I have no spur

To prick the sides of my intent,

But only

Vaulting ambition, which o’erleaps itself.

— Shakespeare, Macbeth 1, 7

Is it ambition that makes someone think that they are better than another person, and therefore leaps over them, or is it natural that having achieved a measure of success they then feel as if they have outgrown that person and decide to leap away, move on, get outta Dodge?

It is indeed natural for people to outgrow things. This begins from childhood, where infants quickly outgrow their clothes, shoes and even their cribs. “You don’t see that the baby outgrow her clothes? You have to get new ones for her.”

Get some new ones for her. Hold that thought as I’ll get back to that later. This applies to other aspects of people’s lives also, where folks will buy a little studio apartment, or starter home as they call it, then have to move to a bigger place as it soon begins to feel cramped.

They outgrew the space and need a larger area to live. This is even more critical if they have children, for they definitely have outgrown the little pad and need to find more space for the patter of all those little feet.

All this is in reference to inanimate objects such as clothes, shoes, cars, houses. But what happens when someone outgrows their partner? What are the ramifications, the positives and negatives, and the effect that it has on the other person?

We’ll see what outgrow really is, right after these not so pious responses to ‘Prurient priests, carnal congregations’.

Hi Tony,

Just like you, I wonder if those so-called God-fearing people have no fear of The Almighty. They perform the most debased, salacious, raunchy, ribald, libidinous acts known to man and beasts, yet act all pious and holier than thou come light of day. These are persons who others look up to as they preach the words of holiness, righteousness and salvation. Yet, they are more depraved than pirates in a brothel. I say shame on them, they have let down God and man.

James

Hey Tony,

You have given this topic full coverage and I can’t add anything meaningful to it. Regarding your footnote on policemen and self-defence, it should be mandatory and included in police training. The cadets should prove to be proficient before being allowed to graduate from training school. Whatever happened to the baton, billy club, night stick that constables of past years used in physical confrontations?

Sherlock

Have you ever witnessed a scenario where a couple breaks up and the reason given was, “Oh, his wife cut and run yu nuh, she outgrew him and moved on.” What the heck is that, how can someone outgrow someone else? After all, people aren’t shoes.

Well, it’s more prevalent than you’d imagine, and perhaps even you were either the perpetrator of the outgrowing or the victim of it. “Man, she outgrow me like a pair of old slippers. Say she want Gucci instead.”

If you were the perpetrator I’m sure that you’d feel as if your actions were justified. “I couldn’t stay with him and remain at his level. I leapt over him long ago.” But if you were the one who was outgrown, then you must feel hard done, discarded like an old shoe, left like last week’s newspaper.

It usually happens when one party feels as if he or she achieved more than the partner and has elevated and levitated to another realm, a higher dimension, a lofty penthouse of kings, queens and potentates.

In many cases, money and higher education play a huge part in making one feel as if they have outgrown the other. There’s this joke about this wife who won millions in the lottery. She ran home screaming of her good fortune:

“Bertie, I won the lotto, start packing.”

“Sure honey, where are we going, Paris, Rome, Madrid?”

Her reply was: “Not we, YOU, start packing and get the hell out.”

It may be a joke, but there’s so much truth in it. Even in Jamaica there’s a saying, “Yu get rich and switch.” Yup, the person came into some money, decided that they’ve now outgrown their friends, and moved on up to a higher echelon of society. They’ve basically outgrown their past. At least that’s what they think.

“We’re moving on up to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky.” That was from the TV comedy show, The Jeffersons.

This also applies to athletes and other sports persons who started from humble beginnings then made it big on the world stage. I’m not calling any names, but do you think that any much-loved sprinter would have stayed with his high school girlfriend after he made it big?

Certainly not. Now he’s hobnobbing with royalty and rubbing shoulders with beauty queens, models and movie stars. “Baby, it was nice when I was small, but I’ve outgrown you, so see ya.“

Speaking of beauty queens, the same applies, as they are notorious for outgrowing their partners. When they were nobody just out of high school, the boyfriend was adequate. But as soon as that crown went on, Miss World or Miss Universe grew by leaps and bounds and no longer viewed that partner as being equal.

Remember what I said earlier about getting new stuff? Well, when the partner outgrows the other, he or she always gets brand new shinier and nicer stuff. Those beauty queens will now be on the arms of some tycoon or man of notoriety.

But it’s not only money, for education also plays a big part in this scenario. I have lost count of the number of cases that I have seen. I remember this lady from many years ago who was a struggling media worker. She was married to another media worker and seemed to be doing okay.

Well, by dint of hard work she attained her PhD while he remained at the same level as when they first got married. She grew while he did not. Now, you know that no way would she stay with him, having outgrown him. So faster than you could say, “PhD and two CXC don’t take tea,” she shed him like how a snake shed the skin that he’s outgrown. She left the country too.

I know this other couple too, same scenario, same outcome. The wife achieved her MBA, and even before she got the certificate, she began to show her husband bad face. She started to attend fancy cocktail parties with her MBA friends and refused to take him. Pretty soon she filed for divorce, left him and the children, and also left the country.

She outgrew him, outsourced him and made him redundant. She now has a man who she thinks is more suitable for her new station in life. He too has an MBA, married but available.

Don’t think that it’s only women who do it, for men also outgrow their women, sometimes in the most cruel way. There was this woman who sacrificed much as her husband went to medical school. It was extremely difficult, but she was there for him through thick and thin.

Well, after he graduated from med school, you can only guess what happened. Yes, not even mouth to mouth or CPR did he give her as she almost went into cardiac arrest when he told her he was leaving. It was a bitter pill to swallow — outgrown and discarded.

Even age is a factor why someone outgrows another. Some men will outgrow a woman if he thinks that she has gotten too old for him. He now wants a younger, newer model, as he’s outgrown the old biddy that he’s involved with.

There are so many cases of older men who have discovered Viagra and felt that they have outgrown their wives due to their new erectile status. That’s hard.

People outgrow friends who they no longer have anything in common with. So is it wrong to feel as if you’ve outgrown other people? After all, people do grow to have different interests. “I got tired of hearing him talk about nothing but racehorse and football. My mind needs intellectual stimulation.”

The Bible speaks of being unequally yoked, where persons are not evenly matched in religious beliefs and other areas. But what if that inequality emerges after and not before the relationship begins? Would they not be then unequally yoked after the fact?

Now they can’t see eye to eye. She’s talking PhD stuff and he’s discussing dancehall gossip. He’s now a doctor and she’s still chatting hair and nails. Does that give one person the right to feel superior, to think that they’ve grown way past their partner and floating to higher heights?

The big fish has outgrown the small tank. Shouldn’t people stick it out, for better or worse, through sickness and health, or move on with the advent of new wealth? It’s a tough call, but it happens so often it’s now the norm.

So if ever your partner packs up and leaves, maybe it’s because you’ve been outgrown.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Social media is the sewer pit of society. That’s what I heard on a TV programme recently. And I tend to agree. People are so locked into social media that they hardly have time for reality anymore. Go to any function, observe people out at lunch, dinner, movies and see how almost everyone’s head is bowed to their smartphone screen, oblivious to what’s happening around them. This is their new god, to whom they constantly bow. What is so important on that phone that takes precedence over social interaction, church, funerals and conversation? People will attend dinner parties and sit glued to their phones. It’s a disease.