WITH what qualities have you dug the foundation of your marriage?

Whatever they are, stormy trials will test the mettle of your marriage. Few things, though, can beat loyal and loving commitment to each other. In fact, in these words may lie the entire secret of a lasting, happy marriage.

What God has yoked together

What God has yoked together let no one put apart is a phrase often heard at weddings. These words, for them to be true, require commitment on the part of both parties.

This is a serious decision that no one should put apart. “No one” could even include the couple in their vow of faithfulness to each other.

Though many view a commitment as burdensome, especially a lifelong one, never sacrifice commitment for convenience (which many use to exit a marriage). Work hard at this promise to stay together.

From ‘me’ to ‘we’ and ‘I’ to ‘us’

Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

The couple are no longer two, but one. They are joined together. It means one should feel the pain and joy of the other and work to fix anything that has been thrown out of whack. Each should try to align his or her thinking with the other, and replace the selfish terminologies of ‘me’ and ‘I’ with ‘we’ and ‘us’. Similarly, the ‘my money’ and ‘your money’ reality tend to spell trouble.

A husband should love his wife as he does himself. No one beats himself. In fact, we tend to excuse our own shortcomings. Can’t we try to excuse those of our partners?

Build with lasting materials

A well-built house can last a lifetime, so, too, the institution of marriage, if given the right materials.

Use materials that will stand the test of time. Kindness, loyalty, forgiveness, patience, love, and insight are golden. Be willing to train your heart and mind to seek out happiness for your marriage with lasting materials and not with material possessions.

When you do things together, you build as one. When last have you cooked together, been to the park together or played a game together?

More maintenance = less repair

For a building to stand the test of time, it needs a good maintenance programme. Supporting each other in your goals as well as a deliberate effort to show honour and respect in word and deed, fortify a maintenance programme and keep selfishness, anger and frustration under wraps.

Use love to cover minor traits. Don’t ever stop loving each other and don’t ever stop talking to each other.

Marriage is one institution in which silence is not golden, but rather causes the union to corrode.

Building a sturdy marriage is hard work, backed by determination. Make your foundation a rock-solid one. Maintain your marriage and watch it last a lifetime.

Warrick Lattibeaudiere, PhD, a minister of religion for the past 23 years, lectures full-time in the School of Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Technology, Jamaica, where he is also director of the Language, Teaching and Research Centre. E-mail him at wglatts@yahoo.com