IF every morning you find yourself deliberating whether or not to go to work; whether to pull out the box of ailments you have under your bed; or whether to tell a dreadful lie about your child being sick, then you may have co-workers from hell. We all need our jobs, but there are some people who we come across daily, who make us stop, ask for divine intervention, or who make us want to drink non-stop.

Over the years I have collated a list of traits to identify these workers.

Here goes:

The ungrateful co-worker

This is the co-worker whose mistakes you will help correct from January to November without putting them on blast. But the one time you make an error, an email is sent to your boss, and CCd to the management team and HR, complaining about your little error.

The brainless co-workers

These co-workers are the most frustrating. What they do is take a small part of their brains to work every single day, just enough to remember their names, find themselves to work, and back home. The rest is safely hidden away at home. And so they will ask stupid questions that make it seem like every day at work is their first day. Worse, they have no idea how to deal with situations without their supervisors’ intervention.

The attention seekers

These co-workers are the worst. They will throw you under the bus just to get ahead. They are usually very vocal and have answers for every problem. They know everybody’s job description and can tell you how to do your job, yet their jobs are being done by others. They are usually very close friends with the boss and will move up the ladder very fast. Don’t be perturbed by these people, though, just pray them out and you will meet them coming down when you are going up.

The chronically mendacious co-worker

This type of co-worker makes you paranoid and puts you on the defensive at all times. This is so because you have to cover your bases with his/her. What you will find happening is that you will e-mail this co-worker with whatever information you want to disseminate, and then you have to ensure that you copy the entire organisation on this e-mail, so that you have witnesses. You can never make the mistake and call this co-worker without a follow-up e-mail. If you have to give him/her a hard copy of any document, you have to get it signed for, as this co-worker will say he/she never received it, if it cannot be found. You can never hold this co-worker accountable for anything that you do not have physical proof of.

The co-workers who live at work

These people usually have family problems. They are either afraid of their spouses or they have no one and are lonely at home. So what do they do? They spend every waking hour at work wasting the company’s utilities, and they will try everything to have you keep them company. They come across as being productive but they are not; they are the most miserable. Their actions make it seem that they are the only ones loyal to the company, when in fact they are just afraid to go home.

The meeting junkie

This type of co-worker wants a meeting for everything, yet none of the meetings have ever resolved any issue. This co-worker loves to hear ‘well said’, but never hears ‘well done’, as all he/she does daily is talk. This co-worker hides behind meetings because it gives the impression that he/she is doing something worthwhile.

The extortionists

These co-workers print their children’s, churches’ and spouses’ work material on the company’s printer without permission. They take paper, pencils, cartridges, pens, tissue and other items from the company. They take two hours every day for lunch instead of one, and half their day is spent on the road doing personal things. They use the company’s vehicles to transport their entire families, doing regular pick-ps and drop-offs. They also deliberately do not start working until 5:00 pm because they want overtime.

The Blind Bartimaeus bosses

These bosses have no insight, no vision, no sense, no strategy, no integrity, no respect, no direction, no compassion and no proper qualification to manage. They will single-handedly alienate and demotivate an entire workforce and cause workers to leave because of their ineffective management styles.

I have left out some of the repeat offenders like the gossipers, impressionists, bullies and hypocrites. They are the most common and can be found in any organisation. My advice to all those who are suffering from interaction with co-workers from hell, is to read a Psalm a day, always arm yourself with a little gospel song to hum, think about your children graduating high school/college and as difficult as it may be, try and tolerate these people until God opens a way for you, so that you can secure something much better elsewhere.

Shornee Carnegie is trained in human resources management.