A plague upon it,

When thieves cannot

Be true one to another.

— Shakespeare, 1 Henry

And partners who cheat really are thieves, and as the old saying goes, there is no honour among thieves. But there are ways to reduce the risks of being cheated on, and naturally, there are countermeasures too.

The definition of a countermeasure is: an action or device designed to negate or offset another. So basically, a countermeasure is something done to counter the actions of something or someone. In this case, it’s someone, for people are always doing something to counter or negate the actions of others.

For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, which does hold true in the scientific world. But when it comes to the world of man and woman all science flies through the window, as emotions and feelings have no scientific basis.

In the case of men and women, for every action there is an opposite reaction, but it’s not necessarily equal. A woman will do something to a man and he has his own countermeasures, and a man will do something to a woman and she will counter it a thousand fold.

It’s different from revenge; it’s an action meant to thwart the action of the offender, it’s a foil, sometimes a pre-emptive strike, a countermeasure. I’m addressing this because of the numerous comments that I got to my column that explored how wives multi tasked, and especially the aspect of how they possessed investigative acumen and intuition.

Naturally, there are men who have ways of countering those, and I’ll deal with that right after these responses to ‘Wives multitask’.

Hi Tony,

You pretty much covered all the bases, but there is one other attribute that some long-time wives have, and that is the ability to sense skulduggery. If the husband departs from the norm, the wife senses that something is amiss, and will interrogate until he breaks down and admits his dastardly deed. Regarding your footnote on Americans going broke after missing one pay cheque, financial advisors will tell you that you should have at least three months’ pay saved in reserves for emergencies.

Sherman

Hey Tony,

Spot on, brother. Wives have this uncanny knack of being able to do so many different things and be all things to their husbands. When I was ill, I watched my wife take over the leadership role and steady the ship until I recovered. She did things that I didn’t know she was capable of and brought new meaning to the word multitask.

Douglas

One aspect of wives multitasking that some men take umbrage with is their power of observation, their detective skills, and their ability to ferret out clues that even a bloodhound would miss. Now, clearly that howl came from men who were up to no good, and were hell-bent on countering any measures that the wives initiated to keep them in check.

Now, it’s a fact that many wives have this awesome knack of investigating and the ability to sense when the husband is up to no good. And he knows this. So one countermeasure is to throw her off track, put a red herring in her path to confuse her sense of sniffing out things.

Yes, that sense of smell is uncanny, and one guy mentioned that wives will easily detect perfume on men that’s not hers. So his countermeasure is to buy the same perfume for his girlfriend as the one that his wife wears.

I actually mentioned that in my column, and many men admitted that was one countermeasure that they used.

“But what if your wife changed perfume or had one that was unique?”

“Well, I’ll just have to find some way to match the new one or import the unique one,” came the reply.

Countermeasures can be costly.

Some men end up buying a lot of perfume, and as one man added, “If I ever forgot it in my car, I’ll just tell her that I bought it for her as a surprise.” The trouble that people go through to achieve these countermeasures makes you wonder if it’s worth it.

Like I said, countermeasures are from men who are up to no good, and are deceitful, lying, deceptive and full of guile. Still, they exist, so we can’t sweep their deeds under the carpet. I’m sure there are readers wondering if it’s them who I’m referring to, but if the polygraph fits, wear it.

Another countermeasure is never to change habits or routine, as the reader in that first letter alluded to. So many men spend years doing the same thing routinely, leaving home at the same time, returning at the same hour, establishing a pattern that British Rail would be proud of. “One thing with Charlie yu nuh, you can put yu pot pon fire by him.”

Men counter this by not establishing a routine at all. They leave the house at different times, and more importantly, arrive home at varying hours. “That way she can’t track my whereabouts or movements.”

The thing is though, this erratic staccato behaviour has to be established from early, for if a man who is as regular as a seven o’clock bowel action suddenly starts to display a difference in his coming and going, then that certainly will arouse suspicion.

All the guile, deception and countermeasures are done so that the man can spend time away from home and be with someone who’s not his wife. Naturally, he will have sex with that other person, so how does he counter that ability which his wife has to detect that sordid activity?

First, he’d have to mask all evidence, and one way is by not crissing up too much after. One countermeasure to a wife’s power of perception is, never take a shower at the woman’s house. It’s a foolish man who leaves his house in the morning, works all day, then goes home all fresh and clean, smelling like a cologne factory.

A good counter is to go home and rush into the shower as quickly as possible. Even so, some men have been undone by evidence left on their underwear, so countermeasures have to be detailed.

Then how would he cope if his wife wanted her pound of flesh, her time for a roll in the hay, her bout of lovemaking? Remember, he just left the other house, so evidence may be lingering, plus physically he may not be up to it.

Well, the experts in countermeasures suggest that the man goes home in a foul mood, walks through the door miserable and grumpy, complains about having a bad day at work and that all he wants to do is take a shower and go to bed.

The multitasking wife will understand and leave him alone, for she knows when to hold and when to fold. Remember, I am by no means promoting or endorsing this type of behaviour, but the fact is, it does exist and my not pointing it out will not let it go away.

The question is, do women have countermeasures for men also? Ha! “How can I foil thee, let me count the ways,” to slightly deviate from Romeo and Juliet. The irony is, women have been countering the ways of men for centuries, but are so good at it that most men aren’t even aware that they do it.

Not only do they countermeasure the men, but they countermeasure the countermeasures of the men. The man who watches his wife like a hawk is akin to a foolish dog who barks at a flying bird. It’s an exercise in futility.

The biggest countermeasure that a woman has is her ability to be all things to all men, and be the master, make that mistress, of time management. There are men who put so many strictures on their wives — treating them almost like prisoners — yet they still have countermeasures.

He watches when she leaves for work, he calls her during the day, calls her when she reaches home, watches her every movement. Yet she still has a countermeasure to all that and makes the time to do her dalliance.

Unlike men who tend to do their wrongdoings at night, fulfilling the cliché of staying out late, women haven’t got to do that. They can carry on their activity at any given time, supermarket time, gym time, church time. Yes, church time. You saw where the Pope admitted that thousands of priests were involved sexually with nuns and even had nuns as sex slaves? You know, I have to address that soon.

Yes, that’s the ultimate countermeasure of the woman, her ability to manage her time and be none the worse for the wear. Be like water. As a wise man once said, “Place your hand in a bucket of water then pull it out and look in the bucket. No one will know that your hand was in that water.”

Again, let me stress that I’m not promoting or encouraging these countermeasures, but just telling it like it is.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: We are in a crisis, not only with crime or the economy, but those taxi and bus men who are a scourge on our roads. Everyone talks and writes about their disgusting behaviour but nothing is being done, as they get worse every day. They have no respect for other motorists and are a law unto themselves. Not even police they respect. They bear down in droves on other drivers like a herd of wildebeests, cutting across lanes, and forcing people to swerve to avoid collision. They park at traffic lights, making their own personal taxi stand or parking lot, and you dare not honk your horn for them to move. They are their own law and we have descended into road hog anarchy. God help us all.