Love’s gentle spring doth always fresh remain,

Lust’s winter comes ere summer half be done,

Love surfeits not, lust like a glutton dies,

Love is all truth, lust full of forced lies.

— Shakespeare

There is behaviour and there is inappropriate behaviour, but it seems as if many people do not know the difference. Well, perhaps they do but just do not care. As we always say in Jamaica, “Poor thing, him nuh know nuh better.”

Now, I’m not judging, not hurling stones, not casting aspersions, not dropping word, but there is a big case going on in the USA right now that involves former Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York.

Mr Cuomo is a guy who I’ve always admired for his leadership style and communication skills and especially in the way how he handled the novel coronavirus pandemic in New York and brought it down dramatically. Even President Biden, when asked about Cuomo’s performance, stated publicly, “He did a hell of a job.” And he certainly did.

But men have feet of clay, men are merely human and suffer from the frailties that men succumb to. Plus, men in power seem to do things that mere mortals would not dare do. They say that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. That may very well be true.

Mr Cuomo has come under fire for his alleged inappropriate behaviour towards ladies on his staff, and after 10 years in power resigned after being pressured to do so. Even though his work was exemplary, his alleged inappropriate behaviour put him out of grace with not only New Yorkers, but other Americans as well. The majority wanted to see him go.

I feel it for his brother Chris Cuomo who has a show on CNN, as the embarrassment must be overwhelming. Also, his alleged impropriety has not only tarnished his legacy, but the family legacy, as his father, Mario Cuomo, built a political dynasty in New York and the USA and the family name is now under a dark cloud. There are some quarters that are even asking that a bridge named in honour of his father should have his name removed. All this because of alleged inappropriate behaviour. We’ll see why, right after these responses to ‘Love triangle’.

Hi Tony,

Some women who cheat with their husband’s or boyfriend’s best friends are not satisfied with just a love triangle. As a matter of fact, it’s not love at all. The woman’s lovers being men are into the relationship for the sex, and some women are addicted to the attention and thrill of the affair. So much so that they may take on multiple lovers, all friends of the husband/boyfriend, one at a time or several all at once. I’m not sure what type of relationship this would be called, certainly not a love triangle, perhaps a love square.

Susan

Hey Tony,

There are some people who are always involved with other people’s partners. It’s as if they cannot be in a relationship with a single man or woman but always seek out the married ones. I know this woman who jumps from one married man to the next, then she cries that she can’t find anybody to call her own. I have no sympathy for her.

Janice

Inappropriate, as defined by the dictionary, means: ‘Not suitable or proper in the circumstances.’ It also adds that there are penalties for inappropriate behaviour. But guess what, many people are inappropriate and get away with it, especially men of power who think that there is nothing wrong with what they do.

This happens a lot with men who are big in their respective fields, in their jobs, at the workplace, in church, coaches, leaders of industry, politics, and society in general — men of authority. Of course, there are women who act inappropriately too.

What really is inappropriate behaviour though, and should it be punished if proven to be true? Let’s take an office scenario where a boss verbally propositions a female member of staff, or as we say in Jamaica, put argument to her. Is that inappropriate?

What if he invites her out and she accepts it because she likes him, is his action then deemed inappropriate, or merely seen as a man exercising his natural instincts to pursue the female? Remember, a man will never get anywhere with a woman unless he makes his intentions clear. She can only accept or reject him, and as the old saying goes, ‘If you don’t ask you’ll never find out, she can only say no.’

That being said, it becomes inappropriate when the staffer is a snippet of a girl who’s the same age or younger than his daughter. Speaking of daughter, it is always inappropriate for a man to touch his daughter in any way other than hugging her. Sadly, there are men who go much further than that. It was Queen Ifrica who sang

“ Daddy don’t touch me there,

I’m gonna tell on you one day, I swear,

Can’t you see I’m scared,

You supposed to be my father.’

But it’s more in the workplace that I’m focusing on when it comes to men and women. It’s even more inappropriate if the man is married, but then again, many young girls have relationships with their very married bosses. It doesn’t matter, his behaviour is still inappropriate, the only difference is that she’s accommodating of his inappropriate behaviour. Still, there’s always a shadow of a doubt over these circumstances as it becomes a case of he said, she said.

Some men are naturally gregarious, fun-loving, touchy feely, kissy kissy, huggy huggy. This may be acceptable in some societies, but in others it’s a definite no no. Plus, some women do not like to be hugged or kissed when it’s not by their partner.

So a boss who goes around hugging, squeezing and stroking female members of his staff can definitely be accused of inappropriate behaviour.

“I just can’t stand it when he hugs and squeezes me so tightly that my breasts hurt.”

Speaking of breasts, one of Cuomo’s accusers stated that he shoved his hands down her blouse and felt her breasts, describing his hands as being huge. If that is true, then it was most inappropriate. Heck, I would not even do that to my wife just out of the blue, yet some men have the temerity, the effrontery, the unmitigated gall to shove their hands down a woman’s blouse front to cop a feel.

I must confess that back in my youthful days I had mastered the knack of using my two fingers to rapidly unclasp female’s brassieres from behind as I hugged them. This was done at lightning speed and in a public space with others present, all in good fun and we all had a hearty laugh. But that was then, it was just a sleight of hand parlour trick worthy of any amateur magician or dexterous pickpocket.

But that was a different time and we were all young, single, and carefree. I wouldn’t ever dare think about doing anything like that now, not here, not there and certainly not in foreign. So maybe, being inappropriate also has a time and place relative to it, for what was acceptable then, certainly isn’t now.

In these times you have to be careful how you hold a woman, hug her, kiss her on the cheek, or even what you say to her, as they all can be deemed inappropriate. No more whispering sweet nothings in her ear like what the romantics crooned. “What’s that you whisper inna mi ears say, that you want to do what?”

Can women be inappropriate too? You bet they can be, but they get away with it more than men do. A woman can hold a man, hug him, slap him on his ass, kiss him on his cheeks or lips and get away with it. I have been subjected to all of the above from women who I wasn’t even involved with.

In fact, most men would welcome such ‘inappropriate’ behaviour, especially if the woman is attractive. And even if she’s not, who’s he going to complain to?

“Mrs Smith grabbed my butt and kissed me.”

“So what, you should be so lucky and give thanks for that.”

Being inappropriate is not absolute but relative, for if your actions are accepted by the intended target, no one would even hear about it. But if he or she doesn’t like or want you, then even a hand on the shoulder, a kiss on the cheek, a long lingering handshake can all be deemed inappropriate.

But guess what, as long as there are men and women in any given space, it will never stop. Just pray that you aren’t accused of making a wrong move, an inappropriate one. It’s best not to make any move at all, but that can be difficult for many men, especially those with power and authority where ‘Inappropriate’ is their middle name.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Last week when I wrote about the Olympics, I mentioned how disciplined the Japanese people were. What I didn’t mention was how friendly and generous they are. The story of hurdler Hansle Parchment and the Japanese lady who selflessly assisted him is his time of need is typical of the Japanese people. I recall on one of our martial arts trips there, how a Japanese man left his store and took me to another establishment a good distance away to get a battery for my camera because he had none in stock. In another instance, a waiter left his post and chased after us, way past midnight, to return a key that was left on a table. That’s just the way they are. Domo arigatou.