I recently had a discussion with a divorcee and the encounter prompted today’s topic. This divorcee is at retirement age but has decided to delay his retirement for another five years.

Divorce can take a toll on families, and can also come as a surprise for adult children when parents who have been married for decades decide to get divorced while in retirement. But why would married couples choose to go their separate ways after living 40 and 50 years together? Why divorce during retirement instead of much earlier? Today this article will answer these questions, examine the reasons for divorce, and recommend coping mechanisms.

Some retirees are living together in an empty nest as adult children are now on their own. However, some couples find it difficult to live together in retirement because they have grown apart. They no longer have shared interests. In some instances, the children were the common bond that kept the marriage together. Retirement also brings new freedom. Some retirees get a new lease on life and plan to make the most of the remaining years by finally doing what they wanted to do for years, but were held back due to family commitments and financial obligations. The desire to be independent becomes stronger in retirement, especially for some women who felt trapped for many years, but are now financially able to provide for themselves. For other women, the situation is different.

The financial dependence on a husband for many years can end abruptly when the husband chooses to divorce his wife in the twilight years of her life. This can be devastating for the female retiree with no income. Starting over can be difficult. Oftentimes, there is no cost attributed to the hard work of women who have been the caregivers and managers of the home for years, holding the family together while the husbands work.

It can also be a trying time for some men who are facing divorce in retirement. A male divorcee once shared that it was difficult for him as he gave his ex-wife the house and the car, and he is starting all over again. This meant he had to delay his retirement to earn and invest more.

Last week this column addressed the importance of an emergency fund. I dare say that divorce can also be viewed as an emergency as spouses may receive unexpected requests for divorce. Access to financial resources is important and an emergency fund will be necessary during and after a divorce.

Life expectancy speaks to the number of years an individual is expected to live, and believe it or not, “health and wellness” is cited as one reason given for divorce during retirement. With people living longer and with the promotion of healthy living, some retirees don’t consider themselves “old” and age has become only a number. With increased emphasis on fitness, these retirees believe they are in better health than their parents were at their age. Being divorced and retired provides an opportunity to live their lives differently.

Steps can be taken, however, to prepare parties for an amicable divorce settlement. Adult children should be kept in the loop regarding the state of affairs. It may also be necessary to consult a therapist as permanent separation can be emotionally draining. A client shared that his divorce was amicable. He took the initiative to consult with professionals his accountants and lawyers. Mediation was the preferred approach in arriving at a financial settlement, and both sides reached an agreement which saved both time and money. Retirement income formed part of the settlement, as he ensured that his ex-wife was guaranteed an income.

Embarking on a new phase of life requires both parties to plan wisely. Have a savings and spending budget in place. Consult a competent financial advisor in the preparation of a financial plan that best suits your needs. Debt incurred during a marriage can still impact parties after a divorce. Credit card debt and default mortgages can affect the credit score of both parties. These matters should be adequately covered in the financial agreement between both parties. Joint credit cards should be closed.

Opting for the mortgage-free marital home as part of the divorce settlement may not be the best decision. Property maintenance, utilities, insurance, and taxes should be factored into the financial plan. Selling the house and dividing the proceeds may be a better alternative, especially where there are other weighty financial obligations involved.

It was author Rochel Wolchin who wrote: “I used to hope you would bring me flowers. Now I plant my own.” Divorce in retirement can bring undue stress but both parties need to work out what is best for both of them.

Grace G McLean is a financial advisor and retirement specialist at BPM Financial Limited. Contact her at: gmclean@bpmfinancial or visit the website: www.bpmfinancial.com. She is also a podcaster for Living Above Self. E-mail her at livingaboveself@gmail.com