shirt and some construction boots that are no doubt outfitted with steel toes. She was ready to kick a** . Within moments, a concerned security guard approached her and she hustled off to customer service where clearly her matter was dealt with favourably — the clothes stayed on.

I understood perfectly her dilemma, despite the cool and polite customer service offered by the NWC representatives on the floor, it’s an arduous journey to satisfaction. Regardless, of what you think is grossly erroneous billing, you are required to pay at least half of the disputed amount until the investigation is completed (or even considered) or suffer the indignity and inconvenience of having your utility disconnected. That’s a difficult choice when you budget for a certain amount and your bill comes in close to five times that amount.

The fact of the matter is that these very large utility companies – the suppliers of light and power and water — have us by the knickers. And we pay a fortune for both. Jamaica’s energy costs remain the highest in the Caribbean — at US$0.32 cents per kilowatt, as opposed to Trinidad and Tobago, this country’s biggest regional trading partner – at US$ 0.05 cents. In a sense, we’re giving the utility companies the very shirts from our backs.

JPS president and CEO Damian Obiglio recently said that “I am very sad to say… there is no immediate solution to reducing the cost of electricity,” and suggested that Jamaicans practise better energy conservation to help reduce their electricity bills.

“If you walk into any building and look at the bottom of the door you will see five to ten centimetres from the floor to the bottom of the door. That’s air conditioning that you are losing,” he said, giving one example of poor energy conservation. His suggestion too was that we stop using light during peak hours (ie, after 7:00 pm — when it’s dark).

Mr Obligio misses the point entirely.

The lady protesting her light bill in a bra and slip is a symbol of everyone who pays a light bill in this country. She has long disconnected her A/C unit, if in fact she ever had one (and she’s hot — hence the underwear emsemble), she plugs out her fridge and all electrical appliances when not in use. She uses energy-saving bulbs and an energy-saving fridge; she has a gas stove, and when you pass in front of her house at night it is in near darkness. As much as she’d rather live in the 21st century, she’d like to eat a food too and so is now considering returning to the old-time tradition of lighting a Tilly lamp.

The point is that living conditions in Jamaica have forced us to cross, or come dangerously close to crossing, that invisible line into socially unacceptable behaviour, and some big businessman is telling us that while he continues to make a fortune (reporting a net profit of US$40 million — J$3.43b — for 2010) we are paying 30 per cent more for electricity this year than we did last year and we’ve cut to the bone the amount of light we use.

I say, the next time you go to pay your light bill or water bill, go stripped down to your bra and slip and enjoy some of their air conditioning. You are, after all, paying for it.

Send pictures to: scowicomm@gmail.com