Battling the blues
Dear Dr Royes:
Sometimes I feel as if my life is worthless. Since the hurricane I feel it even more. Nothing seems worth living for here. I want to leave the country and go abroad, but I can’t right now. I am barely making enough money to survive. My mother died last year, and I don’t have anybody to love me. I look at other people who laugh and have a good time, and I don’t understand it. Why are some people happy and others not? Why am I feeling this way?
Dear Unhappy Reader:
You ask some very deep questions. I understand that you’re feeling really bad, and no amount of comfort is going to make you feel better right now. You might be depressed and it’s very difficult for a depressed person to talk themselves into “bucking up”. You need to go and talk to someone, a minister, a psychologist, a nurse, a social worker, about your bad feelings. And the sooner you do it, the better. Otherwise, you might go on feeling worse and worse. Talking to a professional will not only relieve the pressure you’re feeling, it will help you to set some new goals for yourself.
When people are healthy in mind and body, they are happy, unless life (and people) are beating them down. At this point, your first goal should be to make yourself as healthy as possible. One reason you might be so unhappy is because your mother died recently. You probably miss her very much, and this is entirely normal. It takes a couple of years to get over the death of a loved one. You have to go through a grieving period, missing the person and saying goodbye to them inside of you. Once you have allowed yourself to grieve, you start to feel better. You can help yourself to get over your grief by looking at photographs of your mother, writing her letters, crying when you think of her. Don’t try to suppress your sadness; let it out.
You should also allow yourself to get to know more people, since it sounds as if you are lonely. Your mother would want you to have friends, wouldn’t she? When we don’t have other people in our lives, don’t have meaningful relationships, we can more easily get depressed. Get involved in some community work or a sport you like. Join an organisation. There is always a need for volunteers to help those who are not as fortunate as you. It will make you feel much better when you help other people.
Another thing that will make your mood lift is to get exercise regularly. At least three times a week, you should be exercising: walking, working out, lifting weights, joining an exercise class, whatever form of exercise you can get. If you have a video, you can get some videotapes and work out with the tapes. Exercise lifts your spirits because it releases seratonin into the bloodstream, and that is a “feel-good” hormone.
At first, you might have to force yourself to go and do these things. The alternative is that you will continue to feel miserable and sorry for yourself. Get some help, and help yourself. You can do it. If you need some motivation, put a photograph of your mother in a place that you see a lot, and write a note from your mother next to it, like “Learn to be happy for my sake,” or something that your mother would say to you.
I also believe in prayer and positive affirmations. An affirmation is a statement that makes you stronger. I would suggest that you sit for 10 minutes a day, eyes closed, breathing in and out. As you breath out, say your affirmation within yourself. One is “I am a whole and happy person.” Another could be “Life is good, and I enjoy it every day.” You’d be surprised how much better you feel after focusing on those words! The more positive you are about your improvement, the more success you will have. Being negative is going to make you feel worse, so you have nothing to lose, do you?
