MOTHERS are so revered that there was a day made for them long before a day was made for fathers, and mothers are seen as the fruit bearers — strong, tender, nurturing and the source of all living beings. But although for many mothers, because of all the work that they do, they deserve all the praise, there are also moms who don't — bad moms.
"We have to accept and acknowledge that not every woman who brings forth life will be nurturing towards that life, or others," says Counsellor David Anderson. "The sooner we accept that and make peace with this fact, the easier it will be to deal with so many of the issues that stem from poor parenting and guilt, especially the guilt of children who don't want to acknowledge moms who don't deserve to be honoured."
Being raised by a bad mom, or a narcissistic mom, will leave a mark, as these readers tell All Woman.
My mother had six of us, just pushed us out and pawned us off to family members to raise us. She was never motherly or nurturing or caring, yet she wore 'mother of six' like a badge, like she deserved praise. A couple of us were lucky enough to make life despite it all, but the others are either repeating the cycle, or were so affected by her narcissism, that they've been unable to be productive citizens. My mother has never said 'I love you', never attended school functions; heck, some of us didn't even have birth certificates because she just didn't bother. Throughout her whole life she was just interested in herself and how she looked and what she wore. Luckily we had dad, but how much can a man do? Now she's older and I've forgiven her, but Mother's Day is always so awkward.
My mom was like our friend, not a mother. She would do things like sit at the bar with us and drink, go to parties and get hangovers, smoke weed with us and act like a friend. In my teens it was cool, but she never matured. Looking back now, she was a huge part of the reason why I had addiction issues, and didn't have much ambition because there was just no one there to push me.
When I was 15 I dropped out of high school and my mother just let me do it, because she said I was acting like I was grown, and she wasn't going to argue with me. So I dropped out, had a boyfriend and partied, and she said nothing. It took me years to get all my subjects, and it's just now that I've been able to get a diploma. She set my life back so far, just because she was unwilling to act like a parent and deal with my teenage issues.
My mother had me at 17 and my grandmother raised me. My mother was never my mother, even when she moved out, she left me there. I understand that she was a child herself, and she had no support from my father, but even when she started doing well in life, she still didn't acknowledge me. Today she's a grandmother, and she's a loving, caring grandmother to my two-year-old, so I guess she's making it up to me and to herself.
I was testing her and asked what she would do if one of her kids came out gay, and she said she would disown them. And she wasn't joking, she was dead serious. She's so deep in her church that their stupid beliefs would be more important than showing unconditional love to her children. Any thought I'd have about showing my true self, I knew then and there that that would never happen.
My mother didn't come to my wedding because my husband was a divorcé, and her church doesn't believe in divorce. She said if he had been a widower, it would be different. So basically, a dead ex is better than a divorced ex. She missed the biggest day of my life, over foolishness. She attended my brother's wedding to a single mother though, so obviously being divorced is a bigger sin than fornicating. Mind you, she had never been in our lives much when we were younger, as she was always doing live-in work in town, so you'd think that now that she's retired, she would make up for that. But her church beliefs are more important than her kids.