‘Tis such fools as you

That makes the world

Ful of ill-favoured children.

– Shakespeare, As You Like It, III, 5

I have used that quote before, but it’s so apt regarding our children that it’s worth a second go, for the world, and indeed Jamaica, is full of ill-favoured children. Boys and girls of all ages display a lack of manners, decorum, ignorance of etiquette, bad behaviour, no social graces and no sense of right from wrong.

Were they born that way, uncouth and uncultured in the ways of society, or is it as a result of their environment, their upbringing, their parents, who didn’t teach them the ways of the world?

Even animals teach their young how to survive in the wild, and they take great pains and display huge amounts of patience while doing so, too. None is untrainable.

My late grandma used to say that some children were just born bad, and according to her, “When the breed bad, it just bad.” In other words, the entire generation is just bad and nothing can be done to save them.

That may very well be true, but I think that most of the examples of wayward, ill-mannered children occur as a result of no ‘home training’. Who remembers home training and how popular the term used to be?

It was attributed to children who were bereft of all social mores and had the manners and decorum of a rabid wolf.

No home training, we’ll see what that’s all about right after these responses to ‘OMG why?’

My Dear Tony,

You ask the question, OMG why? That question has been asked for centuries by both laymen and scholars of the scriptures of almost all religions. To date, it has not been answered. We hear that God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to behold. We hear that God has a plan and reason for everything far beyond our comprehension. That question has vexed even the most devout scholars of religion and has made even some lose faith. But faith is all that we have, my son, faith and prayers.

Pastor Thomas

Tony,

Like you, I have many questions about the ways and reasons of the Lord. I have seen family members get sick, suffer in agony for years and die, and they all lived good, productive lives serving God and society. I have seen young children taken from this life, leaving a hole in the heart of parents. I have seen much suffering of the innocent and exaltation of the wicked. I, too, ask the question OMG why? And I, too, sometimes have my faith shaken. I’m a nurse, and I see suffering every day. Why Lord, why?

Judy

A few weeks ago, I was covering a Jamaica Deposit Insurance Corporation (JDIC) Awards function where high school children were feted and awarded prizes for excellence and achievement. A most admirable gesture on the part of the JDIC as it taught young minds the value of economic independence and future planning.

Some of the children were accompanied by their mothers, as it was a proud moment in their lives. One child and her mother sat beside me during the lunch break, and I could not help but notice that that they were inept in the art/skill of using utensils. In other words, dem cudden use nife an fawk.

The daughter, after a few attempts, played it safe and used her fork only, but the poor mother struggled and tried unsuccessfully to master the technique of holding the knife in her right hand. These are skills that most people take for granted.

It saddened me, and I was tempted to take her hand and guide her through the process. But I didn’t, as I feared causing her further embarrassment or anxiety. Interestingly, a few days after, a lady told me that she took three high school girls, who she was mentoring, to dinner and couldn’t believe that they could not use their knives and forks. What a coincidence, two knife and fork stories in two days.

“I could not believe that girls from a prominent high school in Kingston couldn’t use knife and fork,” she said. Some people blame it on the box lunch scenario, fast food, eating before the television, eating while on mobile phones. But I put the blame squarely at the feet of the parents who offer no home training.

Children have to be trained; so a twig is bent, so it will grow. A child who grows with wolves will act like a wolf. And apart from the twins Romelus and Remus — who were purported to have been suckled by a she-wolf and went on to create Rome when they grew up — the average child will simply adapt the animal-like behaviour and savage ways of feral beasts.

We see them all the time and wonder at their beast-like behaviour. So much so that a prominent politician labelled some of these children as acting like “leggo beasts”. He was soundly criticised by some people, but we can see for ourselves how crude and uncouth some of these children are.

But a lack of home training will breed leggo beast-like behaviour in some children, and the lack of social graces, like using utensils, pale in comparison to their other behavioural patterns.

As a child, I was taught to have manners and be respectful to adults. “Make sure you say please and thank you to everybody.” Manners will take you through life, and even Dr Mark Broomfield in is interview on Profile, expressed that good manners drew people to him and made them help him in his difficult, poverty-stricken journey from illiteracy to gaining his PhD. “Manners maketh the man.” – Shakespeare.

These values are not taught in many homes nowadays, and it’s reflected in the behaviour of many of our children. They don’t say please, they don’t say thank you, they don’t say good morning or good evening.

Just recently a teacher told me how she entered her classroom, said “good morning,” and no child answered. She had to repeat in a loud tone, “Good morning class,” before a feeble reply came. No home training, they simply don’t know any better.

We were taught bathroom etiquette, how to brush our teeth, wash hands, use the toilet and basic stuff that’s supposed to be everyday patterns of civilised behaviour. But we are a civilisation in decline.

I watched a family eating at a restaurant recently and was appalled at how the father chewed his food and spat the bones and fat directly onto his plate. His wife and two young sons were there to witness the disgusting sight, and probably they’ll be doing the same thing in the future. What next, putting his mouth directly into the plate and eating from it? They see nothing wrong with it, for they got no home training and just don’t know any better.

Home training means teaching your children to put back the chair under the dining table after they’ve finished eating and, of course, to close their knives and forks too. But what am I saying, who eats at the dining table anymore? Who sits with the family and eats anymore? Who has family Sunday dinners anymore?

Home training means holding the door open for an elderly person, or for a woman. It’s got so bad that even some women are bewildered if a man holds a door open for them. “Why him opening the door for me and I’m not disabled?”

Speaking of the disabled, not even they are spared the ill-mannered behaviour of some of our children, who will push them out of the way to get by.

Home training means teaching your children not to barge in and interrupt adults who are in conversation. Yet we see it happen all the time. If I’m speaking to someone and a child interrupts and the parent allows it, I walk away.

And don’t blame it on poverty either, for I know many financially challenged children who have great home training and have more manners and decorum than a military school graduate. I also know many rich, ill-mannered, boorish children.

And yet, there are pockets of hope. There are some children who are the products of good home training. I must single out the students of Ardenne High School who assist in the running of the Annual Seido Karate Tournament every year. Their behaviour, decorum, manners and social graces are above par. I must commend the school and, of course, the parents for grooming such excellent children.

Home training will take you through life, but a lack of home training is a curse on the land, and maybe, just maybe, feeds our crime problem. More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Still on the subject of children, I read that PE (Physical Education) is to be abolished for some children who are taking exams. I simply cannot agree with that. A PE class of one hour, even twice per week, cannot impact negatively on a child’s study programme, yet can have great positives. Don’t we remember the phrase, a fit body makes a fit mind? I was physically active back in my high school days at KC and beyond, being on the football team, swimming team, doing track and field, plus other physical activities straight up to sixth form, and it didn’t affect our grades. Bring back PE, it can only do good to the overall well-being of our children.