Think of marriage now;

Younger than you, here in Verona,

Ladies of esteem

Are made already mothers.

— Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet I, 3

Think about getting married soon, for women younger than you are also not only already married, but are mothers. Don’t wait, as the biological clock is ticking and time is running out. That seemed to be the common thinking and conventional wisdom of the day back in old times. And even now those sentiments seem to hold sway, as many women still clamour to walk down the aisle.

Still, despite this yearning for matrimony, many women are content or resigned to not getting married, go it alone, be spinsters all of their lives. Call them Miss, or as the modern title goes, Ms, which was coined a few decades ago during the dawn of feminism in the USA.

That title was originally affixed to the names of women who were involved in the women’s liberation movement and had no interest in tying any knot, but it’s now in mainstream and accepted by most single women.

So if you aren’t sure of the marital status of a woman and don’t know how to address her, just call her Ms, and you’ll be safe. But why are some women unmarried? It by choice, or by design?

We’ll find out all this and more right after these very forgiving responses to my article on ‘Forgiveness’.

Hi Tony,

To forgive is to give up resentment or absolve someone who has wronged you. As you correctly stated, the level of forgiveness granted depends on the degree or severity of being wronged. If a friend or loved one slapped me to bring me back to my senses, then I will forgive. However, slap me with malice or hatred and I will likely react forcefully and clearly show any lack of forgiveness.

Conrad

Teerob,

It’s a brave person who forgives 100 per cent. I have found that when you forgive totally, that person takes you for granted, or even takes you for a fool and will do the exact same thing that they did to you originally, or sometimes worse. I may forgive, but only partially, keeping one eye open for any other infraction, on condition that if the person ever tries that stunt again, war going to bruk. So I forgive with a warning — do it again and you have hell to pay.

Cheryl

It used to be the dream of every young girl to get married, walk down the aisle with the man of her dreams, have bridesmaids in waiting and look into the man’s eyes and say, ‘I do’. Oh yes, it was drilled into the heads of young girls that they must find a nice man, settle down, and have a passel of children as they live happily ever after.

“Oh, why can’t I have my dream and eat wedding cake with all my friends surrounding me?”

“Your younger sister married already, what you waiting on?” So much pressure was brought to bear on young women back then.

Nowadays, many women choose not to get married but instead prefer to be by themselves, choose their own path, be captains of their own destiny. Is this really true though, or is it that they were dealt a cruel blow by fate, cursed never to marry, never had the good fortune to be joined in matrimony?

Just the other day someone brought to my attention the fact that so many attractive, educated, ‘nice’ women never got married.

“Something must be wrong with her. How a nice-looking woman like her never ever got married?”

“Sometimes dem look nice but dem is pure crosses; no man nah go married to dem.”

I certainly won’t name any names here, but some are prominent in the media, legal profession, politics, education, financial sector, entertainment, church, yet never, ever got married. Some were beauty queens, pretty like money, popular like good cook food, yet remain spinsters all of their lives. Why is this so? Well, some of them just never found the right man, it would appear. But who is the right man, and how come countless women with less attributes find that man and get married?

Marriage may not be the be-all and end-all of people’s existence, but it does carry an illusory air of respectability to it. “So, you’re 45 years old and never married? Hmmmm.” This is so stigmatised that even a woman who was married and divorced is further up the totem pole of respectability than a woman who was never married. Maybe the thought is, “She never married, nobody nuh want her. Poor thing.”

The divorced woman can still be referred to as Mrs, and most do not drop their married name, long after the decree absolute has been signed and the ex-husband has moved on and even got married again. That bolsters my point of the respectability of matrimony. “She will forever be known as Mrs Bucket, even though she divorced 30 years ago.”

But the woman who was never married is viewed with a modicum of suspicion or even pity. “You want to tell me that a pretty, educated woman like that never got married? Something must be wrong with her.”

One theory is that many of these women pick and choose until they pick out, as the saying goes. Another is that many of them put all their stakes into one man who then turned out to be a bitter disappointment. So having been bitten once, they lost all trust in men and never got involved again. “That’s it for me, no man will ever do me that again.”

Another theory is that some of them got involved with married men from an early age and, as per usual, married men rarely leave their wives for their mistresses. So oftentimes they are serial mistresses, perennial side chicks, professional mateys — always the other woman, always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.

Statistically, mistresses rarely end up getting married, as some weird cosmic marital karma proves this. “She love get involve with married man too much, that’s why she never got married.”

If mistresses only knew what pain they caused to wives, they wouldn’t wonder why they pay the price of never getting married themselves. Their excuse is that it’s the married men who seek them out, not the other way around.

What are the odds though, that her last four relationships were with married men? The thing is, some men harbour the notion that, “Some you f… and others you marry.” That’s right, some women are just not the marrying kind. In fact, some are absolutely unmarryable.

There is some truth to that, for I do know quite a few women who are perennial mistresses to married men and never managed to get married themselves. Coincidence, bad luck, or cosmic karma? Many are miserable, cranky and depressed. But even though they never got married, many still have children, as the stigma of being an unwed mother has long since flown out the window. This occurs here and abroad, as unmarried mothers are no longer viewed with disdain. In fact, most proudly declare, “I’m a single mother.”

The prime minster of New Zealand is not only unmarried, but a mother of one child and currently pregnant. She’s also the youngest head of government in the world, taking office at age 37. Imagine a babymother as prime minister, here in Jamaica? Are we ready for that?

Gone are the days when a spinster was pitied. “Oh dear, she’s past 35 and never married, what a shame.” Even moreso, gone are the days of the baby-mother being frowned on. “Imagine, she had a child out of wedlock, what a scandal.”

Nowadays, babymothers may very well outnumber married mothers. I must do my research, but being unmarried also has its disadvantages, one being the strong possibility of not getting any sex. It’s an involuntary celibacy, and in fact there is a worldwide group called the Incel Group, short for Involuntary Celibate.

That guy in Toronto who drove his van and killed all those people belonged to that group. I have written about this for years, that lack of nookie (sex) can drive you crazy. I shall explore that anon.

“Why did you kill all those people?”

“I belong to Incel. Women reject me, I get no sex, I am mad as hell.”

But why women are unmarried is anybody’s guess. Maybe it’s by choice, maybe it’s by design. What I do know is that many unmarried women dislike their situation, even though most won’t admit it. Some have told me though, “I’d prefer even to have gotten married and divorced, just to have experienced that day.”

Is never having been married a curse?

More time.

seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Children live what they learn. Many people have commented on the disturbing behaviour of our parliamentarians, and have expressed disappointment and even shock at the display by those entrusted to be our leaders. True, there has been worse behaviour in parliaments in other countries, but this is no excuse for us to descend into anarchy. Young schoolchildren were in attendance and left with a negative perspective of adult leaders. I heard an 11-year-old boy call a radio station to express his shock and dismay. Is this what we have become? And yet we chastise young people for their bad behaviour. Peter Tosh was right when he sang, “You can’t blame the youth.”