And looking on with lacklustre eye,

Says very wisely, ‘It is ten o’clock,

Thus we may see,’ quoth he,

How the world wags.

— Shakespeare

LOOKING on with lacklustre eye. Oh my, the lustre has gone, diminished, flickered and died, as the light is extinguished. That dying glow symbolises the demise of desire, passion, lust, and ultimately love, as the feeling waxes and wanes, and not even candle wax can restore the light.

To lose the shine is really a term derived from the game of cricket in which the new ball is hard and has a beautiful shine on the surface. It’s a joy to feel it in your palm, and every pace bowler feels privileged, honoured, to be given that new ball to bowl. He takes his long run-up and bowls that projectile at almost 100 miles per hour down the pitch to the batsman.

Any lover of cricket, any aficionado of the game, would have enjoyed the sight of pace bowlers like Michael Holding, Malcolm Marshall or Courtney Walsh as they bowled that shiny red orb down the pitch with accurate line and length — inswinging, outswinging, yorkers and, of course, the lethal bouncers that had batsmen dancing and ducking in terror to escape the wrath.

Of course, all that could only be achieved when the ball is brand new and has the shine, for after being bowled for many overs, being bounced on the hard pitch and being struck with great force by the batsmen, it eventually suffers from wear and tear. It loses the shine and is no longer the formidable, fearsome force that it used to be.

It’s now reduced to an ordinary sphere — dull, listless, lousy, and no longer feared. Di shine rub offa di ball. This also happens in relationships, on which we’ll shine the light right after these illuminating letters about what I had to say about ‘Tief is tief’.

Hi Tony,

You are right when you say that a tief is a tief. Some steal because it is ingrained in their nature. There is the kleptomaniac who can’t resist stealing, no matter what. Some steal because they are desperate, while others steal because they are basically greedy. There are a few who steal because it is a challenge, such as diamond and art thieves. Just as there are different types of thieves, I would guess that there are also different degrees or levels of thievery.

Reginald

Teerob,

Thieves have become so slick and sophisticated that many times they are so skilful that their deeds go undetected. They are also barefaced and bold as they steal from their workplace and still remain on the job, laughing and chatting with their co-workers. They have taken stealing to a new level and yet, they get away with it with a laughable sentence. Not so the pickpocket though, who is arrested immediately and gets thrown in prison. The lesson is, if you must tief, tief big.

PUR Loin

I painted the picture and gave the analogy of the shiny new cricket ball losing the shine and becoming dull and boring, easily played by batsmen who no longer fear its wrath. The respect is gone. The same applies to relationships.

At first, everything is new, hard, glossy, gleaming and shiny. The man has a sparkle in his eye and a spring in his step, for every time he sees the woman “him skin ketch a fire”. In much the same way a pace bowler feels as he holds that new ball for the first time, few things can compare to when a man sees a woman naked for the first time.

At that point he would do anything for her. That first impression is locked in his mind. But the second, then the third, the fourth, fifth, hundredth and so on, all bring diminishing returns. They’re never as exhilarating as the first.

There’s an old Oriental saying that goes, “Even the softest skin feels like leather after being touched many times.”

That’s why some men continue to move from skin to skin in order to recapture and rekindle that first feeling. That’s also why some men move from woman to woman to see them all naked for the first time.

In essence they want to play with a new ball forever, even though the game is old, not relishing the prospect of handling a ball that is tattered and has lost its shine.

Apart from the physical though, there are other aspects of the relationship where the lustre has diminished and that sparkle has dimmed, leaving dull embers that barley emit a feeble glow. It can be a slow burn, but there are signs.

When the shine is on the ball the man will do almost anything for the woman. He will go cockahoop, leap through fire for her, and when she says jump he’ll gladly ask how high.

But as her soft skin becomes like leather to his touch, as her eyes no longer sparkle, he doesn’t find her quirks cute anymore but downright annoying, neither does he find her jokes funny. He starts to treat her differently.

“How Errol start treat his woman so shabby?”

“That’s because the relationship lose the shine.”

It’s not only a cricket ball that loses the shine with wear and tear.

Some men will stay and endure the game as they try to play with the old ball; even though they can’t bowl pace anymore they’ll certainly try to bowl a slow spin. This may prove tedious and boring to them though.

“Is the new ball I love, enuh; pace like fire.”

That’s why others will go elsewhere, where the ball is new and the shine is still glistening. The new ball, the other woman, the mistress, is always the one with the perpetual shine, and that’s because she has long rest periods between overs. She doesn’t get the emotional battering and pounding that the wife gets.

The long-standing woman or long-suffering wife has become so battered and bruised that there is no more shine left on her, and subsequently none left in the relationship either.

Don’t be fooled though, for men also lose their shine and the woman also has to play with his dull, listless, lethargic balls. Women then say that the relationship has lost its shine.

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips

And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips.

You’re trying hard not to show it

But baby I know it

You’ve lost that loving feeling

You’ve lost that loving feeling

And it’s gone, gone, gone.

— The Righteous Brothers

Research suggests that when couples say they no longer feel a spark it only means that they’re missing the initial feeling of infatuation, or that the long-term relationship has become challenging.

Meeting your partner and falling in love may have, at first, been exciting, new and intense. You might have felt that it was the only factor in your life. But it’s rather unrealistic to believe that the shine will always remain on the ball forever. If it did the game would be one-dimensional, with only pace like fire being the order of the day. When that shine wanes it’s now time to be inventive, innovative. It all comes with maturity, and couples can manage to maintain a bit of shine over the course of the game, even though the ball has been handled a lot.

You’ve got to learn how to bowl spin, and not just pace.

“Slow down, you move too fast, you got to make the moment last,” are words from the song Feelin’ Groovy.

If more men treated their wives like girlfriends, the shine would last longer. If more wives maintained the same sparkle and zeal that they felt at the beginning of the relationship, the shine would last longer. Too many wives simply let go and can’t bother to look attractive anymore.

I know that many people will say that I’m being unrealistic and idealistic, and that when the shine has gone that’s the end of the game. That’s far from the truth. Want to hear a secret? Treat your wife like she’s your girlfriend: still have date nights, still have movie nights, and I can safely say that the shine will still be on the ball.

It might not work for everyone for puss and dog don’t have the same luck, but if people try to maintain a youthful outlook on life and don’t call down age upon themselves then that sparkle and shine will last a little longer. It’s the little things that maintain the lustre on the ball — a compliment, a word of appreciation, gratitude for being there for you — and yes, a healthy libido and desire won’t hurt either.

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the Sun. Arise fair Sun and kill the envious Moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.

— Romeo and Juliet.

Don’t lose that light, don’t lose the shine.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: I couldn’t let this new traffic child seat law pass without commenting, even though much has been already said. What a joke. All taxis and buses were to have child seats? Parents were supposed to walk with their own child car seats, plus the child, in addition to whatever groceries or bags in hand? Imagine a mother with three children? All children, 12 years old and under, should be in car seats. I was in second form in high school at age 12. The entire scenario has been the butt of online jokes. No wonder Shakespeare said, “The law is an ass.” Thankfully, it’s being reviewed.