I know thee not, old man:

Fall to thy prayers;

How ill white hairs

Become a fool and jester!

– Shakespeare, 2 Henry, IV,V, 5

WHITE hairs become a fool and jester. No wonder they say there’s no fool like an old fool, as some people will just not act their age. This includes some women who will not dress to suit their age.

There she is at age 60 but dressing like a teenager. “Lady, yu nuh see the b-rider shorts and skimpy top nuh suit yu… yu too old.”

People can be so strange and contradictory in their thoughts, deeds and actions when it comes to age appropriateness. In almost every situation we like to have shiny new things. Sure, the bridal verse goes, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” But no one really wants anything that’s old. It’s different if you’re an antique dealer or an archaeologist who likes to rummage around and dig up ancient, worn and broken artifacts.

No one walks onto a used-car lot and picks out the oldest car for everyday use. In many instances some unscrupulous dealers will even reverse the miles on the odometer to show that the car is less used than it really is, or blatantly lie to you about the age of the car. People lie about their age too.

Old is not ‘in,’ and yet, there are some people who will choose older partners without thought of the future and the consequences that go with it. The only thing that ‘old’ gets is… older, until you’re just too old.

We’ll find out the ramifications right after these responses to ‘Suffer the children’ and ‘Women can’t be friends’.

Hi Tony,

One has to study, practise and then take an exam to get a licence to drive. To get a job, the applicant has to have certain knowledge and skills and go through an interview process to show qualifications. Two of the most important acts in life, procreation and parenthood, require no such skill or exams.

Too often, children are brought into the world unplanned and by accident. Many of these children are not brought up with any love or responsibility and are either left to do as they please without care, or are mentally and physically abused. Sadly, this generation is lost because parents are clueless or careless in the raising of their children. God help them all.

Joseph

Hello Tony,

I wish to debunk the myth that women cannot be best friends. You see, in 1983-84 a group of 12-14 year olds came together as best friends, calling ourselves the ‘Thick and Thin Crew.’ Today, almost 32 years later, we still talk every day. We have been roommates, gone through good and bad relationships, marriages, divorce, children, dancehall, deaths and everything between, and here we are in 2015, still going strong. What we have and always had was respect for each other and the desire to see each other succeed.

Hopal

For some strange reason, many people think that they can get involved with someone who is much older or younger and have a great relationship. I’m not talking about a fling where an older man will have a nice time with a younger woman, or an older cougar hooks up with a much younger guy. I’m talking about a long-term relationship.

Sure, now you’re going to say, “But I’m much older than my partner and we’re still going strong.” That may very well happen in a few cases, but in most of the situations that I know, the younger person is not really fully happy and the older person has all sorts of insecurities and anxieties.

I remember one young lady telling me years ago about her much older husband. “One day I woke up, looked at him sleeping beside me in bed and asked myself, ‘Who is this old man that I married?'”

It often comes as a shocking realisation.

Another lady told me this about her husband, “He is just too old, but I don’t have the heart to leave him. Maybe he’ll die soon.”

It does sound cold and heartless, but it’s a harsh reality that many people experience, although most are afraid to express it. Many try so hard to make it work, but the ravages of time always take their toll on the new-old relationship. The problems do not manifest themselves in the early years, but Lord knows, when the wrinkles get deeper, the hair greyer and the teeth scarcer is usually when the younger party takes notice.

“Pray do not mock me: I am a very foolish fond old man, fourscore and upward, not an hour more or less,” said Shakespeare’s King Lear.

But old though they may be, people up in years still pursue prospective mates who are decades younger than they are. It borders on the norm nowadays, but years ago, if an older man put serious argument to a much younger girl, her response would often be, “Go away, you’re too old.”

Not so nowadays, as age brings experience, security, house, car and cash. Although she may not express it, her thoughts, and indeed the opinions of her peers will be, “He’s just too old.”

Actress Demi Moore is considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. And yet her husband, Ashton Kutcher, divorced her and took up with a much younger woman, someone closer to his age. Why? Because she was just too old? Many people asked the question, “What was she thinking, did she really believe that they would live happily ever after?”

That age difference is invisible in the early years, but when one party hits 60 and the other is only 35, then the latter will think, “Damn, you’re too old.” I see them all the time, the man is over 70, his wife is late 30s, their child is five. What a confusing spectacle, as you can’t figure out if he’s the father, the grandfather, she the daughter, or the child the grandchild.

It’s cruel, foolish and unfair to get seriously involved with someone who is much younger or older than you are. If you’re young and hook up with a much older person, it’s cruel and unfair to you, for one day you’ll become their nurse or caregiver.

If you’re older and get involved with a much younger person, it’s foolish, as age can never hold youth, and what you put down long time ago, she’s just taking up.

“Honey, I want to go dancing.”

“Say what, with my arthritis and back pain?”

It gets more interesting in the bedroom. “Honey, I’m ready to make love.”

“Say what, with my lumbago and bad hip…nuh just five months ago we do it?”

Now, the ladies are going to say that it’s a sexist position to take, but would you have your son marrying a woman twice his age and near yours?

Science says that women peak sexually as they get older. Science be damned in this case. Which 20-year-old man would want to have sex with a 70-year-old woman?

“Come, Honey, science says I’m at my sexual peak.”

“Could you at least put in your teeth first?”

Again, you’re going to say that I’m being cruel, and that you know couples where one is old and the other is young and it still works. And I will tell you that I know many couples where the younger partner has a young lover on the side. Why? Because the other partner is just too old.

I’m not knocking old people, as Lord knows I may get there one day. But it’s so unfair for a much older person to marry someone who is 30 or more years their junior. It’s unfair to the young partner and to the children if they have any. “Mommy, how come daddy look like a grandpa so?”

As for men with much older wives? They simply stop taking them out in public.

“What a nice son and his mother.”

I’ve seen it too often, and when I ask about the unease and unhappiness the answer is always the same: “Just too old.” Even in sports it happens, as commentators will say, “He should quit the sport now as he’s just too old.” That athlete may be only 36, but still too old for the game.

Many boxers, football players, stay too long in the game and are embarrassed by younger players. The same goes for the game of love. “Honey, you’re just too old.”

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: President Barack Obama visited our shores for a whirlwind trip, and what a great time was had by all. The visit was short but memorable, and I, as a Jamaican, felt so proud to be a part of history. The man is absolutely brilliant and at ease in every situation.

His visiting the Bob Marley Museum was so cool that it dominated the Internet. The Town Hall Meeting at UWI was for me the highlight of his visit, from his opening of “Greetings massive, wha a gwaan Jamaica?” to the way he interacted and answered the questions. It made my eyes well up with tears.

What great hosts we were, and how gracious he was. But I must point out a speck in the ointment. Some of our journalists kept referring to the President as Obama, which to me shows a bit of disrespect. My wife was so incensed that she called one TV station and asked them to desist. I’m told it’s okay in some circles, but I prefer PRESIDENT Obama.