The undesirables

ATTRACTION is much deeper than external beauty. It also takes into account qualities and behaviours that form part of our personality – the way we treat people, our habits and behaviours, for example.

Most of us set out thinking about the qualities that we desire in a significant other, but very few of us are prepared to deal with the habits and qualities in our partners that we find unattractive. These readers detail the qualities in their exes that they found so unattractive, they had to call it quits.

Christopher, 43, teacher:

I can't stand an egotistical woman, and my ex has been just that. She was really self-absorbed – it was her all the time, her problems, her happiness. Yet, every time that I had an issue, it is almost like my pain was insignificant, or because I am a man.

Phillip, 34, medical personnel:

I can't stand a gossipy woman. I know that women will talk, it's one of those things that many women do – it's a part of their bonding. But when done excessively, it is a real turn off. When it reached the high drama and backbiting stage it got out of control – he said, she said. It felt very ghetto. It is one of the reasons that I decided that it just could not work.

Shania, 23, customer service rep:

My man was a pathological liar. The man would lie about everything – he would lock stare with me, hold my hands and try to convince me that what he was telling was the truth. The man would even cry. It was that bad. It was so bad that I started questioning myself; I couldn't do it man because it started to become so embarrassing. After all, other people – my family and friends – started to see this too, so I just couldn't stay.

O'Dane, 30, engineer:

I cannot do “dunce” girls. I liked her, but I hated her mind. She was just too simplistic. She cared more about material things. It was always about getting her wig, bundles and shoes, but never about how I could help her access opportunities or help her better herself.

Kemar, 35, sales representative:

I hated how cold-hearted my ex was. I hated that she rarely showed any emotions. No matter how much I would try to get her to soften up, she just wouldn't so I didn't know what was going on in her head. Then, if I mentioned it, she would pretend like I was needy and not masculine. It made me feel less than. I do not ever want to feel that way again.

Shamir, 32, IT technician:

Lies. It is the worst thing that a woman can do. However, I also hated that it felt like it was me, she and her entire family in the relationship. I don't mind a woman sharing bits and pieces to get advice, but everything was shared. If that ever happens again, I am running at the first sign of this.

Kemar, 24, grocer:

I had a girl and she was the most dishonest person on this earth. To top that off, she was such a liar. So she would take money from my account and even things from the house and would pretend like it was not her. I could not stand that about her.


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