As children going to primary school, most of us can remember Social Studies class where we learned about the family unit. There was the nuclear family, comprised of two parents – Mother and Father – and children; the Extended Family which featured the aunts, uncles, grandparents and the Single parent family which is basically one parent and the child/ren. At that time we were also taught that the ideal family unit is the nuclear family because a child needs both parents to raise him/her. In the modern Jamaican society however, the most popular family unit is the single parent family with the other parent living away from the child. In most cases the child lives with the mother while the father is non-residential and there’s usually some arrangement made between the parents as to how they will handle raising the child. This phenomenon explains why so many children form closer bonds with their mothers and why it seems Fathers’ Day is greeted with a luke-warm reception, especially if compared to that of Mother’s Day.

At the last staging of Girlfriendz – Cocktailz & Conversationz held June 5, the conversation explored some of the issues around fatherhood asking provocative questions like: How fair is the term

“Dead Beat Dad”? The traditional expectation of fatherhood is to be the sole financial provider, but with most mothers working that job is now shared. For most non-residential fathers, they are expected to fulfill the same financial role sometimes at the risk of not getting any physical access to their child. Some of the fathers who do not meet the financial requirements of the mothers are labelled as dead beat, in any cases unfairly so.

The panel discussion at Girlfriendz featured an all father panel and they were able to give meaningful insight to what it is like when their children are being used as pawns to keep them in check. One panellist indicated that he has 3 children with 3 different women and how challenging it is because the mothers are always competing with each other. He gave an example that he bought a pair of sneakers for his son for school and how the mothers of his two other children immediately contacted him to find out how comes their child didn’t also get new sneakers.

While the job of providing financially for the child is important, this is not a function that is exclusive to fathers. Also, the non-tangible needs that fathers fulfil for their children are also vital and should not be sacrificed because of conflicts between the parents. Too many fathers are being kept at bay because the mothers of their children are not willing to work with them. It is a fact that there are some fathers who are not active at all in their children’s lives and some of them seem not to be interested but the good fathers shouldn’t suffer for the bad ones. So instead of constantly competing with each other, parents should put their prides aside and work together for the welfare of their child. Happy Fathers Day!

ABOUT the writer:

Shelly-Ann “Dr Sexy-Ann” Weeks is a Relationship Coach, Media Personality and Writer. Visit her website www.drsexyann.com for more articles and videos.