If I had my mouth, I would bite,

If I had my liberty I would do my liking,

In the meantime,

Let me be that I am,

And seek not to alter me.

— Shakespeare,
Much Ado About Nothing

FREEDOM, or the loss of it, must be one of the most important issues to people, and even animals too. Take away someone’s freedom and you basically take away their life. That’s why prisons are so effective in their punishment as they are designed to strip away the freedom of those who are sent there.

Even a short sentence can be daunting, so you can just imagine a very long one.

“I sentence you to 35 years without parole.”

What’s even worse is to put that person in solitary confinement, as not only have they lost their freedom but they’re destined to exist alone in their misery.

It was American politician Patrick Henry, centuries ago, who shouted, “Give me liberty or give me death.” Yes, some people would rather die than suffer the loss of freedom, and it was Nina Simone who sang,

‘
Stars when you shine,

You know how I feel,

Scent of the pine,

You know how I feel,

Oh freedom is mine,

And I know how I feel

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day,

And I’m feeling good.’

Ah yes, freedom is a most cherished commodity and is desired by all. Back in the day an Australian Aborigine would die if imprisoned, that’s how much impact the loss of freedom has on some people. And yet so many people take it for granted, until they enter into a relationship and only then do they realise the true value and importance of freedom.

Interestingly, some may actually enjoy this new feeling and don’t even consider it a loss of freedom, while others are more deliberate, basking in it, even treating their shackles as if they are jewellery.

We’ll see what freedom really is, right after these responses to my feelings about ‘Sexual timetable’.

Hey Teerob,

Sex is very private to me. I waited for five years before having a sexual relationship with my child’s father. I do believe in sex before marriage though, for the same reasons you gave. You can’t buy puss inna bag. You should always make it happen, even on impulse. But is a sexual timetable really necessary? Well, it might be for some.

Turner

Hi Tony,

A sexual timetable is not only necessary but essential for the well-being of any relationship if it is to be sustainable. People can’t just operate on a whim and have sex, then expect to be taken seriously. Very few men respect the woman after a one-night stand, but prefer to play the waiting game. So even though he wants it right away, he still prefers if she lets him wait a while. That timetable is her leverage.

Dennis

It was Janis Joplin who sang, ‘Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.’ And there is some truth in that. Imagine how liberated you’d feel if you had nothing to lose. It’s when you have too much to lose that you’re in bondage and fear. Nevertheless, freedom means different things to different people, and much to my surprise I discovered that freedom means something different, depending on what gender you ask.

That’s right, men view freedom, or the loss of it, differently from women — at least those who I spoke to regarding the topic. When a man gets into a relationship and eventually gets married, he often considers it as a loss of freedom. After all, he now can’t run up and down or fly free as a bird as he used to.

In fact, the bachelor night party on the eve of the wedding is considered the man’s last night of freedom. Some men put it in the same category as the last meal before a prisoner is executed, but that’s a bit extreme.

“Come man, you’re getting married tomorrow. Your free paper burn.”

That can be a daunting prospect for some men who often get nervous at the realisation that their freedom will be taken away with the impending nuptials.

“At what point did you lose your freedom?”

“When I said the words ‘I do.’ ”

Some historians say that it is written in the annals of history that a man’s freedom is erased from his life with marriage, and that’s why phrases like, ‘Tie the knot,’ ‘Wedlock,’ ‘Settle down,’ are attributed to marriage.

“Boy, I’m tying the knot tomorrow; I better enjoy the last day of freedom with my bredrin dem.”

No wonder so many grooms are nervous at the altar, even as the bride is smiling and is as cool as a cucumber. She knows that the little ring she places on his finger will have the same effect as the ring that’s inserted into a bull’s nose to control him and lead him in any direction she wants him to go.

When I asked the men to give me examples of loss of freedom, the responses were varied. Just to set the record straight, they weren’t saying that they didn’t enjoy marriage, for most of them do, but the fact remains there is a loss of freedom when you tie the knot.

For example, they can’t just run up and down like they used to in their cowboy days, or come and go as they please to every nook and cranny that gave them pleasure. Plus, as one guy said:

“Every time I leave the house, I have to tell my wife where I’m going.”

“Ha, tell her where you’re going? I have to tell mine who I’m going to see and what time I’m coming back home.”

Those are considered loss of freedoms by some men. But what’s really wrong with that? It’s just common courtesy to let your partner know of your whereabouts. But some men see it as a restriction, even though they’re not doing anything untoward or detrimental to the relationship.

“When I was single I didn’t have to account to anybody regarding my whereabouts or my time,” is what some men proclaim. Now that they’re married, they feel as if they’re in prison. The irony is, even though some men whined about this so-called loss of freedom, deep down they like it when someone cares enough to want to know what they’re doing.

Imagine just coming and going and not saying anything to your other half? Not only is it disrespectful but lends itself to an empty relationship.

“Yeah man, I got tired of the bachelor life when I roamed the streets and answered to no one.”

“True, now I have someone to share things with.”

“Do you know what I call my wife? The High Command.”

Loss of freedom isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the women view freedom, or loss of freedom, differently. Many expressed that this loss of freedom which men said marriage brings actually has the opposite effect on them.

They said they now have the freedom to relax and be themselves. No longer do they have to put on a mask, a veneer, a false outward face, a cloak of deception, but now have the freedom to be themselves.

They can now kick back, relax, and be who they want to be.

“Before I got married I had to make sure that he saw me only at my best but now, I have the freedom to relax.”

There she is, draped in her housecoat (or duster as we call it here), bunny-rabbit bedroom slippers, head full of curlers, scarf and all, awash with liniment, bay rum and face cream.

“Ah, I enjoy this sense of freedom.”

One woman even said that now she can break wind right beside her husband and feel no shame.

“Before we were married I would hold it in or run to the next room, but now I have unbridled freedom.”

Remember the fate of Mary Lee?

“Honey, was that you or the dog?”

I told you that men and women viewed freedom or the loss of it differently. The men saw it as a loss of the ability to do what they used to do, while the women viewed it as a freedom to do what they couldn’t do before. Still, there are other views.

“May we think of freedom not as the right to do as we please, but as the opportunity to do what is right.” — Peter Marshall

“Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“Freedom is found when we let go of who we’re supposed to be and embrace who we really are.” — Anonymous

The irony is, even though many men see marriage as a loss of freedom they still embrace it and even enjoy it. Many take pride in saying, “My wife tells me how to dress for certain occasions,” or “Let me run that by my wife first and get back to you.” It’s a loss of freedom that many men actually embrace and feel secure in.

Just as the women say, that loss of freedom gives them a sense of well-being and belonging. Yes, loss of freedom isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: The lax attitude towards discipline is one of concern. Another case in point is the situation with the West Indian cricketer who walked off the field during a crucial match because he disagreed with the field placing instructions given by his captain. He abandoned his teammates in their time of need. He’s the vice-captain of the team too, and was given a two-match suspension. Despite his actions and the repercussions, there are people who think that the punishment was too severe. I think that it was too lenient — he should have been sent home — and that’s why I mentioned the lax attitude towards discipline by some. Accountability for infractions is no longer appropriate as far as some people are concerned. Everyone can just do what they want and get away with a slap on the wrist.