Hubby is cheating with a woman at his workplace
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Dear Counsellor,

I am writing with tears in my eyes as I read your advice in the article He's married, but… My husband is cheating with a woman at his workplace who has a daughter. He told her so many lies about me. He is manipulating her and I tried to talk to her without success. She was pushing the relationship too, as they went to a hotel and spent Valentine's Day together. He is manipulating me too. My husband is looking after this lady's daughter and sometimes he doesn't even want to look after his own children. He complains about money so often.

I actually pushed him out of the home. He continues to hurt me after 18 years, telling his co-workers and everyone lies. He continues to cheat. He claims to be a Christian and this woman at his workplace claims to be a Christian too.

Our daughter is damaged because of the situation. My husband claims that he doesn't want this woman because women who want married men are fools. I want to divorce him.

You are certainly frustrated and fed up from feeling disregarded and disrespected. It is understandable that you feel like that. You've made an effort to be a wife and partner and what you're experiencing isn't what you bargained for. Take courage. The Bible says, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3) It means that there is special divine recognition, and divine intervention, for the brokenhearted. As is said, God is a gentleman, and often only acts when He's invited. Divine intervention into someone's personal life is often contingent upon their permitting Him. "Jesus help" indeed.

I remind everyone about possible office romance deception. What seems exciting can easily destroy a once healthy home. Sadly, it seems your husband has fallen prey to this deception. That said, allow me to mention a strange finding regarding some professions. Apparently, some people in certain professions have a propensity toward marital challenges — police officers, school principals, soldiers, pastors, etc. Apparently, those jobs that seem to require strictness, are commanding and controlling, require yelling, and the projection of authority, can make people susceptible to marital troubles.

Yes, some folks have to work harder to have stable marriages, and they struggle to leave their status outside their homes. Some of these jobs are often quite stressful, yet it only compounds their stress if their family is crumbling. (If your work is destroying your family life, change your work!)

My advice:

Don't act rashly: Stay objective, as best you can. Get further counsel, pray on and proceed smartly. Calling the other woman wasn't prudent. The ultimate responsibility for the situation is with your husband. It's really about his choices, not hers.

Rally support: Gather your Social Support Network (everyone should have an SSN) — example, close relatives, close church members, close friends. Call them over for a pow-wow with you and your husband. Try to have someone mature to preside. Make the atmosphere comfortable, but have a serious discussion. Take their general findings seriously.

Talk to your husband: Tell him how you're feeling. Possibly write him a letter. And if you feel at risk at all, remove yourself. Let it go and go!

All organisations should actively attempt to promote family life and family values in the workplace. A healthy family life often facilitates a productive employee. And, as the Power of Faith church ministry says, Heal the family – Heal the nation. I pray that you and your daughter heal and that you'll find the wisdom and strength to progress to a happy and successful life.

Get on The Counsellor's Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to

Christopher BRODBER

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