I know thou’rt full of love

And honesty,

And weigh’st thy words

Before thou giv’st them breath.

— Shakespeare,Othello III, 3

Weigh thy words before you speak. Take a breath before you utter those words. Think before you let fly those barbs. I know many women who have no edit button on their mouths, much to the consternation of their men.

I

I

s there a difference in the way that women let loose their words to men than the way that men do? Are women more consistent, clinical, cutting, curt with their words, that, like water dripping on a rock, tends to wear down the hardest surface?

Why is it that when a woman speaks to a man about things that he does, or more importantly, does not do, it’s called nagging? In fact, so much has been said about women nagging, that even the

Bible alluded to it many times.

There are 29 references to women nagging in the

Bible, mostly in Proverbs. “Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot tempered wife.”

“A nagging wife is like water, going drip, drip, drip.”

“A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are akin. To restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in your right hand.”

I was surprised that there were so many references to nagging women in the

Bible, yet none about men nagging. Is it because of biblical chauvinism, biblical gender inequality, or that the

Bible was translated and transcribed by men?

Or is it that women really do nag? We’ll explore all this right after these responses to ‘What men shouldn’t say’.

Hi Tony,

It’s a fact that women speak at least twice as much as men, and men lose interest in what women say half the time. It’s no wonder that we men have an urgent need to get our two cents in, and in that haste, tend to speak without thought. Sweet words to a woman are like music to her ears and have ‘charms to soothe a savage beast’. Say the wrong thing and experience hell. The great American humourist Will Rogers said: “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”

David

Teerob,

It’s best that men say as little to a woman as possible, except to compliment her. No matter what the man says, it will be misinterpreted and misunderstood. Is it any wonder why men just say “Yes dear, no dear, anything you say dear,” rather than say anything to a woman? Either way, a man is damned whenever he opens his mouth.

Norman

Norman

I seem to have opened up a can of worms, or should I say, a Pandora’s Box, with women and words and what men should or should not say to women. The irony is, women are always saying things to men, over and over again, with religious, relentless, regurgitating regularity. In effect, they nag.

But, they don’t think so. In the same way that alcoholics, gamblers, smokers, always say that they aren’t those things, and can stop anytime, a woman feels the same way about nagging. “You call it nagging, but I ‘m simply telling you to do the right thing.”

I remember this woman telling her husband, “You made me lose my mind.” To which the man replied, “It was bound to happen, you’ve been giving me a piece of it for years.”

I put the question to my dear wife, “Honey, do women nag?” To which she replied, “Of course not. Men just say that because they don’t want to be told of their faults.”

Well, well, what can I say? Other wives tend to agree, as they say, “Men need to be told what to do, how to do it, and more importantly, when to do it.” That ‘when’ is so important, for women want men to do things when they want it done, and if not, then it’s a deluge of words.

Women do not see it as nagging, and in fact, find the word offensive and sexist. At that point it begs the question, “Why don’t men nag?” I guess that some men do nag, but it’s as rare as hen’s teeth. Plus, I can’t even imagine a man nagging a woman.

The fact is, so much has been said about women nagging that it must be true. After all, the

Holy

Bible would not speak of it so often if it were not true. There is no mention of nagging men, but a lot about nagging women, including mothers-in-law. Now that’s another story worth exploring. I’m blessed to have a great mom-in-law, but I have heard stories of living hell from some of my friends.

What is nagging though? It’s not just words, but the regularity of the verbiage. Not the powerful onslaught of a mighty river, but the constant drip, drip, drip of the water on the rock that the

Bible speaks of.

But what do women nag about? Ah, “How do I nag thee, let me count the ways.” Apologies to Shakespeare. Women tend to nag men about almost anything, some with justification. One area that ignites nagging is the man’s mobility, his coming and going. “It’s one o’clock in the morning. Every night this time you come crawling home, when you going to stop? Where you coming from, who were you with????”

Some men like to stay after work and have a few libations with their friends, but many women hate this, and they make it known with a superfluity of words. The man is told every night, every week, every month, every year, what a lousy lout he is for stumbling home late every night. It’s like a mosquito buzzing in the man’s ears. “Nengay nengay nengay…Is like Aedes egypti mosquito in me ears. Yu nagging soon give me ZikV.”

A man would never do that, it’s just not in his DNA. Instead, he would give sage advice, “Honey, I don’t like your coming home so late at night, it’s not safe.” End of story. If she persists with the pattern, he won’t nag her, but find some other means to get the point home to her.

My bredrin tells me that his wife just can’t stand to see him sitting and relaxing for even a minute. As soon as he reclines on the couch, it’s, “Why you so lazy, go take out the garbage, the garden needs weeding, go wash the car.”

“Oh my commanding wife, she come to destroy my life,” were the words from the calypso song. From calypso to church, a woman’s nagging is documented with religious and humorous fervour.

And yet, the women still don’t see it as nagging and even justify their actions by saying, “I have to keep telling him what to do all the time to get it through his thick skull.” Piece of her mind, no peace.

Most women say that they have to nag….er, speak, not so much because men do things, but because they do not do things. “Everything I ask him to do, he takes forever to do it, so I have to be on his case like a jockey on a horse.”

Why is this so? The psychologists say that it’s a woman’s nature to see a man’s wrong and try to correct it. It may be her son, nephew or husband. As long as it’s a male, he needs correcting.

Sons think that mothers nag too, but because she’s mom, he can’t say so. When he grows older, he can respond to nagging from his woman.

“No matter how I keep telling him, he still keeps doing the wrong thing,” say some women. As far as many women are concerned, men are always doing the wrong thing, are lazy, lethargic, listless, lackadaisical louts, and only their constant nagging… corrective words, will change them.

Do men nag? From what I’ve researched, men nag women for one thing only, and that’s sex. For that ribald romp they will be relentless, repetitive with their words. They will not stop, never give up, never cease to nag about that ticklish subject.

“Every night you have headache, or gone to church meeting, or too tired, or your mother visiting. Whap’n to my needs???”

That’s the only time a man will nag his woman, and not all men either. Some simply quail up and accept the celibacy, while others go to street. So all in all, the experts, poets, songwriters, and the

Bible, have spoken — women nag, men give advice. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: I finally got a chance to travel the full length of the north/south highway from Caymanas to Mammee Bay. Previously, I had entered at Angels Toll, and the Mammee Bay leg wasn’t open as yet, but this time I did the full stretch. What a magnificent marvel of engineering it is; And the scenery is breathtaking. We left Kingston at 8:15 am and arrived in Runaway Bay before 9:30 am, driving easy in the rain, almost halving a journey that usually takes well over two hours. The toll wasn’t cheap, but it works out well as it’s one hour less driving time, less gas, plus wear and tear on the vehicle is minimised. No more Flat Bridge, no more Mount Rosser. I love it.