We suffer a lot

The few things we lack

And we enjoy too little

The many things we have.

— Shakespeare

IT’S been said that man was made to suffer, meaning mankind and not necessarily men only, although some men would agree to that, plus there are verses in the Bible that make references to the state of suffering. “But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear the threats, do not be frightened.” — 1 Peter 3:14.

“It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees.” — Psalms 110:71.

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance.” — Romans 5:3.

Man or mankind, there are some people who often mire themselves in self-imposed suffering while others have it thrust on them.

“Poor me, mi just born to suffer. Is what me do so?”

In many cases this suffering stems from being in a relationship with a partner, with many people saying that it’s the most terrible form of suffering known to mankind. Someone once said, “People get the Government and the partner they deserve,” but that’s debatable.

After all, choosing a partner was all your doing, for you chose that person only to end up suffering for the rest of your life, even as you got no rest in your adult life.

But sometimes it’s not that simple for the devil comes in different disguises, even as a holy man, it’s been said. So as a result you saw your partner as an angel, only to have them turn out to be a demon who imposes untold suffering on you.

Interestingly, it’s mostly women who tend to be long-suffering in relationships, or so it would seem, as they are the ones who have the complaints and the horror stories to accompany them.

“Living with that man is sheer hell I tell you, pure hell.”

“So why don’t you leave him?”

“Because I love him.”

Long-suffering women, that’s what you’re gong to have to suffer through today, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Women’s strange choices’.

Hi Tony,

There are men who live with danger as a way of life, men who walk the tightrope without nets, race car drivers, people who jump out of planes with parachutes, mercenaries, etc. Some of these men do it for the rush of adrenaline, the high. That’s the same reason women choose a bad boy, a dangerous man. These women are addicted to the danger, the rush, the high, and even welcome beatings and rough sex. Yes sir, strange choices.

George

Anthony,

It’s common knowledge that women make strange choices, but it’s not strange to those women. Women are attracted to power, and wherever that power dwells is where they will gravitate to. It may be from a rogue, a robber, a don man, a policeman, soldier, politician, even a murderer, as long as he exudes power she’s turned on and will be attracted to him.

Althea

Women seem to be long-suffering when it comes to dealing with men and relationships. I’m sure that some men are long-suffering too, but somehow it doesn’t appear to be as pervasive as with women. Maybe men tend to suffer in silence and not share their woes with other men, not speak about it, so it doesn’t appear to be as overwhelming as the plight of women.

Men tend to suck it up, deal with it, move on more quickly, make a dash for the hills, rather than stay and suffer for years.

“Man, after the first signs of suffering I was outta there faster than a bat out of hell.”

The women though, for some reason, refuse to move on, refuse to escape from the hell where they dwell, and accept their lot, even as they make excuses why they cannot leave.

“If I leave, where would I go? Where would I live?”

“It’s not so bad, at least he doesn’t beat me.”

“Maybe if he beat me I would feel better for his mental abuse is pure hell.”

Is it that women have a stronger capacity to deal with suffering, a higher tolerance level for pain, or do they simply accept suffering as their lot in life, their fate, their destiny?

“Woman born fi suffa, so my granny told me.”

Some women tend to mask it well so that people looking on wouldn’t have a clue to their plight, as she’s always vibrant, full of life, has a positive outlook, and even gives advice to other women regarding relationships.

“Don’t take any crap from him, stand up for your rights.”

Do as I say and not as I do, eh?

But there are others who wear their suffering on their faces, or their sleeves and shoulders, for all the world to see as they bear the weight of their burden on their backs. It often ages them.

“Is how she look old so fast?”

“Sufferation mashing her down.”

It’s only when you speak with that you discern the depth and degree of suffering they are enduring. And it started early.

“From the first year of marriage he showed his true colours: the lying, the cheating, the verbal abuse.”

Now, there is cheating and there is cheating, and some men may sneak around and catch a little piece now and then, have a one-off dalliance or two that means nothing to him. But there are others who make it a lifestyle, a way of life, a career, as they flaunt woman after woman in their wives’ faces. And yet the wives accept it, do nothing about it, suffer the indignity and lack of respect as they suffer in silence. Well, not in silence, for they do talk about it. Why do they stay, you may ask.

Perhaps some lack the financial independence to survive on their own, and the men take advantage of this. But others don’t. There are some who actually place the blame on themselves, thinking somehow that it’s their fault why the man always has to look elsewhere for satisfaction.

“It’s my fault why he strays; I’m not attractive enough, I have no looks or shape to turn him on.”

“I know that he has other women, for he was always attracted to beautiful women.”

“He’s highly sexed, and I can’t manage his sex drive.”

Maybe that’s their way of justifying the man’s cheating ways, as they put the onus of blame and guilt on themselves instead of seeing the man for what he really is: a serial cheater and emotional abuser.

This will continue for many years — and three or four children later — but still she stays and suffers.

“I know that I’m suffering for 20 years but at least I have my three beautiful children and we live in a nice house.”

It makes you wonder: How did she manage to bear three children for a man who she despises and who also despises her? It’s a mystery. Yes, these women actually despise the men who put them through all that suffering and will admit it when they complain, but they’ll never make a move to change the situation.

Like I said, maybe they simply accept it as their lot in life.

“I saw my mother suffer for all of her adult life with my father, and she survived. I will survive too.”

That’s the type of suffering that many women endure — the invisible, intangible type where no scars, bruises or welts are apparent. Then there is the physical type of abuse that leads to the long-term suffering where the woman is beaten, battered, brutalised, leaving marks that only a boxer could match after a bruising 10 rounds.

And yet she remains in the ring, absorbing the pugilistic pummelling. Long-suffering, waiting on the bell that never rings to end the bout. Long-suffering to the very end.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: The World Championships in Budapest are now behind us and what a wonderful spectacle it was too, with Jamaica coming fourth on the medal table, and second as far as number of medals garnered. Only USA got more medals than us. Of note, Germany didn’t win even one medal of any colour. And Spain, who won four gold to our three, won them all in race walking. Put that in perspective. Our team did exceptionally well with so many standout performances, mixed with disappointments, but such is the nature of sports. It hurts me when Jamaicans berate our athletes for not winning gold every time. They did their best and actually overperformed as they beat many so-called big name athletes in the process. Incidentally, our women’s sprint relay team actually did a faster time in the finals than in the semis, a season’s best, despite Shelly’s injury. I am so proud of our team.