Says Petruchio,

“What’s that to you?“

In other words, if she likes what I do, and I like doing it, then bug off and mind your own business. Men always want to please women for different reasons. One, he genuinely wants to make her happy, and two, he has ulterior motives; in effect, he wants something for something.

“After I spend so much on her and give her everything, I expect her to be grateful…if you know what I mean.”

Is that what they call quid pro quo? Well, whatever fancy name that’s given to it, men spend quite a bit of time, effort, and money trying to please women, sometimes going out of their way, bending backwards, travelling that extra mile, just to please her, for commensurate returns.

Men have been known to climb high mountains, traverse difficult terrain, cross vast oceans, and even do dastardly deeds, just to please a woman. Is it that trying to please a woman is the root of all evil?

Things that he wouldn’t normally do for his own parents, his friends, family, his children, he would do for a woman, especially one who he just met. Many men have uttered these words over the centuries, “I would do anything for you, my sweet, anything, just name it.”

There is no record in history of any man saying that to his parents, family, or friends throughout the annals of time. But should men do everything for a woman? Shouldn’t there be something that’s just not done? That’s why American singer Meatloaf sang, “I will do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

Whatever ‘that’ is, only he knows, but there are some men who firmly believe that every man should have a ‘that’, something they hold back on and do not do for a woman.

We’ll find out what those things are, right after these responses to what I had to say about ‘Male initiative’.

Hi Tony,

It seems that I may have, over the many years, fallen into the trap of leaving my wife to take the initiative in many situations. Her crafty way of doing that is to make suggestions, but leaving the decision to me, and when I agree, her comment would be, “Good suggestion.” The one area where I continue to take the initiative is in the bedroom.

Steve

Teerob,

Male initiative indeed, that’s a joke in my house. If I don’t do everything and take the bull by the horns, nothing ever gets done. My husband is as indecisive as a child in a candy store. He wants me to do everything and make all the decisions, but I really don’t mind, for he is completely useless anyway.

Deborah

Men have been socialised to take care of women. After all, the male is stronger physically and started out by being hunter-gatherers. The female, being weaker, stayed at home and took care of the domicile, so it was his duty to provide for and take care of her.

Interestingly, this does not usually occur in nature where the female does the brunt of the work, especially among lions, where the females are the ones who do most of the hunting. But alas, among humans, it’s the lass who needs to be protected and have things done for her.

As a result, men spend their every waking hour trying to take care of, please, provide for any woman that they are involved with, especially in the initial stages of the relationship. It just seems natural.

Not so, say some men, who take umbrage to that practice.

“When a man does everything for a woman, she takes him for granted and walks all over him.”

“No matter how much you do for a woman, she is never satisfied.”

“Always hold back something, for they’ll always expect more.”

All that and more I’ve heard from men from the Don’t Do That Club. That’s what I call them. Even little things like holding out a chair for a woman, or holding the door open for her, they are vehemently opposed to.

“That’s spoiling them; if they want equality they should do those things themselves,” say some men.

“Let her pay for her own meal and change her car tyre.” That’s cold.

More examples were cited, among them borrowing and lending. Now, Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3, ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be.’ We all know that practice can ruin a friendship, but does it apply to relationships too? “Hell yes, never lend a woman money, for she doesn’t expect to pay it back, especially if you’re sleeping with her.” That’s the common cry.

Is that true or not? Well, some women do feel entitled, and assume that what they do for the man in other areas should more than cover any loan obligations that she may owe him. Can you just imagine after a steamy night of lovemaking the man decides to ask her for the money that he loaned her?

“You’re really asking me back for that $10,000 that you loaned me, you aren’t serious?”

That money is dead, and if he insists on badgering her for it, she’ll say that he’s a mean man.

But it’s a different story if the man dares to borrow money from her, for as sure as night follows day, he is obligated to pay it back on the prescribed date, and with interest too.

“Norman, that thing that you borrowed from me, when are you paying it back?”

So, men should never borrow or lend money to a woman, for it’ll tarnish the relationship if not ruin it completely. Another thing that a man should never do is move into a woman’s house. Couples traditionally involved in a serious relationship or married, usually share a home, or in some cases, the man already owns somewhere, and she moves in with him.

That’s natural, and it works most of the time. Where it gets kinda tricky, is when the man moves into her house, that she has bought and paid for. Oh no, I see danger on the horizon.

Women are, by nature, nest builders, and even when they move into a man’s house they will tend to shift things around, rearrange stuff, throw out items and replace them with others, fix up the place to make it better, more habitable. That’s the natural order of the universe.

But a man moving into her space dare not upset the balance, her balance, that order, her order, but had better know his place, in her place. Some women might not say it out loud, but he will always feel as if he’s like a poor relative, not really having a say in the running of the house or able to make any suggestions.

“Why did you move that coffee table? Please don’t shift anything around, that’s where I want them to be.”

In his mind he’ll always be cotching like a glorified tenant. What’s even worse is if they happen to have an argument, as couples often do, and her mouth slips, as women’s mouths tend to do, “Just don’t forget whose house this is and who’s paying the bills.”

Oh no, what a grim reminder for him to know his place. In some cases even her dog or puss has more rights than him.

“Please don’t move the dog’s food dish either, that’s where he likes it.”

The only fix to that is if he contributes to the house, pays some of the bills, shows interest in the welfare and upkeep and basically carries his weight. But even so, it will always be her house, and he will never forget that. Theoretically or practically, she can always ask him to leave, throw him out, kick him to to kerb.

No man should ever put himself in that tenuous position, so that’s one thing that he should never do to a woman, move into her house, even if she suggests it.

Despite all this, there are some men who have no problem living off women and getting them to support them. They have a pattern of moving from one woman to the next, always driving their cars, living in their apartment or house, eating their food and generally living off the fat of the land.

Many of those guys don’t even work, but feel obliged and entitled to benefit from the benevolence and generosity of women. The question is, why do these women accommodate those men and allow this? But that’s another story.

In the meantime, heed some of what those gentlemen said and don’t do everything for a woman.

“Sometimes just say no.”

“I will do anything, but I won’t do that.”

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Jamaica is supposed to be the land of wood and water, and in truth we have an abundance of both. We have rivers aplenty, streams, underground water sources, and yet, almost every year we have water restrictions and lockoffs. As someone said, we don’t have a water problem, we have a water management problem. More houses are being built, the population is increasing, yet we still only have Mona reservoir and Hermitage dam as our main sources of water. If rain doesn’t fall for a few months we’re back to square one. Now the Hermitage dam is at 100 per cent and Mona reservoir at 76 per cent, and yet there are still restrictions in some areas, with water being locked off from 2:00 pm every day. If you don’t have a tank, dog nyam yu supper.