Parting is such sweet sorrow

That I shall say,

Goodnight til the morrow.

— Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

When lovers part ways to go to foreign climes, there is always a mixed bag of emotions, fears, doubts, anticipation and sorrow. The person who is leaving is looking forward to new adventures, even though the pain of leaving a loved one behind is pervasive.

As for that lover who’s left behind, the emotions and anguish are magnified, surpassed only by doubts, for he or she doesn’t know if the partner will lose feelings or, heaven forbid, find somebody else and never return. It’s foremost in the minds of many who are left behind.

‘ If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, then love the one you’re with.’ Remember that song? Those cursed words have haunted many men and women as they watched their lovers make their way down the tarmac to board the waiting aircraft.

‘ I’m leaving, on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again.’ Ah bwoy, that song Leaving On A Jet Plane, written by John Denver and made famous by Peter Paul and Mary has haunted countless couples who’ve experienced the pain of losing someone to a long distance relationship. It gives a different meaning to the term dearly departed.

“Why yu crying dear?”

“My boyfriend is dearly departed, he just left for foreign.”

Long distance love, can it work, do they work, or are they doomed to fritter away, dispersed like dandelion dust, melt away like an ice cube in the sun?

We’ll find out, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Penal partners’.

Hi Tony,

It would seem that women who abuse their loved ones could be considered to be their partners’ wardens as well. I fail to understand why the abused and jailed men who hold keys to their cells do not escape their prison? What hold do these women have over their penal partners? Surely it could not be love and affection.

Henry

Teerob,

It has been said that people get the government they deserve and the partner they deserve. Anyone who is confined to a penal partnership is exactly where they are supposed to be. We always have choices, and even though those choices aren’t always easy to make, sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it. A wolf will chew off its leg to escape from a trap. Why should you allow someone else to put you in a cage, imprison you, torment you? Break those chains and get out.

Angela

Long distance love has always proved to be a challenge to many couples, resulting in many relationships crumbling , dissolving, slipping away into obscurity. Distance and time do take their toll on even the strongest love, and after a while they prove to be too much for mere mortals to endure.

There’s an old Jamaican saying, ‘Love and sea water don’t mix.’ That chasm, that abyss, that great divide, that void, that enormous distance, filled only with the lapping waves of an infinite ocean will override any feelings of love that now exist.

Well, at times it does last for a while, and the lovers get a shot at true love, but only if there’s a definite end in sight, a finite time. If one party goes away to school for a prescribed time, say three years, there might be a chance.

But if the time is uncertain, open ended, infinite, like a big job overseas which may last for many years, the toll that it takes on the lovers may be insurmountable. And that’s in normal times, where one of them may be able to travel and visit now and then, even for a short time. But is COVID time now.

The danger lies in one lover starting a new life while being away, forging new friendships, meeting new people, being exposed to things that weren’t available here. As the old saying goes, ‘Get rich and switch.’

Or conversely, the one left behind got so lonely that he or she sought the company of someone else.

‘ If you’re down and confused

And you can’t remember who you’re talking to

Concentration slips away

Because your baby is so far away

Well there’s a rose in a fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey

Love the one you’re with.’

— Love The One You’re With, by Crosby Stiils and Nash, made popular by the Isley Brothers and Luther Vandross. Sage advice?

The parting scenes can be poignant, painful, pitiful, promising.

“Honey, don’t worry, I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.”

Famous last words that may hold for a while, but start to whittle away as time goes by, for being apart can be a real deal breaker when it comes to long distance lovers.

This is exacerbated by this darn virus that really impacts the flexibility of travel. This has affected many lovers, including two young ladies who told me of their misfortune of being apart from their loved ones.

One had planned a fairly large wedding last year, but the virus mash that up, as it did many others. So she had to reschedule and retool. The sad part though, is that the intended hubby is based in Europe in a country that has closed its borders, so they can’t see each other. In fact, they haven’t seen each other in almost a year and a half.

The emotional pain is excruciating, but at least in her case, there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, for the wedding is still planned, albeit on a smaller scale, and they’ll be reunited soon.

The other lady though, is not so fortunate, as her partner is also overseas in a country where the borders are also closed. He’s a permanent resident and has made a life for himself in that space. She is here, and also has her career and life established. Both are caught on the horns of a dilemma, for neither can move on a permanent basis. So they communicate by Zoom, WhatsApp and what have you. But after a year and a half of emotional e-love, the relationship is experiencing a crisis, there are cracks in the carapace, fractures, fissures in the flooring, chasms in the character of the relationship.

The distance is taking its toll and she actually told me, “Yes, we talk every day and night, but phone sex and sex toys can only do so much.” She was being frank and earnest, and hinted at meeting either Frank or Ernest or even Joe soon if the situation does not change.

Without my being sexist, but more of a realist, if she as a woman is saying that about her sexual needs, can you imagine what her man is saying after being overseas for so long, not seeing her for almost a year and a half? It’s been posited that woman have more control over their sexual urges and that men are more prone to temptation. Is not me say suh, is suh dem say.

Now, I’m not saying that he’s over there doing anything untoward, but man is man and he’s not in prison. It’s hard for a young man still in his prime to endure that sort of long distance celibate love. If even parson who pray, falling prey to pleasures of the flesh, what chance does an ordinary man have?

How long can he endure, how long can she stay alone in this long distance love? Is it fair, don’t they both fear that they won’t fare well during these long, cold, lonely nights apart from each other? Sure, all the poets and other scribes write that absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that, but the question is, fonder for whom?

Do an experiment, leave your best friend to ‘look after’ your lover while you’re away and see what happens after three or four years.

“Honey, I held out as long as I could, but one rainy night my body just gave in.”

‘Love knows no distance; it hath no continent, its eyes are for the stars;’

‘And one by one, the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us;’

‘When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far, no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.’

They all sound so romantic, platitudinous, pedantic, philosophical, pleasing, promising, but are they practical? Do they have a place in this fast-paced whirling world of modern but often ephemeral romance? Can the lovers sustain the test of time, and more importantly, can they survive long distance love?

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Many of us can breathe a sigh of relief that sports is returning to our social landscape. The staging of Champs was a milestone, and now the football Premier League has got the green light to resume, albeit with a truncated format. It doesn’t matter, ball a roll and many footballers and spectators are happy. It’s great to watch the Diamond League track and field events again. Sports is so important in our lives and many people are lost without it.

The vaccine roll-out in many countries is contributing to a return to normality. But still, there are detractors. The USA is slowly getting back to normal because of its vaccine programme. The figures confirm that. So much so that many states have dropped the mask mandate. I think it’s premature, but they’re confident that the vaccines make a difference.