As I sat in traffic waiting for the lights to change, I overheard two very angry motorists exchanging “cloth purchases” from very large fabric stores. I thought that they were going to harm each other. It was not a good scene.

Everyday frustrations, resentment and impatience can cause tempers to flare. For many people, these are fleeting moments. They are able to take these situations in stride and quickly return to a sense of calm without exploding.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. It is both a physiological (body) and psychological (mind) process, and it can have a negative impact on your physical and emotional health. You need to manage your anger if your blood boils after minor irritations, such as when you are stuck in traffic or if you are constantly furious.

It is natural and instinctive to respond aggressively to anger. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It can help protect us from dangerous situations and energise us to resolve problems. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival.

However, we need to remember that we must not lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Societal norms and laws, along with wisdom and common sense, place limits on the extent of our anger.

We have all experienced anger, whether as a fleeting annoyance or as rage. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems. When expressed appropriately, anger can be healthy.

There are a variety of ways — such as expressing, suppressing, and calming — in which we use conscious and unconscious processes to deal with our angry feelings.

EXPRESSING ANGER

Expressing angry feelings in an assertive, not aggressive, manner is the healthiest way to express anger. In order to do this, we need to be aware of ways to clearly make our needs known and ways to get them met without hurting others. Being assertive does not mean being demanding or overbearing; it means being self-assured and respectful of ourselves and others.

SUPPRESSING ANGER

Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This occurs when the anger is “held inside”, when we stop thinking about our anger and instead focus on the positive aspects of our lives. In this case, the aim is to convert the anger into more constructive behaviour.

However, there is danger in anger suppression.

The holding back of expression can result in the anger turning inward, that is on ourselves. Suppressed anger can lead to violent eruptions if the anger has been simmering without an outlet. Evidence from numerous studies is clear: constant chronic anger, aggression and hostility raise our risk of developing heart disease by as much as five times the normal rate. The more hostility we tend to express, the more prone to heart disease we are likely to be.

If you find that you immediately get angry when you have to wait in traffic or when confronted with a long line at the supermarket checkout, or if you are yourself constantly yelling at your loved ones, you may be slowly killing yourself.

Supressed anger may also cause hypertension or depression.

Unexpressed anger can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour — getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than directly confronting them — or a personality that appears to be always cynical and hostile. For example, individuals who are constantly putting others down, criticising everything and making cynical comments have not learned how to constructively express their anger.

CALMING ANGER

Many people finally calm down, allowing their feelings to subside. Nonetheless, if you have tried to express, suppress and calm your feelings and you are still angry, you need to learn anger management techniques.

The goal of anger management is to reduce psychological feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. It is important to note that you cannot get rid of or avoid situations or people that enrage you; nor can you change them. However, you can learn to control your reactions.

TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR ANGER

Relaxation

Count yourself calm. Count backwards from 10, in sync with your breath, inserting calming words between numbers, like this: “10-keep calm; 9-chill out; 8-stay cool . . .” This interrupts the anger response, allowing you to act more consciously.

Rehearse your reaction

Practising the art of staying calm when you’re not angry will make it easier to do so when you are. Counselling psychologist Grace Hughes suggests that you spend 10 minutes each day visualising a relaxing scene, like a flowing river. Imagine the water gently lapping at your feet. As you relax, notice how your body feels. With practise, you will be able to recall that calm feeling when you start to get angry.

Change the way you think

Separate observations from evaluations. Your husband comes home from work, passes you cooking in the kitchen without as much as a nod. You think: “Here I am cooking dinner for this man after I spent a long day at work and he just passed me. Just wait! I’m going to do the same thing to him.” It is possible that he may not have seen you. Try to focus only on facts, not your interpretations of other people’s actions.

Agree to disagree

Make a pact with loved ones and co-workers that when tempers flare, you will stop the discussion until you are all more level-headed. If you are afraid that you will avoid revisiting the subject, make a date to discuss it.

Communicate

Use your words. Anger is often a response to an unmet need. Identifying and expressing that need is a productive way of dispelling pent-up anger. When you begin to brood about something, say to yourself, “I need _____” and fill in the blank.

“If you can find out what you need in a situation and then attempt to obtain it in a reasonable way, there is a good chance you will be successful.

Icy tones of voice and bad words are counterproductive ways of expressing anger. Speak calmly about what makes you feel angry; avoid language that assigns blame, such as “You made me feel abandoned when . . . ” Instead, communicate by saying, “I felt jealous (or anxious or lonely) when . . . ”

Change your environment

Sometimes the cause of our anger is our immediate environment. In this case, give yourself a break, whether it is 15 minutes long or of a permanent nature.

Managing anger effectively can be beneficial to you and those people with whom you interact. This is one of the cornerstones of good health.

Dr Jacqueline E Campbell is a family physician, university lecturer and pharmacologist. She is the author of the book A patient’s guide to the treatment of diabetes mellitus. Email: drjcampbell14@yahoo.com