For I am sick and capable of fears,

Oppressed with wrongs,

And therefore full of fears,

A widow, husbandless, subject to fears.

— Shakespeare, King John III, 1

OH, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself, is what people always say to allay the trepidation of the fearful. But sadly, this hardly does anything to comfort or assuage the fear that someone has that’s eating away at their every fibre.

But still, the saying is often true to a certain extent, for in many cases, the anticipated fear of what’s going to happen is often greater than the actual experience. Many people who fear going to the dentist will admit to this, as they often say afterwards, “Oh, it wasn’t so bad after all. And there I was eating up myself with fear for weeks”.

But even with all the platitudes and the explanations of what fear is and how people should deal with it, the fact remains that fear is a very real component in people’s lives.

Everyone feels fear at one point or the other, and the irony is, what may bring fear to one person may just solicit a laugh from another.

It’s a fact that Jamaicans fear dogs, croaking lizards and black moths more than gunfire. People will hear explosions and run to the direction from which the sounds are coming to see what’s happening, but no Jamaican is going to run towards a bad dog, a big fat croaking lizard, or allow a black moth to fly around in the house.

But those are obvious fears that we all know about. What about the secret fears that men harbour and spend many sleepless nights fretting about? Fears that they may never reveal to their closest friends. That’s our spiel today, Men’s secret fears, right after these responses to Building a woman.

Hey Tony,

You covered all the bases in your column about building a woman. I agree that she has to have all the attributes as described. There is no point having a gorgeous-looking woman with a perfectly shaped body if she is not sexy, as sexy is an attitude and not a look. However, I will take just a “nice-looking” woman with love, affection and complete loyalty any day, over the gorgeous and sexy woman who shows little or no affection. After all, just who is she being sexy with?

Hopeton

Teerob,

Through your writing we can only dream my brother, only dream. If only we could build a woman to fit all our wants, our needs, our desires. Instead we play this fickle emotional lotto and hope that we pick someone who is halfway decent, honest and faithful. And even then, they have a habit of changing.

Errol

Tony,

Why should men want to build a woman to suit their needs when they are so grossly imperfect? Most men get perfectly good women, but don’t know how to treat them. Men should build themselves before they try to build someone else.

Winsome

Men really get a raw deal sometimes. They are supposed to always put forward this macho image of invincibility, bravado and fearlessness, even when faced with mortal danger. From boyhood days, they are told that boys don’t cry, take it like a man, chin up, stiff upper lip and all that old chap. Meanwhile, girls can cry all they want and wear their emotions on their sleeves.

It’s a heavy burden that men have to bear, and do so silently and secretly. And not only can’t they show their fears to women, they dare not share them with any other man either, as they will be deemed wishy-washy, weak and wimpish.

So as a result they keep things inside, internalise, don’t say a word to anybody, and build up a pressure cooker in their arteries and veins that is bound to explode one day.

But what are these secret fears that so many men harbour? Shh…… it’s a secret… but I’ll share some with you anyway.

Men fear women, which is an irony, for you would believe that the way some men treat women, they have no fear of them. But psychologists have explained that it’s because of this very fear why some men treat women the way that they do. They make up for it with a show of bravado that may even descend into physical violence.

Those who don’t get violent, will verbally and emotionally abuse their women. This all stems from the inherent fear that they have for the so-called weaker sex. Perhaps it had its genesis in the way that their mothers treated them. Sigmund Freud did have a theory about men and their mothers that had many eyebrows raised for decades.

If this fear of women wasn’t real, then so many men wouldn’t have erectile dysfunction when they are about to have carnal knowledge with a woman. Carnal knowledge…. I’m talking about sex. The Bible did say, “And he knew her,” when it referred to men having sex with women.

It’s because of this deep-rooted fear of women why men will either experience premature whatchamacallit and embarrass themselves, or completely fail to rise to the occasion.

Teenage boys are notorious for this, as many are even afraid to approach girls of their own age. He will sit and dream about the girl and when he finally gets to meet her face to face, he’s a nervous wreck. That’s why some men will only cohabit with women of a lower socio-economic class, schoolgirls or prostitutes, as they feel superior to them and therefore feel no fear.

Remember the song by the female deejay, “You finish already… the steam fish inna you back done already?” referring to the man’s inability to perform or his lack of staying power. Either that or the woman may ask, “Oh my, you jumped the gun before the starter even had a chance to say, on your mark?”

Some women are mature about it, but others can be cruel. Meanwhile the men will say, “Oh no, this never happened to me before.” And maybe it didn’t, but the fact is, it only happens with a new woman, for that’s when the fear really kicks in.

Another secret fear that men have is also of a sexual nature… or lack of nature. As you can see, many of men’s fears are linked to their sexuality. All men dread that day when the boy fails to get up, rise to the occasion. I even saw an article a while back that was titled, “I have outlived my penis”.

This used to be the secret fear of men who were getting on in age, but based on the statistics that I’ve seen recently, more and more young men harbour this fear of impotence than ever before. Because of this, very young men are relying on sexual aids and performance-enhancing drugs such as Viagra and Cialis to give them a boost in this department.

Back in the day, the old timers tell me, men used to apply concoctions such as ‘stone’, ‘chiney brush’ and ‘Tantara D’ to boost performance. But at least those were aids designed to prolong a stiff proposition. Now the young men, because of their secret fear of failure, have resorted to stimulants to ensure maximum performance. The damage that they’re doing to their system is often irreparable. But shhh… it’s a secret fear and nobody talks about it.

Another secret fear that men have is the potential that their women have to cheat on them. Oh yes, almost every man has this fear that his woman may give away her pleasure to another man. Most men will never express this fear, but deep down, his primordial instincts tell him that it’s a possibility. Perhaps this fear is fuelled by the fact that maybe HE used to run around with other men’s women, so it’s a case of same knife stick sheep stick goat. This is backed up by the alarming statistics of infidelity.

To compound this fear, the figures that state that over 35 per cent of men tested are not the fathers of their supposed children only adds to the secret fears of men. Plus, DNA tests and immigration visa applications are showing more and more cases of paternity prekeh than ever before. And still, men keep those fears secret.

Women are so fortunate, they can express their fears, their aches and pains with gleeful freedom. Meanwhile, men don’t even want to visit the doctor for a prostate exam for they fear that their dingaling will stop working. “Say what, take it out? No way, death before dishonour.”

Men’s secret fears can be laughable at times. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I take patriotism very seriously, as do other people in foreign lands. Don’t mess with an American as he defends the USA. I can cuss the ills of my country, but I don’t want to hear it from any foreigner, or from a Jamaican who now lives in a foreign country.

What’s even worse is when a Jamaican goes to the foreign press and exposes all our entrails for the world to see. That same foreign press that over the years has jealously jumped at every opportunity to question our sporting accomplishments. Then they justify it by saying it’s in the name of truth.

Why do you think many countries have the Secrets Act in their constitution? Dirty linen must be washed at home, never in public and certainly never in a foreign land. No wonder people always say we can’t reach anywhere, as we always manage to tear down each other and justify it. What a bombshell, right after our World Championships triumph. History has taught us nothing. Lord Pitt’s ‘divide and conquer’ is still so effective.