To mourn a mischief

That is past and gone

Is the next way to draw

New mischief on.

— Shakespeare, Othello 1, 3

HOW many of us have a history of mischief behind us, a field of shattered and broken dreams, ruptured hearts strewn all over the battlefield of love and romance, leaving a mountain of emotional corpses, a huge body count?

It’s been said that what’s past is past and that we should forget about it and move on. It’s also been said that if we don’t learn from our mistakes of the past, we are doomed to repeat them. What advice should we follow? Forget and move on, or take heed of the past to avoid future mischief?

As the old Jamaican saying goes, “Tek sleep and mark death.” And as the quote above says, “To mourn a mischief that’s past and gone is the new way to draw new mischief on.”

Many of our past relationships may be classed as a type of mischief, depending, of course, on how seriously you took them. For men, they may have been just a short-term situation, meaningless mirth, meandering mayhem, hardly worth remembering.

For many women though, they may be more serious involvements with different men as they pick and choose — or they were picked and chosen — select and screen until they find the right man. Sometimes, through no fault of their own, they get involved with numerous men over time, amassing a sizeable body count.

Now, a high body count in any situation is never good, whether it be in military conflict, accidents, disease or disaster. The same applies to women with a high body count. It’s not a good look, as we’ll see right after these responses to my take on ‘Emotionally naïve’.

Teerob,

Some men are so emotionally naïve that they do ridiculous things. This young man told me that he wanted to die because his girlfriend, an older woman who he lives with, was cheating on him with their neighbour. She has five children, with the last being his. He says he loves her, yet the neighbour sleeps in his bed with his woman when he’s gone to work. She also sleeps at the neighbour’s house. Yet he still loves her. Is this love, naivety or ignorance?

PT

Hi Tony,

You shouldn’t be too hard on people who are emotionally naïve. Not everyone has the good fortune to have had an early experience with the opposite sex and learn the ways of love and romance. Many of us just wing it as we go along and try to learn from the bumps in the road. Plus, infatuation and love often knock good sense for six anyway, and we do foolish things.

Asha

Having a high body count is never a good thing, and many men are fearful, wary, cautious, nervous, suspicious of women with a high body count. At least that’s what I gleaned from an article that I read regarding that issue. But even before I read that article, it’s common knowledge that most men do not relish the idea that the woman who they’re interested in has a long string of men in her past.

“Listen, stay far from her, too much man pass through dat.”

For that reason, women tend to downplay their romantic/sexual history, and will actually lie about their high body count, just like in the military. Yes, both sides in a war will downplay their losses, even as they inflate the losses of the enemy.

The same applies to women who will always diminish their sexual past, even as men tend to inflate theirs. The author of the article says that men have good reason to be wary of women with a high body count. But we already knew that.

He says that a woman with a high body count is a dangerous choice for marriage.

“Gentlemen, let’s get real: A woman’s history matters. If she’s had a high body count she’s not going to make the stable, loyal wife you need to build a secure future. For one, she’s always going to compare you with other men.”

Now, this is very true to a large extent, for many women do not let go of their past, especially if they had a lot of men in their sexual history. So, that current man, you, had better measure up in every department, if you know what I mean.

“Man, yu better come good if yu want to match dem other strong-back men in her past.”

What a stress this must be for some men, always being compared to the body count from her past. The irony, though, is that she will never reveal it to the current man, you, but always in the back of her mind is the comparison between those other men and you. Every Tom, Dick and Harry, every Tom, Harry, and Dick is omnipresent.

Of course, she’ll tell you that you’re the biggest and the best and, just like soldiers on the battlefield, those countless bodies that make up the casualties mean nothing to her. But the comparative analyses will always be there in her mind.

“He doesn’t really match up to my last 10 boyfriends.”

This would never happen if she had a low body count, or even better, no body count at all.

She would know only you, and have no comparative frame of reference. Is that why some men prefer to marry virgins?

“Yes, honey, two inches is the normal size for men, believe me.”

And she does too, for she has nothing to compare it with.

Another thing is, she may not be able to break the bonds with her past lovers, for unlike in war, her body count does not include dead bodies as her exes are still very much alive. As the old saying goes, “Old fire stick easy to catch.”

Many husbands have suffered the fate of having their wives get involved with a body or two from her past.

“So I see that you still talking to your ex-man.”

This can be very difficult for some women who simply cannot break the bonds of the bodies of their past lover or lovers, and become conflicted even though they’re ‘happily married’. Do you remember the word from the Ojays song, ‘Your body’s here with me, but your mind is on the other side of town.’ Many bodies are easily resurrected.

There’s also the possibility of the woman being weighed down by the emotional baggage of that huge body count. That can be burdensome not only for the woman but also her current partner, you.

“Man, she weigh me down with her baggage. I couldn’t bear it any more.”

The research says that a woman with a high body count tends to be fickle because she’s used to jumping from one man to another. Why then do you think that she’ll stop her hop, step and jump at you and that you’re not just another body in her body count?

Listen, there are women in their 20s who have amassed a body count larger than you could ever imagine. So when a man tries to settle down with them it’s almost impossible, as old habits die hard.

Women with a high body count are used to being pursued by men, so in her mind, any man she’s currently involved with can easily be replaced. She may not actually do it, but she’ll always remind her current man how lucky he is for so many other men have found her desirable and wanted her. In other words, man nuh frighten her and she nuh desperate.

They say that the data do not lie, and statistically, women with fewer sexual partners, a lower body count, are more likely to have long-lasting marriages. It’s also stated that women with high body counts have a higher divorce rate compared to those with a minimal sexual history. Research or not, it’s basic common sense. When buying a car, which one would you choose, one with low mileage or one with more miles on it than a 10-year-old route taxi?

That’s why some used car salesmen will illegally reverse, roll back the odometer on cars that they’re selling.

“I tell you, only 10,000 miles on the speedometer; hardly driven at all by an old lady to church on Sundays.”

Still, there are exceptions, for there have been cases of men marrying women with a high body count and having no problems, even as there have been cases of men marrying virgins who experienced living hell when those wives bruk out and played the field, amassing a body count as big as that found on a battlefield.

The reason was, she wanted to explore the variety of experiences her girlfriends were always talking about.

“I wanted to see what I was missing after being with just one man all my life.”

Sometimes body counts come late.

So what about the high body count for men? That’s for another lesson.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Jean Barnes has passed, and it’s a huge loss. Jean was my first boss at JIS TV back in the day and was a huge influence on my professional life. She was a pioneer in broadcasting in Jamaica. She took me under her wing and virtually taught me everything there was to know about television production and directing. Jean had so much faith in me and literally threw men in the deep end, but she had no doubt that I would deliver. She was a tour de force, larger than life, bubbly, confident and full of vitality as she lit up any production in which she was involved. When I had the launch of the Oliver Samuels documentary that I produced, Jean was the first person who I invited, and while there I paid her the tributes that she deserved for making me the producer/ director that I am today. I owe so much to her and will miss her immensely.