Here in her hairs,

The painter plays the spider,

And hath woven

A golden mesh to entrap the hearts of men.

— Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice III, 2

LET’S face it, most men love to see long hair on a woman. It’s how they were socialised. Even my late father used to say, “A woman’s beauty lies in her hair.” This was perhaps subconsciously passed on to me. For, as far back as my primary school days, I was always playing with the Chinese and Indian girls, making my mother say, “That boy going to marry a Chinese girl, yu nuh.” It’s a thing with Jamaican men, they love long hair on women.

A few weeks ago, Carolyn Cooper wrote about Rapunzel from the fairy tale. Remember the line from the story, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” This was recited by the prince who was courting her, as he would then climb up on her flowing locks in order to reach her as she was trapped in the castle’s tower. Quite a hair-raising experience. The things that men will do just to be with a woman.

Well, the Rapunzel syndrome has hit Jamaica big time, as every wannabe princess, girl, wench, sketel, uptown tapanaris woman is besotted with hair. Everyone has to have long hair; every woman is now bestowed with long, flowing tresses, every female is now a raving beauty with raven curls, golden locks, silver streaks, and even blue, purple and other colours of the spectrum.

But it all comes with a price, as we’ll see right after these hair-curling responses to the bald truth, ‘Hard for men’.

Hi Tony,

You are right, most women will distance themselves from men who have no job, decent means of support or sufficient hard assets, home, car, money in the bank. However, in today’s society, many married men take paternity leave to help with the new baby.

This usually happens when the wife has the better job or career and is the better wage earner. Then there are those men who become house husbands by default, having lost their jobs and find it difficult to find another. It’s really hard.

Cedric

Teerob,

You’re darn right, men have it hard. The stress is so great to be a provider, leader of the house, strong husband to a needy wife, and role model for the children. It’s a tough task that a man has to bear all his life, and if he shows any cracks in his armour, he is seen as being weak. No wonder men die before women.

John

Teerob,

Please stop writing about me.

Anonymous (many)

Everybody thinks I’m writing about them, even foreigners who I don’t know. The cap fits many, I suppose.

The love of hair is not new, as so many societies glorify hair and its beauty with poems, novels, movies and songs. There was even a famous Broadway musical named Hair. Bountiful hair is even attributed to strength, as Samson was powerful until he lost his locks and subsequently his great strength when Delilah got too close and shaved him as he slept. But it’s the modern-day woman who has taken this obsession with hair to new lengths, and that’s the bald truth.

Not to be left out, our Jamaican women have given new meaning to hair today, as they feed an industry that runs into billions of dollars. Hair extensions, weaves, wigs, braids, half-head, full-head, and other artificial head adornments are the order of the day. And they do order them every day.

Some are cheap… er… inexpensive, and look as dead as straw in a barn, while others are so expensive and lifelike that it’s nigh impossible to tell if it’s natural or not. Splitting hairs? You dare not ask.

One way to tell is to put your hand in her hair, but that’s a no-no, for everyone knows never put your hand in a woman’s hair, not nowadays. Gone are the days when a man could run his fingers through a woman’s hair. Now it’s, “Are you crazy? Don’t you dare touch my hair, just back off, mister!”

This ersatz hair is sold in packs and may be synthetic or real. It is supplied by a hair export industry that flows in India, Philippines and other countries where the women have naturally long flowing locks.

It’s a multi-billion-dollar industry and people are cashing in. Two of the more famous but expensive brands, the Remy and Brazilian weaves, are very popular among our ladies. I have a lawyer friend who has joined this hair-raising ride and has taken to importing hair and bleaching cream to fill this huge demand. “I really don’t believe in it, but what to do, they want it, so I supply it,” she explained.

Some women have even relocated to Cambodia to set up shop to export from there. No one is safe though, as women have fallen asleep, only to wake up to see their hair gone, cut off and shipped to another country. Hair today, gone abroad tomorrow.

Just an aside, but males aren’t safe either, as they were stealing dreadlocks from men a few years ago in Australia, so Ital Dread, hold on to yu head.

So now, every woman can walk down the street not only holding her head high, but flashing her tresses like Beyoncé, bouncing her weave and having the wind blowing through it like in the movies. Some weaves reach down to their waist and beyond.

All this comes with a price though, for in our hot, humid climate, a ton of hair on the head can be mighty uncomfortable. It itches, it hurts, it burns, it’s annoying, it’s hot, it’s anguish. But who cares, for it’s fashion over pain any day when it comes to hair.

Have you ever seen those women hitting their heads with their palms, or using a pencil to needle their scalp? I used to wonder why, until my better half educated me about them. It’s to ease the itch and discomfort caused by the weave. But itch be damned they say, “Me nah take out this extension for the next six weeks, for it cost too much.”

All this gluing in of the extensions, plus the sewing in of the weaves put a strain on the scalp. The result… Alopecia… baldness… never to grow back… ever. What an irony, the very same hair that is sewn in to look glamorous is what causes baldness in women. They are therefore stuck in the cycle of having to always wear false hair, as their own natural hair is gone forever.

Many men will meet a woman with tresses flowing down to her waist only to discover weeks after, when she takes it out ,that she looks like a peel-neck country fowl. It’s not a pretty sight, as doctors have shown me pictures of women with different stages of Alopecia, all caused by sustained use of weaves and hair extensions.

But knowing this does not deter them, as they suffer the pain and risk just to look fashionable. Won’t hear today? Hair gone tomorrow.

Vanity knows no bounds, and money will be diverted from buying groceries, paying rent, car payments, school fees, just to buy false hair. Some are so skilfully interwoven that people looking on cannot tell. “Is it real or is it weave? Only her hairdresser can know for sure.” Many of these stylists are sworn to secrecy, just like the lawyer and doctor-client confidentiality clauses.

Some do look good, others quite humorous and even ridiculous. Who remembers the famous news clip of these women at a sale in the USA, storming the store at opening time, and a woman falling down in the mob? Her first impulse, even while being trampled, was to retrieve her wig and put it back on. Death before dishonour!

Many women wear it like daily accessories, with a different extension for each week. “But wait, nuh she have on black hair last week, how come it gold this week?” If only the Pied Piper of Hamelin was around to write about these weaves and extensions.

“Tall ones, short ones, black ones, brown ones, tawny ones, slim ones, fat ones, big ones, small ones, dear ones, cheap ones, pretty ones, downright ugly ones…” It’s a hairy proposition as women are wearing more hair even as they lose the little that they have. Hair today, gone tomorrow. Now you’re gonna say, “Teerob, go follicle yourself.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Still on the subject of hair and the Miss Universe competition where our own Kaci Fennell placed fifth out of a field of 89 contestants. She had a cute short hairstyle, and was stunning. Some said that it was because of her short hairstyle why she didn’t win. I disagree, as my research shows there have been winners in the past who had short-cropped hair.

That being said, the general formula for Miss Universe is usually long tresses for women with Barbie doll looks. I actually picked her to place second, as winner Miss Colombia had all the prerequisites of what they were looking for, and she really was gorgeous. The lowest placing I had for Kaci was third, behind Miss USA, but we know how the world run, it’s not level, and is so di ting set, so we have to live with it. I see her shining on the catwalks as a stunning model in the future, as she has it all.