THE bar is low for men, embarrassingly low, and nowhere is this seen more than in relationships and with parenting, women will tell you. In fact, it's actually on the floor depending on who you ask, and these five women reveal instances where they have been left shocked, at just how little society expects from men, as opposed to women.
My husband and I have a schedule for our toddler, he drops her off in the morning to pre-school, and I will pick her up. You should hear the other mothers, and even the teachers each time he does the drop-offs — it's like they've never seen anything like it before, and are always praising him. The fact that an involved father is seen as an anomaly and not the rule, is so sad, and it's so sad that we hype men up for doing 50-50 with the kids they created.
My husband manages a construction company. None of his workers — men and women — believe him when he says he bathes our kids at night, occasionally comes from work and cooks for the family, cleans the bathrooms, and helps the kids do projects and homework. They assume that because I work from home, I am the primary caregiver, and say he's lying when he says he helps out a lot. Apparently because he's a man, he's not supposed to do certain things.
A man in my office was sexually harassing women for years, until one woman got tired of it and made a report. There had been complaints for years but the male bosses had just brushed it off. When we got a female HR manager, the women, I guess, felt more comfortable reporting stuff, and so he was reported. And what did the other men do? They tried to get the woman to withdraw, by stating how much this perv needed the job, stating that she didn't want to ruin his life, and even went on to say that he couldn't help himself around all the attractive women. They said he had loans and kids, and that he would get counselling. Had it been another woman, she would have lost her job, but because this was a man, who couldn't control himself, the harassed woman was supposed to forgive his trespasses.
Some years back I had a partner who was the first to do things like go down on me, pay for dates, talk about my feelings when I wanted to without gaslighting me, cared how I felt, and helped around the house. I quickly gave him the title of best lover ever, because he was so considerate, unlike the rest. But now that I'm older I realise how low the bar was, because all these things are normal expectations that a woman should have, and should not be regarded as 'special' or superb just because a man does it.
Dressing up to go out, only to have your man throw on old jeans and a washed-out polo. The worst, though, was for our wedding, my husband wanted to wear his older brother's hand-me-down suit — mind you, his brother is fatter than him, and got married in the early 90s, so that style wasn't even in. None of his family saw anything wrong with what he wanted, though I was expected to dress like puss back foot because it's like I was winning a prize by just having a committed man. Because I was getting a husband I should be happy with that, and not demand that I didn't want a slovenly man standing beside me at the altar.
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