What's your apology language?Monday, April 12, 2021
IT'S human to make mistakes — and chances are we have all caused a significant other or loved one grief. In response, like reflex, most of us offer the popular two-word apology, “I'm sorry”, with the hope of reconciling our differences. But sometimes “I'm sorry” just isn't enough, especially if the offended party feels unmoved by your efforts.
The truth is, even when you have the purest intentions you can sometimes miss the mark, simply because it is just not your partner's apology language — or how your partner most satisfactorily receives an apology. That said, in the same way you invest time to learn yours as well as your partner's love language, your relationship can also benefit significantly from familiarising yourself with the lesser-known sibling.
What does your apology sound like and what do you expect in an apology? A few readers share.
Ainsley, 41, painter:
I just usually try to make her laugh, then top things off with good make-up sex. I am not good with saying sorry, it always feels awkward. If she demands it though I will say it. As for me, I have learned to not expect anybody to say sorry and mean it, because most times it is just to move past the incident.
Phillip, 35, software developer:
I am big on communication, and I am going to accept being wrong or at least take responsibility for how I could have caused her pain or triggered the argument. I will then apologise and work on making sure that there is no recurrence of the same matter.
Kevin, 29, business owner:
My apology language is always first apologising, and, of course, making a peace offering, which is usually something she likes that is easy to access and most times not even expensive (she is a “it's the little things” kind of woman). And depending on how she responds, I might dive in deeper and cater to her with some good loving. Sometimes it doesn't always all happen on the same day and I respect that and just continue.
Christine, 27, bartender:
Really and truly, to say sorry, just buy something nice for me and pamper me, and as the big bonus, offer me a bombshell performance in the bedroom. If I am the one who hurt somebody though, I will say sorry and respect whichever way they want me to apologise, because the fact is people like different things in different ways.
Sean, 37, construction worker:
First off, I am going to own up to whatever I did wrong. I think as an adult it doesn't make any sense to beat around the bush or even play the blame game. When I do that then I am going to apologise, and especially if the person is important to me (whether a partner or family), I will do my best not to repeat whatever the offence was. For me, this is the same thing I expect — more than anything, I want the truth, and at least be woman enough to accept where you went wrong.
Jenice, 30, insurance agent:
I am a very intimate person, I am “touchy-feely” so, of course I need a heartfelt apology — not a two word “I am sorry”. I would want to be held even if I am still upset. I also expect to be asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an obligation, it is a privilege. The icing on the case, of course, would be being so genuine about causing me pain that you wouldn't want to repeat what you said or did. People can expect that from me because my word is my bond, but I don't usually expect it from others because I have been disappointed too many times.
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