The choices we make

Dictate the lives we lead.

— Shakespeare

MANY people have the privilege of making choices, while others do not, but have to accept whatever cards they are dealt. Even so, many do manage to shuffle the deck in their favour and come out winning by means fair or foul.

As the old saying goes, if you’re given lemons, then you make lemonade. Others simply just accept their fate and live with what they were served. They, for all intents and purposes, just settle. But others are bold, and actually prefer to live the life that they chose. They are masters of their fate, captains of their industry, large and in charge.

This applies to some women who prefer to live a certain lifestyle and make it known to the world in general and to men in particular, what they prefer.

“Do you want bully beef?”

“No, I prefer steak or oxtail.”

“Do you want to live with me?”

“No thanks, I prefer my own company.”

Oh yes, there are some women who not only prefer to do certain things that may go against the norm, but actually enjoy living these preferences. Others may not actually live them, but still harbour these preferences while they settle with whatever they are dealt.

“Oh, how I wish that I could do better.”

We’ll find out the preferences of women, right after we see what these folks had to say about my spiel on ‘Women and money’.

Hi Tony,

I saw a video where young women were stopped on the streets of London and asked what would they choose — money or love. Ninety per cent of them said they would choose love. I suspect that if they were more mature, this romantic notion would fly out the window and the answer would realistically be money. It appears that money is not an issue with young London women, perhaps because they are pretty, with great young bodies and can attract any man who will spend easily on them, making them believe that the easy spending of these men is the natural order of things. Just wait until they get older and the beauty fades and see what happens.

Sam

Tony,

There is nobody as licky licky, grabby grabby and money-loving as many Jamaican women, except for some American women. At least the ones I’ve met. These young girls have nothing but lust for money in their eyes, and all they see when they target a man is how much money he has, where he lives, what car he drives, how much he will spend on her. Sugar daddy is his name. No wonder so many of these young girls end up with these much older men. It’s what he can do for her. As soon as she gets what she wants, she leaves, at times with deadly consequences.

Victor

“ Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets,

I always get what I aim for, and your heart and soul is what I came for,

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.”

Those are lyrics from an old song by Sarah Vaughn, music from my parents’ time, but still, those words are relevant to this day. There are so many other songs expressing the preferences, wants and needs of women that I can’t list them all here, for they are indeed numerous.

But what I will tell you is that they all deal with men and love, often a contradiction in terms, for men and love often do not go very well together. Let’s check out Smooth Operator by Sade.

“ Diamond life, lover boy

We move in space with minimum waste and maximum joy

No place for beginners or sensitive hearts

When sentiment is left to chance

No need to ask, he’s a smooth operator.”

Women are always carrying on about guys like the one described in that song, but what about the woman who prefers not to be involved with that type of guy, or any man at all, or if she does, it’s on her terms and not his, her preference?

I have encountered some of these women in my research, and usually it’s those who’ve been around the block and been burned a few times. A very good friend of mine asked one such woman if he could move in with her and her terse response was, “No way, but I will move in with you, so if things go bad I can always pack up and leave.”

Now, usually many women would love it if a man requested that he moves in with them, for it means having a full-time man in her life. These COVID times are lonely times for many women, and just recently a lady friend of mine was crying how lonely she was.

“I live alone, and with all these curfew hours and lockdowns, I’m very lonely. I can’t even go anywhere,” she lamented.

So a man who offers to move in would be a boon to her solitary existence. Many lonely women would leap for joy at that proposition.

But there are a few who exercise their preference even as they exorcise their demons of fear of being alone, so even when they hear lyrics like the following, they still hold on to their preferences.

“ I need a man with a slow hand

I want a lover with an easy touch

I want somebody who will spend some time,

Not come and go in a heated rush

I want somebody who will understand

When it comes to love

I want a slow hand.”

That’s from Slow Hand, by The Pointer Sisters, and so many women swear by those words…except those who prefer to write their own lyrics, chart their own territory, make their own preference.

I guess most women do prefer that sort of situation and that type of man, but those who haven’t got the wherewithal to live it will settle into a trapped routine, even as they harbour thoughts of secret preferences.

Many of those thoughts are sexual, naturally, and sadly many men are oblivious to them. Men will do things to women in their own way, thinking that it’s the law of nature, but many women would prefer something else. A lot of men think that all that a woman wants is the rough and tumble jackhammer sex that is depicted in porno movies.

“Man, I mash it up last night; she bawl for mercy.”

But women would actually prefer something else — a tender touch perhaps? Go back to the lyrics of Slow Hand and see what I mean. I remember back in my youth, in my wild oats days when I was free, single, and most engaging, a young lady agreed to have congress with me. I had my game plan, but even before any prelude, she presented her preference.

“First I want you to…then I love to be…and then I prefer it if you…”

Talk about a handbook, a book of rules, a guide, a blueprint. But the fact is, the lady knew what she preferred and laid down her ground rules. Some experiences in life you never forget.

Many women have no such luxury and just accept whatever strategy the man comes with, often feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied, afraid to express their preferences. I recently saw a video of a young lady expressing her preference, and whereas it’s not fit for airplay, I had to admire her chutzpah, her cojones, her bravado to express them.

She basically urged men to be gentle in their approach, take time, be tender, show some loving, don’t try and mash it up, don’t try and dun it. Sadly, many women cannot express their preferences in that way, for if they do it’ll be met with a verbal onslaught and possibly a barrage of epithets from their men, so instead, they keep it inside.

“Say what, you a tell me how fi do my wurk? What I muss do, yu turn man now?”

So most women simply shut up and secretly harbour preferences of what they would like or suffer the consequences.

But is it better to be alone, or to be with someone and suffer in silence? There are so many women who would prefer to leave but can’t for economic reasons or fear of being alone. You can see the worry etched on their faces, the wrinkles furrowed in their knitted brows as they exist, but do not live.

“I’d really prefer if I wasn’t here with him, but I have no choice.”

Yes, those words, ‘I have no choice’, have proven to be the ball and chain that tethers many women who’d prefer something better, but can’t get it.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Well, well, well. My better half and I got the first jab of the vaccine over the Easter weekend. We had actually registered online but weren’t sure if we should go as we weren’t in any of the designated categories. But when they phoned us, we were out of the house in a flash. The experience was most pleasurable, and the personnel at the National Arena — the police, army, doctors, nurses, security guards and other staff — were most professional and cordial. The entire process took a little over half-hour and you don’t even feel the needle at all. I’m a blood donor, and the needle used to draw blood is definitely felt, as opposed to the vaccine needle. The only sensation we had was a very slight soreness at the point of entry where the needle went in a few hours later, but that’s all.