MAY PEN, Clarendon – “It feels like there is a hole in my heart,” is how 53-year-old Barrington Gayle describes his life growing up without his mother, Olga Campbell, in this south-central parish.

According to Gayle, he was raised by his paternal grandmother and an aunt after his mother brought him from Brooklyn, New York, where he was born, to Clarendon in 1969. He was three months old at the time and his mother was 31.

Gayle went on to tell the Jamaica Observer that his mother, who was married to his father Herbert Gayle, has never attempted to contact their family since that day.

“I was given to my grandmother (my father’s mother) and my aunt at the age of three months old. I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and my mother gave me to them, so from that time I haven’t seen or heard from her. She had me there and then she took me to Jamaica and had no contact from there,” he recounted.

He further pointed out that while his parents were married before his birth, he has very little information regarding his mother and her side of his family.

“My mother, I heard, is from St Mary, between Highgate and the neighbouring communities. I don’t know which one of the communities in St Mary because I don’t know anybody on my mother’s side. I got to understand that I’m the seventh child,” Gayle told the Sunday Observer.

He added, “I heard that my eldest sister’s name is Millicent Rowe. She is supposed to be married because she is the eldest one, but I don’t know her married name. I only heard her name from one of my cousins who came into contact with her when my mother brought me to my grandmother.”

While reminiscing on his younger days, Gayle shared that his father ensured he lived a happy life. His grandmother and aunt, too, played a tremendous role in his upbringing, said Gayle.

However, he maintained that there has always been a missing piece to the puzzle of his life with the absence of his mother. He also missed out on building what could have been strong bonds and relationships with his six siblings and other relatives.

“When I talked to my dad, before my dad died, all he said to me was, ‘Don’t worry yourself. I will take care of you. I got you in control.’ And he was a very caring father, so he did just that. Before he died he would always give his best support, plus my grandmother and my aunt were my strong towers when they were alive, but there was also something missing,” he told the Sunday Observer.

“There is a hole in my heart, and that hole never full out. I just need to see someone from my mother’s side because everybody I know is from my father’s side. I cannot say anything about my mother’s side, and from going to school it has caused a hole [to develop] inside of my heart,” Gayle said.

Though 53 years have passed Gayle is still optimistic about meeting his maternal family and is hoping to make up for all the lost years.

“I’m not looking for anything from them; I just want to know them, and my children want to know them as well,” he said.

But he also has a few questions, as his mother’s decision to leave him in Clarendon has unwittingly affected his standard of living over the years as Gayle was never able to receive a Jamaican birth certificate. He also found out that his registered name is Barrington Campbell, as his mother gave him her maiden name.

“I just want to know why. She messed up my life right now because in America she registered me in her name, and in Jamaica I am Barrington Gayle. Right now I need my papers sorted out because I don’t have a Jamaican birth certificate now and it is causing a problem,” Gayle told the Sunday Observer.

And that is not his only trouble as Gayle stated that he is currently without an American birth certificate.

“When I wrote back to the birth certificate place in Brooklyn, New York, they said that I have to know where my mom is to get a signature, and I don’t know where she is so I can get back my birth certificate. I don’t know if she’s in Jamaica or if she is still in America. I don’t know anything,” he said.

“On the birth certificate I had before it got destroyed it said that she was 31 years old at the time of my birth. That is all I got,” Gayle added.