Alessandra Madubunyi

Occupation: Founder| WE are COCO

Name of Baby: Gabriel Emeka Madubunyi

Date of Baby’s Birth: July 28, 2020

Place of Baby’s Birth: London, United Kingdom

Weight of Baby: 7 kg

Becoming a mother gave me new reverence for my own mother, grandmother, mother-in-law and my amazing sisters, for their tireless dedication and sacrifice.

A sacrifice I recognise now, in the daily challenge of serving my family, my husband, my son, my team and, lastly, myself.

My husband and my son are my world. Becoming a mother and a wife has been transformative, painful and the greatest accomplishment of my life. I am truly blessed to have a husband, who woke up with me for every single feed, changed diapers, kept the baby during the day so that I could rest, took me to the hospital for vaccines and check-ups, made me protein shakes and vitamin packs, took our son for walks to calm him when he was fussy. He is a hero.

I lost myself along the way, stripped down to my bare foundations by a broken body, sleepless nights and long days. It’s been a journey of self-discovery, trying on the many hats of being a mom, a businesswoman and a wife. And at first, nothing fit. Nothing felt right, and for months I was in mourning for the woman I once knew.

When you have a child, you are faced with this undeniable sense of responsibility to love, protect and mould this amazing little human. Knowing that your actions will affect the course of their lives. But that means facing yourself! Grappling with your past, your mistakes, your flaws and being willing to work daily towards a better you, so that you can be a better example to your child.

Every child is a gift from God and His divine way of showing us His unconditional love for us as His children. A love that you don’t even know you are capable of until you look into their eyes.

About a week after my son was born, I remember lying down on my bed beside his little wrinkled body. I just stared at him, daunted by the gravity of this moment. And as if to introduce myself, I said to him “Hi baby, I’m your mama.” I felt this shock of electricity go through my entire body and to my surprise he felt it too, and he smiled at me.

I knew then that we were bonded for eternity, and that there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him.

For all the mothers who gave birth during COVID, this one is for you…

Our pregnancy was filled with highs and lows. Nothing was as beautiful or peaceful as we would have wanted. Every moment we should have shared together, the scans the neonatal appoints were stolen from us by harsh health and safety protocols, forcing my husband to sit outside in waiting rooms, frustrated at not being able to share the journey of seeing his son or supporting his wife.

My husband and I faced the constant challenge of being separated from one another, by continents and health policies.

Filled with the fear of an unknown virus, I flew to London at six months pregnant, praying for God’s protection on a jam-packed plane. Thankfully, I arrived safely in London where I would wait out the remainder or my pregnancy and share precious moments with my own mother, who was stranded in the UK for my sister’s wedding.

With a month to delivery, and no option in sight for me to return to the United States, my husband made the difficult decision to leave his life and friends to be with me in the UK. He arrived two weeks before the birth of our son. The last two weeks we would ever enjoy of being just us before becoming a family.

Our son, Gabriel, decided to join us two weeks early. My labour started late on a Sunday evening and steadily climbed to a painful crescendo by Monday night. My husband and I were told by the hospital staff to wait at home, and although I had started exhibiting signs that the baby was in distress, I was told to stay at home due to COVID restrictions.

Thankfully, my husband’s instincts kicked in and we decided to go to St Mary’s hospital. I waited with my mother to be seen. The heart monitor started to indicate that the baby’s heart rate was dropping. At this stage, I would need to be induced. So, my mother decided to swop places with my husband, who was left outside to wrestle with hospital policies that stopped him from entering the ward.

Eventually my husband made it to the delivery room. In time for the doctors to tell us that our baby’s heart rate was dropping due to meconium (he had pooped in the womb), and we would need to perform an emergency C-section. Though we had hoped for a natural birth, we quickly consented.

On the operating table, other than the numbness and the faint smell of ammonium, all I can remember is the feeling of my husband’s hand in mine, and his voice leading me in the Our Father as we prayed together. The pressure of the baby being tugged from my womb until I finally heard his victorious cry into the world. Our boy, Gabriel Emeka Madubunyi, was born.

For us, COVID meant that we weren’t able to spend our first night together in the hospital as a family with our new baby. It meant that we could have lost our son if we had stayed home just a few hours longer; it meant lifting, feeding and caring for my son alone with a fresh C-section for three days in hospital.

Lessons on motherhood…

• Motherhood and marriage are a ministry. It is your first responsibility and the most important job.

• As primary caregivers it is unfortunate that being a mother is still a limitation on a woman’s ability to advance in her career. I’m more dedicated than ever to supporting women who work, by creating a work environment that allows women to put their families first. This is my mission and mantle within my business at WE are COCO, Consultancy.

• As a mother you face constant criticism and judgment from others. This is your journey, and it is your child. Gain confidence in your decisions and follow your instincts. Your gut is better than Google.

• Put yourself first! If your cup is not full, you cannot fill the cups of others. Service to yourself, is service to your family.

• Hold on for dear life, to all the things that make you you. When you lose your way, go back to your foundation, the things, people and places that make you happy. Time to yourself is non-negotiable.

• Your children are a reflection of you. Good and bad, they will echo who you are through time. So, build on the good and break down the bad, but be kind to yourself.

• Watch the words that you speak over your children. Your words have power and you have authority over their destiny. So always speak life over your children. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.