O mischief, thou art swift,

To enter in the heart

Of desperate men.

— Shakespeare

Maybe that quote should have said desperate women instead of desperate men based on the statistics that I’ve seen about people who get drawn into the convoluted, confusing, confounding world of Internet involvement. I recently saw a local documentary about the perils and pitfalls of online dating and the desperate women who got entangled in the quagmire that defied logic and basic common sense.

It’s far more widespread than you would believe as women from all walks of society put their trust in men who they do not know and, by extension, their very lives. Is it because of loneliness, the need to connect with someone else, the desire to be loved why people will hook up with a complete stranger, all because he presents a good profile of himself on the Internet?

And yet this happens millions of times every day worldwide and also right here in Jamaica. I’m sure that you must be aware of the various dating sites that exist in the USA, but we have our very own that professes to provide love and romance for those seeking just that.

If I recall, even a noted Gleaner columnist shared her experience of going on one of those sites a few years ago. Is it desperation born out of lack of love or simply the modern way of meeting people? Actually, it’s not a new phenomenon, for it was Shakespeare who penned, “This is the very ecstasy of love, whose violent property fordoes itself, and leads the will to desperate undertakings, as oft as any passion under heaven, that does afflict our nature.”

See, the pursuit of love can lead to desperate undertakings, even from yesteryear, and the Internet only makes it more accessible, feeding this desperation at the click of a mouse. We’ll see why and how right after these responses to my take on ‘Never do this to please a woman’.

Hi Tony,

The things that you have listed that a man should not do to please a woman are precisely what many men will do. They can’t help themselves. Attractive women are men’s kryptonite, they become weak and helpless in the presence of sexy women. Their brains turn to mush, and women’s wishes are their command. Bad-minded women will take advantage of those men and milk them for everything they can get. And when these men are broke, mentally, physically and financially, they are kicked to the curb.

Carmen

Hello Tony,

Belated happy birthday wishes to you. I also congratulate you on celebrating 51 years of broadcasting and martial arts and over 27 years of writing for the Jamaica Observer. Your column is a must read for each Sunday. I wish for you many years of providing humorous writing for those of us who wish to read about life.

Seymour Panton

It’s always so heart-warming to know that people actually enjoy what I write about and take the time to respond to my diatribe. What’s also heart-warming is to be loved by someone. Unfortunately that does not always come easy, for not only is the path to true love rocky, but finding that path can prove to be most elusive.

Back in the day people would meet at social gatherings, church, on the job or even at school, where friendships blossom into romance. There they created and maintained a contact through letters, giving rise to the term love letters.

That could prove to be most difficult, and maybe that’s why some cultures cut to the chase and just have arranged marriages for their children.

When was the last time that you wrote a love letter, or received one? The last thing that a man wanted to receive was a Dear John letter from his intended, for it meant that the relationship has been terminated and he has been made redundant.

‘ Dear John, oh how I hate to write

I must let you know tonight

That my love for you has gone

There’s no reason to go on,

For tonight I wed another, Dear John.’

That song was written by Pat Boone about a soldier who was overseas and his fiancée found another man. No man wants to receive a Dear John letter. But, in this modern era where everything is electronic, men harbour no such fear for at the click of the mouse a WhatsApp message or text a new relationship can be initiated from women who are seeking love.

The documentary highlighted this phenomenon, and it was a real eye -opener, if not mind-boggling. In the beginning of the feature, the producers created a fake man, a guy who most women would find appealing. This fake man, complete with photograph, would link up with these women and make his pitch, exchanging pleasantries, leading up to an encounter, a meeting of mind and bodies.

Here’s the scary part though, nine out of 10 women who met this man online agreed to meet him in person at a place of his choosing. Not only that, they also agreed to be picked up by someone that the man sent for them. Follow me now, the woman meets a complete stranger on the Internet, agrees to link up with him in person, and when he says that he’s tied up in a meeting and would send a car to pick her up, she gladly, willingly, naively, agrees to get into that vehicle with a complete stranger and drive off into the unknown.

When the producers of the documentary revealed the charade to the ladies, most of them said that they saw nothing wrong with their actions. One had even agreed to spend a few nights with the man in his house and actually arrived on the scene with her bags packed.

The experts indicate that this could very well be a viable source of victims in the sex trafficking trade. The sociologists also indicated that almost half of what people portray about themselves on the Internet is nothing but lies, embellishments, half-truths, and guile. Women, and men too, will post photographs that are not them and will fabricate profiles that are false.

One anthropologist outlined that, when she interviewed handcart men downtown and asked them what their profession was, they all said self-employed businessman. So, when a lady logs on to a site and sees self-employed businessman, she had better be careful.

Sadly, most are not, as the desperation blocks out their vision and common sense. Even after the producers explained that the guy was a made-up person, a fake, a figment that didn’t exist, some of the women still insisted on meeting him.

I remember this lady who was convinced that the man courting her over the Internet was a four-star general in the US armed forces. Nothing I could say to her would convince her otherwise as the prince on the white steed of yesterday has been replaced by the general on the Internet today.

Men fall for the ruse too. Women will put up fake profiles, meet the man, then ‘nyam’ him out, bilk him of his money, and leave him holding an empty bag. Some of these women target old male pensioners for an old fool and his money are easily parted. Nothing is as attractive to a woman as an old pensioner who has just received his lump sum pension.

Why are people so desperate for love that they will put good judgement on the back-burner and risk getting burnt by strangers on the Internet? I guess it’s the same way that people will put all their money in Ponzi schemes or give parson all of their life savings and insurance policies.

One subject said that it was her way of meeting new people, and she actually surfs these dating sites on a regular basis. This has been exacerbated by the over year and a half of lockdown restrictions caused by the pandemic.

“After almost two years of isolation, I just have to meet someone new.”

Others seek companionship, friendship, love, a serious relationship, even marriage, and put their faith and trust in what they hope to find on the Internet. But, as someone said, “The Internet is like the modern-day devil who comes with his sweet words and spins his lies.”

But another wise person said, “Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.” I guess that’s easier said than done, for loneliness must be a terrible experience.

To take it even further, it has been said, “Never allow yourself to be so desperate that you end up settling for far less than what you deserve.”

People yearn for companionship, have a great need to be involved in a relationship, long for love, but the fly in the ointment, the wrench in the spokes is desperation, heightened even more when it’s carried out on the Internet.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Touching on some high school issues, I’m so happy that the football season has begun and the youngsters can showcase their talent. But justice must not only be done, it must appear to be done. It’s noted that all the Manning Cup matches are to be played at three venues due to COVID-19 protocols — Stadium East, Jamaica College (JC), and Prison Oval. But much to my dismay, I learnt that Jamaica College have the privilege of playing four of their six first-round matches at JC, their home ground. Is that fair? Regarding the compulsory sixth-form issue, I really loved sixth form, it was special and required good exam passes to get in. But how can you now ask students who can’t even pass two Caribbean Examinations Council (CXC) exams to attend sixth form?