Though I look old, I am strong and lusty;

For in my youth, I never did apply

Hot and rebellious liquors…

Therefore my age is a lusty winter.

— Shakespeare, As You Like It, II, 5

That may very well be true for some people who, even though they seem to be way past their prime, as far as the numbers go, still manage to be strong and lusty. That’s because, as the man said, they didn’t imbibe rebellious liquors, rum, gin, whisky and such. I have a theory though – that ‘rumheads’ usually seem well preserved. It’s as if the alcohol cures them in the same way a ham is cured.

Sadly though, when a person who seems to be past their prime is still lusty, or lustful, people usually put ‘dirty’ before their name. “What a dirty old man, still lusting after young girls.” Even women don’t escape, as people will admonish her saying, “At her age she still looking man? She must go join church now.”

Other folks are past their prime and look every inch the wrinkled, gnarled, wizened, decrepit, ‘pop down’ dowager that they are. Sadly, they don’t see themselves as such, and are usually sneered at by those looking on.

It’s a sad thing to be past your prime and still remain in the game. It’s pathetic to be over the hill, yet still refuse to take off your hiking boots and put on your bedroom slippers instead. Oh, the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. Never mind.

We’ll see who’s past prime, and why, right after these responses to ‘Full of crap’.

Hi Tony,

Holy crap, the upholsterer in your footnote who had to do most of the work himself should beat the crap out of his lazy apprentices and kick them to the scrapheap for their crappy work ethic. He shouldn’t have to put up with their crap or take any crap from them. Let them go peddle their crap somewhere else.

Heces

Hello Teerob,

You really hit the fan with this one, and you weren’t talking crap either. Some people are really full of it, yet somehow manage to keep it hidden deep in the pit of their soul, so that their partner cannot detect it. As you pointed out, it’s oftentimes odourless, tasteless, invisible and undetectable, and really takes a crapometer to sniff it out. I’m convinced though, that most people put up with crap from each other because they’ve gone ‘noseblind’, having been around it so long, they no longer smell it.

IM Turd

Some people never know when to quit, and remain in the game far too long, until they become a laughing stock, or worse, are pitied by onlookers. This happens a lot in boxing, where once-great fighters refuse to quit the game and continue to slug it out against much younger opponents, even though they’re way past their prime. They usually get a whipping from the youngster, and it’s sad to witness. It’s pathetic. “Is time him hang up his gloves now man, him way past his prime.”

Some people never know when to quit, and remain in the game far too long, until they become a laughing stock, or worse, are pitied by onlookers. This happens a lot in boxing, where once-great fighters refuse to quit the game and continue to slug it out against much younger opponents, even though they’re way past their prime. They usually get a whipping from the youngster, and it’s sad to witness. It’s pathetic. “Is time him hang up his gloves now man, him way past his prime.”

I read where Roy Jones Jnr plans to fight a fan for US$100,000. A fan, not even another boxer, so desperate is he. I also read where Evander Holyfield is thinking about one more fight. Both these guys are way past their prime but just cannot leave the sport.

It also happens in other sports, where ageing athletes refuse to leave the field of play, clinging desperately to their past glory and living off memories. Closer home, cricketer Shiv Chanderpaul still wants to play for the West Indies team, and offered his services, even though many feel that he’s past his prime.

In his case though, I’d make an exception, as the team can do no worse with him in it, for even though they are supposed to be in their prime, they’re all playing like geriatrics and continue to lose.

Some folks just don’t know when to quit, or at least acknowledge that the good old days have long gone. We see it in all walks of life – in politics, where geriatric politicians in all parties still refuse to retire, but will spend their 90th birthdays still politicking. It happens in some other countries too, for Robert Mugabe in Africa is over 90 years old and still in politics. Are we going for his record?

We see it in women, who although once beautiful, sexy, lusty, vivacious, lithe and supple, are now way past their prime, but do not know it. They still expect men to call to them, and wonder why the whistles and catcalls have stopped.. “Psst, lady, I just called to you to tell you that your slip is showing.”

One sign is that they do not dress age-appropriately. Their skin is loose and flabby, wrinkled with cellulite, yet they still parade around in public, wearing shorts that would make a B-Rider on a bike-back look modest in comparison. Surprisingly, I see them a lot in church, of all places, where they wear skimpy outfits that show a lot of skin. They used to call these women who are way past their prime but who still dress like teenagers, ‘Modda Young Gyal’ (Mother Young Girl).

I remember once being in the Netherlands with my karate team and we decided to explore the famous Red Light District in Amsterdam, purely out of curiosity, of course. That’s where prostitution is legal and the girls all display themselves in dimly lit glass booths. We heard so much about these famous ladies of the night that we had to go see for ourselves.

Well, they came in all degrees of beauty, with the scale of value going from high — where the girls were young and beautiful and demanded top dollar — to those who lingered way down in the darkened shadows at the edge of the canal, way past their prime, brushing at least 50 years old, looking like Shrek, and not being able to peddle their worn wares for more than a few measly dollars.

They were in the bargain basement of their profession and of life, and were looked upon with ridicule, if not pity and contempt, save for the occasional desperate buyer. I repeat, we were only observing out of pure interest and curiosity. Surprisingly, the ladies would chat with us but allowed no photos. Some had university degrees.

People past their prime do not believe in retirement, and continue to try and do what they used to do many years ago. Many are legends in their own minds. This applies to men a lot. Men who, for some reason, did not get the memo that age caught up with them.

Now, I’m not saying that a man should start acting like a geriatric just because he’s up in age, but just like women, men should dress and act age-appropriate. Nothing is as sad and pathetic-looking as a man, way past his prime, yet still acting like he’s a spring chicken. “O, Sir, you are old; nature in you stands on the very verge of her confine.” So said King Lear’s daughter to a man who was well past his prime. That was from Shakespeare. Note the words, ‘nature in you stands’. For some men, their nature no longer stands. That’s why Clint Eastwood also said, “A man must know his limitations.”

From Shakespeare to Eastwood, the message is still lost on some of those men who are past their prime yet refuse to acknowledge it. “Hey baby, let’s go for a drink nuh.” “Old man, the only thing you can drink at your age is Ensure. Yu past yu prime.”

It comes in many names, midlife crisis, finding you ‘age paper’, age-inappropriate, sugar daddy and others. The result is the same, an ageing man trying desperately to recapture and cling to his long lost youth.

Usually the only youth that he can cling to is a beautiful young lady who’s attached to his arm with special adhesion to his wallet.

From over the hill football players who now struggle in the Masters’ League competition and take it so seriously that they even fight on the field, to wobbly, woeful womanisers who vie for Viagra, to ageing women who still think that men want them.

They all have one thing in common – they’re past prime but refuse to accept it. As for me, I’m still approaching my prime and still having a great time. Or am I a legend in my own mind?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote:

Footnote:

There is so much talent in our country that it never ceases to amaze me. A young lady, Melissa Nelson, was featured by HG Helps in the

Sunday Observer a few weeks ago who makes decorative candles that are breathtakingly beautiful. I thought at first that she was a big time, highly trained professional artist. Much to my surprise, when I sought her out, I discovered that she works as a cashier at a leading auto parts establishment. She’s so humble, so gifted, so talented, as she makes beautiful candles that rival if not surpass any that I’ve seen overseas. Jamaicans are truly gifted people. Before you curse the darkness, light a candle.