I hold him for a fool

That will endanger

His body for a girl

That loves him not.

— Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Only a foolish man imposes himself upon a girl who does not love him back. What am I saying, she doesn’t even have to not love him, but just not have any desire or feelings for him at all. Unrequited love is one thing, and it hurts I’m told, for it was singer Teddy Prendergast who sang, “ It’s so good, lovin’ somebody, and somebody loves you back .” That must certainly override the feeling of not getting the love back.

But that unloved feeling must be a real bummer, a downer, a crushing of the spirit. Well, let’s not go so deep, but at least take it to the level of not being desired or wanted by the other person, but still, you insist on putting the moves on her.

“Come baby, don’t turn away, give me a kiss nuh.”

Now that’s where the danger lies, and that’s what the Americans have put into law and call sexual misconduct. As you may have noticed, I sort of put a different spin on the term, and divided it up into what I think it really is, at least some of the time.

It’s Sexual, involving a Miss, certainly is a Con sometimes, and the man gets what the Duck gets, even though he doesn’t get that from the woman. Sexual Miss Con Duck, that’s where we’re delving today, right after these responses to ‘Cannot let go’.

Hi Tony,

Reading the newspaper or watching the news on TV, we become aware of numerous domestic violence cases, including murder. I always wonder if the relationship isn’t working, why not just leave? But sometimes leaving is difficult as it takes two to tango, and one of the dancers does not want the music to stop. There is also the situation where both parties agree to split, but one of them wants to relieve the other of all their worldly possession resulting in mayhem and murder.

Michael

Hey Tony,

True, there are many situations where one person cannot let go of the other, but what you didn’t mention was when that person not only cannot let go, but carries the old relationship right into the new relationship. Even though she’s remarried, the ghost of the past marriage still haunts the new husband and he is bombarded every day with stories of what happened before and what she used to go through. Not only does she not let go, but she relives every day forever and cannot let go of the past.

Harold

For those of you who are in tune with USA news, you may be aware of the spot of bother that the governor of New York Andrew Cuomo is now experiencing. Now, Governor Cuomo is a man who I’ve always admired, especially for the way in which he handled the COVID crisis in his state. He’s also admired by many Americans and even won a Daytime Emmy award for his daily TV press briefings during the pandemic.

He was calm, lucid and forthright. But how quickly clouds can gather on a sunny day, bringing a pall of gloom to blot out the sun and take the sheen and lustre off a brilliant shine. A dark cloud now looms over Governor Cuomo’s head, as not one, not two, but six women have come forward to accuse him of sexual misconduct. They are all very young too, in their 20s, and Mr Cuomo is in his early 60s.

Now, America does not joke when it comes to sexual harassment or sexual misconduct, and many prominent and wealthy people have gone to prison, serving lengthy sentences for that crime. Great men brought down by the love of punany, the root of all evil.

So egregious are those crimes in the USA that in many cases the perpetrators get longer sentences than murderers do.

“You’re serving 30 years for sexual misconduct and I only got 10 years for murder?”

But do not be quick to judge, for every story is multi-faceted, having not just one, not two, but three sides. And even though those women cry foul, it’s oftentimes a fowl fight that cockroach has no business in.

Governor Cuomo has contritely publicly apologised, even though there are some people who aren’t buying it and want him removed from office. But I feel empathy for him, for after all, he’s a man, and you know what I always say, man is man, and whenever you have men and women in a space any number can play.

History has proven this, especially where you have men of power. Even the Bible is filled with these stories, except in those days there were no sexual misconduct laws. As far as I see it, the man’s main misconduct was his error in mathematical judgement in making advances on women who were so young. After all, it’s difficult for 63 to go into 25.

Also, they were on his staff, so possibly they may have felt intimidated, scared, fearful that their jobs could be in jeopardy. But let’s face it, office romances are as common as ever, and in fact possibly outnumber almost all other types of sexual interactions.

Many times bosses have romantic relationships with their female employees, and to tell the truth, many of these ladies are up to it too. The cliché of the boss/secretary romance is the story that legends are made of, often with some of them ending in marriage, so don’t always frown on them.

To take it even further, many of these bosses are already married, yet still have romantic relationships with their subordinates that endure for years, so don’t put it all on the bosses, for many of these young ladies are willing and able. In so many instances, the wife is not even known to the staff, as it’s the secretary who is omnipresent in the boss’s life.

When it gets tricky though, is in the natural order of selection, to borrow from Charles Darwin’s theory of the natural selection of species. To wit, how can the boss know who will be receptive to his advances for continuation of the species?

If he makes a verbal overture or a suggestive move on the lady and she’s receptive or at least amenable, he’s caught a live one, and his nights will be filled with untold sexual pleasure. But if, horror of horrors, she’s not receptive and goes as far as to find his advances repulsive, repugnant, revolting, ridiculous, then he’s in big trouble. But why don’t they just leave it at that, why try to discredit the man and bring him down for doing what men do naturally?

Are there ulterior motives, is money an equation for the refused honey? And that’s why I extracted the syllable con, from the phrase sexual misconduct, for if the woman liked the man and found him attractive, even desiring him, no way would she accuse him of misconduct. It’s just because she nuh want him why she cry foul.

It’s so tricky and risky when men make advances towards women, for the woman holds the advantage. Remember that a man chases a woman until she catches him. If the man makes a move and she likes him, her dreams have come true and she deh wid de boss with all the perks that go with that.

“At last, I was really hoping that he’d ask me out on a date.”

But if she doesn’t like him, it’s, “What a nerve, imagine that fat, ugly old man asking me out. I’m going to report him.”

It’s Sexual, it involves a Miss, it’s often a Con and the man gets ducked. Also, why do these women wait so many years to publicly accuse these men of sexual misconduct? See the con again? I guarantee that there are far more cases of women agreeing to have relationships with their bosses than there are who don’t.

Meanwhile, the minority wait several years before they make their move of accusing the men of impropriety. Hey, some of them may be justified, but why wait so long? And what constitutes sexual misconduct anyway? Truly, sometimes it’s merely a seemingly innocuous verbal flirtation that men are wont to do.

“Hey baby, how about a kiss?”

Politicians kiss people in public all the time.

“Hey, can I invite you out for drinks sometime?”

What’s the big deal, all he wants is some company, and if she isn’t up to it all she has to do is say no. Now, if it gets physical and he touches her, then that’s a serious problem.

My point is, women should be able to take care of themselves, and if a man makes a suggestive advance, a simple no should diffuse the situation. If he persists and pursues her, then that’s harassment and she has all the right to take action against him and cry sexual misconduct. If she has ulterior motives though, then it’s certainly Sexual Miss Con Duck.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Life can be so fleeting, unpredictable and capricious. About two Fridays ago I exchanged pleasantries with my neighbour as he stood by his car. Within two hours, he entered his house, sat on his couch and departed this life, sitting down as peaceful as can be. He was 46 years old, and hypertensive, his daughter told the cops when they arrived. It was so surreal to be just speaking with the man a few hours before, then entering his house to see him sitting down lifeless on his couch. It’s just another reminder of how precarious and uncertain life can be, that every moment is precious and not to be taken for granted. Cherish what’s important and don’t sweat the small stuff.