WELL folks, we made it through the apocalypse, and most of us barely survived the frenzy known as Christmas.

I swear, some people eat drink and party so hard during the season like they completely forgotten that it is Jesus’ birthday and not theirs. As for the people who put utility bills and rent on hold and had an all out full blazing season, please don’t cry too much this end of month when the haze has worn off and reality sets in. Maybe you can just dress up in those fancy clothes and shoes you bought and smile with the landlord and the utility companies. Invite them over to enjoy the ambience of the redecorated living room, and offer them some of the excess food you bought during the wild rush shopping spree. Give it a try, it may just work.

One would think that life would return to normal, but here comes the new year and all of the joys, woes and surprises it may bring. I know one thing I’m not looking forward to is the Government’s directives as outlined by the IMF. Not looking forward to the further devaluation of the dollar or the hike in prices as a consequence, however. I’ll just bury my head in the sand, ostrich style, and hope for it to blow over, in the same way people and companies who don’t pay taxes wonder why we have to borrow from the IMF, hope for great roads, and what better living conditions. It seems to work for them, so I’m going to try it in this new year.

If hope springs eternal, I will be hoping like a son of a gun.

I made several resolutions, primary among them being that people with smartphones get smart; and that I will be more sensitive to the feelings of others. But I know neither will bear fruit, since, the smarter the phones get the dumber we seem to become and I really am not that invested or interested in softening my honesty to save someone’s fragile ego. But again, I can hope.

I will also keep hope alive regarding the crime situation in my beautiful island. I will be renewing my pressure on the government and powers that be to recruit the elderly to fight crime. Most of them could use the income and no one suspects the elderly. Besides, an elderly person can tell you anything and you will not react as quickly as you would if that person were younger. Babies and the elderly can get away with just about anything. I don’t care how bad a thug you may think you are, if a baby hands you a toy phone you are going to take it and say ‘hello’; that’s just the way it is. It’s just a pity we can’t train babies to tackle crime.

I hope and pray that our media approaches the reporting of crime in a more responsible way this year. Research, get the facts, and go for relevant as opposed to sensational items. And please, stop finding the most ignorant and ugly people at the scene to interview, it makes us all look bad. But what am I saying? millions run home to watch the nonsense and eagerly await the clip of the week like it’s a good thing, so carry on then. I’m the only one complaining, so maybe I am the problem. My bad, I will humbly withdraw that statement.

Continue to inundate us with tabloid fodder so we may feel good about our miserable little lives.

My weight is still an issue, so I’ll be working on that, if you know of any pills or potions that makes fat disappear and gives one an Olympian’s body, don’t be shy, hit me up on Twitter @ElvaJamaica or via email elvachatalot@yahoo.com. Have a great week folks, try to conserve, rough times lie ahead. Happy New Year all!!!!!