WELL, it really could be reworded as ‘how to be found by a good man’, only because men often want to do the finding. Guys want to feel as though they made the choice to choose you, while the truth will be, it’s the girl that really makes a choice to be chosen. So this is our issue — positioning yourself to be “found” by a “good man”. Because men want to feel they’re doing the chase, a lady’s strategy should be to help them do the chase — leaving him the trail of crumbs to easily follow and find you. Remember Cinderella and the prince? She couldn’t have played it better, leaving behind that slipper by “accident”.
But what is a “good man” anyway? My definition of a “good man” in this context, is a man that will be in a relationship for the long haul, willing to walk with, work with and worship with his woman, while making her feel on top of the world. Now, the Bible says, “there’s none good but one” as it speaks of God alone being defined as ultimately good. But it does mention the means of being a decent husband who does right by his wife, even as it also teaches men about a “virtuous woman”. A “good man” therefore will be loyal and sacrificially loving to his wife. So how does a woman find one such?
1) Make your list. You’ll need to know beforehand what it is you want. I recall a good friend wanting to marry her ‘dream guy’, who’d have blond hair and blue eyes. She was from Guyana, where those options where very limited. However, that’s what was on her list. She’s been married now for over 20 years to Peter from Switzerland, who has blond hair and blue eyes. Make your list, but include character and personality as a priority.
2) Pray over the list. Prayer is powerful, as it petitions the one who is in charge of providence. Luck isn’t a thing, it’s about favour from the one with power to bring people together. If my friend from Guyana could pray her list and end up being pursued by Peter in Montego Bay, Jamaica, by chance, you too can meet your Peter by ‘chance’.
3) Sift through the suitors. Men will often appear as you’d want them to be, but you’ll have to sift through those that come pursuing until you perceive the one that’s genuinely the fulfilment of your list. Be focused and committed to sifting through, as you might sift to finding the right outfit for that most important occasion. Be patient and persistent in the sifting.
4) Go out. Being available to be found comes from being available to be found. Take the time to enjoy yourself with outings. My friend left Berbice in Guyana to work in the hills of Montego Bay, Jamaica. She was doing what she enjoyed when he “found” her. Be adventurous and do what you enjoy. He may very well be the one to welcome you on the flight.
5) Dress the part. Sexy often only results in sex and not necessarily in settling down. It’s not about being sexy as much as it is about being well put-together. Men are visual creatures that function off sight. What looks good often gets time and attention. A good man who is about seeking a good woman will want to enjoy looking at his partner.
6) Don’t fear recommendations. Family and friends can also run into guys that are a great fit for you. Don’t be averse to recommendations from those that know you well.
A good relationship is one of the best treasures one could ever possess. But as with finding precious stones, it takes patient, persistent plowing. Once it’s found the joys will erase the memories of any tedious journey.
Rev Christopher Brodber is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.