The cuckold lives in bliss,

Who, certain of his fate,

Loves not his wronger,

But O, what damned minutes tells his o’er

Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects,

Yet strongly loves.

— Shakespeare

A cuckold is a man who’s being cheated on, getting bun as we say here, and as that quote says, he lives in bliss, certain of his fate. Yet, he has no idea what’s going on behind his back. And who is the person responsible for all this but none other than the other man Joe Grine — names that refer to the man who is doing things to another man’s wife that the husband should be doing.

And no, I don’t mean doing the dishes, feeding the dogs, taking out the garbage, or taking her shopping, but handling her in areas that the hubby can only dream of. He ploughs the field better and reaps to his heart’s content.

It was soca artiste Allyson Hinds who sang, “Yu tink yu could handle me, Yu tink yu could handle me?” Well, that’s what the other man actually does. Even so, I don’t think that he is really referred to as a Matey Man, as matey is more reserved for the other woman, the side chick. I sort of borrowed it, for they do fulfil the same function, satisfy the needs of one partner, and do so on the sly, behind closed doors, secretly, clandestinely, surreptitiously, in the dark.

And the same way that the wife is usually the last to know about the other woman, in most cases the husband is always the last to know about the other man; with good reason, for that can have deadly results.

So, we’ll see who the matey man is, right after some feedback to what I had to say about ‘Man alone’.

Hi Tony,

I was quite amused with your article on men wanting to be alone, especially when they are in their youth. I really hope that smart women will decline the nursing duties when the years have piled on and the various organs no longer function.Valerie

Hey Tony,

I will take a jab at the term ‘suitable helper’ as mentioned in the Bible. I guess the ideal situation for man alone would be having a day’s worker who comes to his home to cook and clean and provide intimate services, helpers with benefits. Of course, those workers would be well compensated. Maybe this is just a fantasy, but one is allowed to dream and fantasise.

Carl

One person who is always spoken about in a negative way — often vilified, cursed, despised, especially by women — is the other woman, the matey. Of course, she’s accepted by other men who often heap praises on the man who has such a woman.

“Bwoy, Oral have a criss matey pon de side.”

In fact, back in the day, a man who had a mistress, a concubine, was respected by his peers and even admired and glorified. But turn the tables, flip the script, and let a woman take unto herself a lover and see how the wrath of society comes crashing down on her head.

The public shame caused by her pubic game would be tumultuous: “Adulteress, trollop, slut, whore.” She would be classed as a fallen woman and would have to live with that shame forever. This fate is not meted out to the man who has another woman.

Who is the other man, though? In many cases he’s the friend of the husband who, because of constant association, gets to know the wife very well and likes what he sees. Many times friends have similar tastes and this applies to taste in women too.

The husband, of course, trusts her, and trusts his best friend too, and even lets him spend time with his wife.

“Don’t worry, honey, Joe will pick you up and bring you to the function.”

Joe, Joe, that name is just too familiar. Remember the song by Bobby Womack, I wish he didn’t trust me so much:

“ I’m the best friend he’s got

I’d give him the shirt off my back

He knows he can trust me with his life

But each time he leaves me alone

Leaves me alone with his wife

I wish he didn’t trust me so much”

Shakespeare echoed the same sentiments: “Page is an ass, a secure ass, he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous….God be praised for my jealousy.” That’s from The Merry Wives of Windsor, and those wives seemed to be quite merry, especially the wife of Page, who certainly opened another book and flipped through its pages.

Apart from the best friend though, there are guys who are serial other men, perpetual, perennial, professional pleasurers of the punany. They know how to move in on other men’s women and take up emotional and physical residence. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, a love triangle.

In math there are five types of triangles — isosceles, equilateral, obtuse, acute and scalene — which are all bound by the laws of mathematics. The love triangle, though, is fluid, flexible and unpredictable. The love triangle can have different permutations.

The popular notion is that the love triangle constitutes a man and two women, one who’s the secret lover. But the not so popular permutation is that of two men and one woman: the husband and the other man. But it goes even further, for there are also cases of two men and one woman, but the two men are together behind the woman’s back, or two women and one man, with the two women carrying on together. I told you that the love triangles can be complicated and defy the laws of basic geometry.

But let’s get back to the point of the wife and the other man. Many times it begins as a flirtatious fling, as the serial other man exploits the emotional fragility of the wife. He tells her things that she hasn’t heard from her husband in a very long time, then shows her the attention that women tend to crave. She falls right into his arms, then legs and other body parts follow suit.

They sneak around and make passionate love at every opportunity. But there is an inherent danger, for if the husband finds out, it’s death before dishonour, for men kill for less than that. Interestingly, the other man hardly suffers any physical harm, unless he’s actually caught in the act and the husband flies into an uncontrollable, jealous rage, but it’s usually the woman who feels the wrath of the cuckolded husband.

“Yu a keep man wid me, it nah guh suh.”

On the other hand though, there are other men who don’t want too much out of the affair except for sexual gratification. But other men have feelings too.

“I want to see you more often, I can’t keep on sneaking around like this, I love you, I want you, I need you, leave him and be with me.”

Emotions grow and run hot, even for the other man. But usually that’s for the best friend other man who I mentioned earlier. The serial other man may say those things too, but deep down he doesn’t want her to leave her husband. He does not want the responsibility of having a wife to tie him down.

Not at all, he’s quite comfortable in his role as the other man. As the saying goes, why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free? He has all of the pleasure but none of the pain or expense of a wife.

He sees her on his terms, has wild, steamy sex when she’s available, but has none of the responsibility of a relationship. Usually they are serial operators who ply their trade from woman to woman. You’ll never see them with a woman of their own, as they prefer to have the wife of another man.

“That man always involve with another man woman, him better be careful.”

In the same way that you have women who are perennial mistresses, there are men who are the same with other men’s wives.

It often comes with a price though, for there are inherent risks when you dabble in territory that is not yours. It’s like the sword of Damocles hanging over their heads.

Whereas a wife will forgive her husband for having a woman on the side, a man will never forgive his wife for having another man.

“Forgive her?… Mek she guh do it again and take me for fool?”

A wife will forgive her husband even if his matey has a child for him, but I don’t know of any man who will forgive his wife for having a baby for another man. That will never happen, you will never see that happen, it just does not happen.

The other man fills a need, but the love triangle is fleeting, short-lived, unsustainable.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Our beautiful ladies have achieved the fantastic feat of one, two, three in the Olympics 100 meters. Extraordinary. I will touch on the Olympics in the near future, but right now I have a few comments to make regarding the combat sports. I was very disappointed in the performance of our boxer who seemed not only unprepared but completely out of his depth. He seemed to have very little boxing skills which could have resulted in him being seriously injured. I have been in martial arts for decades and have fought all over the world so I know from experience that a fighter who is unprepared is a danger to himself. Our judo practitioner underperformed but I can forgive her for having jitters on the big stage, but at least she had skills; just not mentally prepared.