KINGSTON, Jamaica — Fairly new to fatherhood, Akeem Aris says one of the greatest lessons he aims to teach his son Ayedin, now three years old, is simply to have confidence.

Speaking with OBSERVER ONLINE, the 26-year-old explained that, “I think the greatest lesson would just be to have confidence, not just confidence that you become vain but confidence that you are enough, that you are worth it and you’re worth the effort, you’re worth the time, you’re worth the attention.”

This, he said, is especially important to him because growing up, he struggled with self-confidence which caused him to miss out on a lot of opportunities.

“In essence, I don’t want him to doubt himself,” Aris clarified.

The customs officer said he first found out he was going to be a dad at age 22 — news which left him surprised.

“I wasn’t sure what to think or what to imagine, what it would be like and I never really saw myself being a dad that early. I always saw myself becoming a dad like in my 30’s or late 20’s. So, when I got the news, my mindset had to change immediately and I just had to accept it and take the responsibility and start making changes and making plans to become a dad,” he said.

Aris has been tackling the daily challenges that come with fatherhood ever since becoming a dad in September 2018.

“It’s been three years since I became a dad and the experience has been one that is totally dynamic: every day it changes, every month it changes. There’s no real book out there to say how to be a good dad or how to be a parent overall, you just have to learn by experience. People can tell you things, people can give you advice but it’s not until you’re in the moment that you realise ‘oh this is how it works’ or ‘this is how that works’ and then you kind of figure it out as you go along,” Aris shared.

“I do a lot of research though, so I’m always asking questions, always googling stuff. I think we’re in that age now where we’re more prepared than we were, as humans, so these generations of parents, they have no excuse really because we can prepare ourselves. So, even though it’s definitely hard, there are answers that are there so if you need to figure out like why the ‘baby crying in the middle of the night?’, you can literally type into Google and it will give you suggestions as to why and then you can figure that out,” he continued.

Life has changed dramatically for Aris since he became a father.

“There are certain stuff you can’t do when you’re a parent but not just a parent — there are certain stuff you can’t do when you’re a present parent.

“You can’t be taking risks outside of the home…you can’t be going out all the time, or gallivanting with your friends, or driving fast…I drive so different than when I was without a child, way more calculated. There’s a lot of people I don’t talk to anymore ever since I became a dad and there’s a lot of people I talk to because they’re parents as well and we have things in common,” he explained.

Aris said his new role as a father has also made him more responsible, realigning his focus on the future and how to build a life that offers more comfort for young Ayedin.

“I don’t make plans by myself anymore, I make plans about the family or with the family so I don’t just think of something that will benefit me, I’m always thinking of things that will benefit my child and my family on a whole.

“The person that I want to become is somebody that my child can look up to when he gets older and can say ‘oh, that’s my father’ or ‘that’s my dad, he’s a really good dad’, or ‘he’s a really good man’ and somebody that I want my child to become. So, the person that I am aiming to become is the person I want my child to become basically, or to emulate,” he added.

But Aris is not alone in parenting his son, because he has the unwavering support of his partner and Ayedin’s mother, Keisha Cameron.

And, noting that raising Ayedin is a team effort, he also credited his parents and siblings for their continued support.

“From day one, my support system has always been my mother and father. They’re not together but I’m still close with both of them and I have siblings as well that are there for me. I have all of them chip in sometimes to babysit. My mother is always trying to give advice and always wanting to be around. My dad always comes around as well, he visits very often so that’s something that I always wanted in my life, I always wanted to have grandparents around me but I never really had that so it’s very pleasant to know that my child has grandparents and it’s good to know that both of them are alive and he can grow up and see them,” he said.

He added that he and his partner try to grow their son with discipline.

“We try to ensure that he’s (well behaved) and understand that having good manners can take you very far and we ensure that he understands hard work and we give him rewards for his hard work. He must understand that life is not easy all the time and there will be frustrations…like there are going to be disappointments so when he gets disappointed, we kind of reassure him.”

Stressing, yet again, the importance of young Ayedin loving himself and others, Aris said: “A next thing that we ensure is that he has self-confidence so we always tell him that he’s amazing and he’s handsome.”

“I want him to live a full life, a long full life with happiness and positivity, keep as far away from negative things in the world. I want him to do things that he loves whether it’s academics or athletics, I just want him to do something that he wants to do. I don’t want to push him to do anything that I want him to do. I want him to have free will and I want him to be motivated. I want him to always remember his family and put his loved ones first, I don’t want him to be selfish. I just want him to grow with morals and to just be a good person and have kids for himself and carry on the legacy that I’m trying to teach him,” the young father said while sharing his ultimate goals for his son.

November is Parents Month, which is being observed this year under the theme, “Positive Parenting Impacting Generations”.