Shall I never see a bachelor

Of threescore again?

Shakespeare

A maiden hath no tongue

But thought.

— Shakespeare

A bachelor who is 60 years old is indeed a rarity, as the quote above said, and a maiden, a single woman, a spinster, hath no tongue, but can only think of marriage. Let’s face it, there is a big difference between a bachelor and a spinster. True, they both have one thing in common, and that’s the single life, but whereas the bachelor has no wife, the spinster only has strife.

Is that really true though? Who says that the life of a bachelor is all peaches and cream, a bed of roses, let the good times roll, while the spinster has nothing but hope and unfulfilled dreams to occupy her empty life? All she has are thoughts.

If you follow what most bachelors say, they’ll boast about what a good time they’re having, which is often far from the truth. If they were having such a great time, then why do they get married eventually?

At least the spinster will admit to a life of abject loneliness, emptiness and lack of emotional fulfillment as she wishes and hopes for an end to her despair. I have never heard a bachelor say, “I long to be married.” But that is the clarion call of spinsters.

Let’s examine both aspects, perspectives and sides of the single life coin, right after these timely responses to my take on ‘Timing is everything’.

Hi Tony,

There is no time like now to procrastinate, there is a time and place for everything, and time waits for no man. There is a time to speak and a time to shut the hell up. Being ahead of your time always means that you had bad timing. Time flies when you’re having fun. Longevity is good timing, death is bad timing. More time.

Alfred

Dear Mr Robinson,

I read your article and I was very upset. It is views such as yours that encourage men to defile and demean women. You wrote, “A man should not just get involved with one woman from his youth, and plan to spend the rest of his life with her. It’s like driving only one car forever and is a bad use of time.” You then go on to advocate that a man should play the field with many women so as to be exposed to a variety of personalities and to learn how to cope with a breakup. I found those views distasteful.

L G Williams (Mrs)

I must say, that is merely the first paragraph of the letter that lady sent to me, as the cussing continued , inclusive of Bible verse, that would take up this entire page. What great influence I must have to encourage men to defile and demean women throughout the centuries. Ah bwoy, I am a man much maligned and misunderstood, but I welcome the feedback.

The bachelor life seems most appealing at the outset. After all, the man can come and go as he pleases, spend as much time as he wants, wherever and whenever he so desires, and answers to no one.

Remember the Beatles song, ‘He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans, for nobody.’ Ah, the sweet life of the bachelor, he is the toast of the town, admired by many, envied by married men, sought after by women.

The bachelor can pick, choose and refuse from the bevy of beautiful women who are at his beck and call, and none of them will ever give him any backchat. It all seems so idyllic, so perfect, straight out of a James Bond movie where Bond just tours the world and plays the female field. Shaken, not stirred, Bond has a licence to thrill.

I guess if you’re young, good looking and a man of means, then the bachelor life must seem to be a good prospect. But that is not always the case, as many bachelors, single men, are just embracing the fantasy of the playboy, but actually live a life of aloneness and loneliness.

There is a difference. Aloneness is really a choice to be alone, and many bachelors don’t seem to mind it.

“I choose to be alone, I can’t take people around me all the time.”

Loneliness though, is different, and is not of choice. It can be an extremely painful experience that can drive some people to despair and mental anguish, at times suicidal. Loneliness is not to be trifled with, not to be taken lightly. It is foisted upon you like a dark cloud that descends and envelopes the soul of the afflicted. I have known women who get involved with men just to avoid being lonely.

“I just can’t survive being alone, I will take anybody.”

“Oh, I wish I had somebody in my life, anybody, to keep me company.”

So the bachelor seeks a companion, but he is conflicted, for he wants company, yes, but only on his terms, nothing permanent. He literally wants to eat his cake and have it too without having to wash the dishes afterwards.

He therefore seeks a companion for his emotional and physical gratification, but after he’s satisfied, he wants her out of his space. Him not looking nuh wife. If he wanted a wife, he’d get married, and that’s why he’s a bachelor.

And that’s why bachelors who can afford it have women here, there, everywhere, with no strings attached as they build up a reputation of being a lady’s man, a Lothario, a man about town, a gyalis.

Ironically, despite this appearance of a hedonistic lifestyle, many bachelors experience emptiness and loneliness after a while, for the short-term Airbnb frequent flier miles sequence of relationships is often not satisfying or sustainable and becomes meaningless.

Remember what I said, being a bachelor is for the young and well-off man, for one day the party will be over, and there will be no bevy of beauties to come and share his life, recognise his illness, dispense his medication. It was Francis Bacon who said, “Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men’s nurses.”

Maybe that’s why there are no old bachelors, they all get married eventually. As the quote above said, ‘Shall I never see a bachelor of three score again?’

The spinsters though, now that’s another story. Even the word spinster has a negative connotation, a sad image, tinged with pity and is not someone who is admired. Spinster: ‘An unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage.’

“Poor thing, she’s a spinster, and will be forever.”

It’s like a curse, a yoke that bears down on a woman’s shoulders that marks her for eternity. “It is possible for a spinster to be disappointed in lovers, but only the married are ever disappointed in love.” — Myrtle Reed.

“There is no detective in England, equal to a spinster lady of uncertain age with plenty of time on her hands.” — Agatha Christie.

“It’s a woman’s business to get married as soon as possible, and a man to keep unmarried as long as he can.” — George Bernard Shaw.

“Men don’t get married because they want to get married, but because women want to get married.” — Eric Remarque.

“Without a doubt, the worst part of being a single woman was having to take care of your own car.” — Lisa Kleypas.

There are so many quotes about spinsters, with much of them not being positive. In fact, a spinster doesn’t have much time to play with, and is, in reality, in a race against time. Just like an airplane that’s about to take off, there is a point of no return. When a spinster reaches a certain age, that’s it, no take off for her, no lift off, and she’s grounded for life.

And yet it’s different for the bachelor who has no statute of limitations. “He’s one of the most eligible bachelors around.” Are there no eligible spinsters?

Compare those spinster quotes with these quotes about bachelors.

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.” — H Mencken.

“Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.” — Helen Rowland.

“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” — Phyllis Diller.

“A bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.” — Helen Rowland.

“Every man is a bachelor out of his wife’s sight.” — Margaret Way.

So bachelor life or spinster strife, puss and dog don’t have the same luck and every dog have him day and every puss have him four o’clock.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: There is a level of anger that permeates our society. This is reflected in the way people drive on the roads, how they interact with each other, and even how workers relate to and serve customers at establishments. It’s as if the client has to beg for attention and proper service, as the curt response is often less than pleasant. Where is this coming from, why is everyone so angry? All it takes is a wrongly placed word, an innocuous approach, a simple question, a so-called bad driving move to bring out unfathomable wrath in people. Look how road rage caused two licensed firearm holders to shoot it out in busy Sam Sharp Square in Montego Bay in broad daylight. Why are we so angry?