Sex after the sagging

It’s one of the biggest fears about getting older – losing that sexual virility associated with youth. Most of us want to continue living sexually satisfying lives well into old age, but according to geriatrician Dr Denise Eldermire Shearer, we must understand that there are drawbacks that come with ageing, and getting certain things up and off the ground will take just a little bit longer.

“Physical contact is important and many of us want to continue with sexually satisfying activity as we grow older,” Dr Shearer said. “We must understand, however, that as a normal part of ageing, most of us may find that it takes longer to become sexually aroused.”

And so, in keeping with the physical, mental and behavioural changes that come with ageing, we also need to make allowances for changes in our “sexual apparatus”.

For women, these include a shortening and narrowing of the vagina with thinner, less flexible walls, and a reduction in the level of lubrication. For men, it takes longer to get an erection, which is harder to maintain, and some men may need longer foreplay.

But this doesn’t have to cause a damper on the sex life.

“The fact is,” says Dr Shearer, “sexual problems can be caused by illness, disability or the medications prescribed to treat them, but even the most serious health issues don’t usually have to stop you from having a satisfying sex life. Arthritis, heart disease, hypertension and diabetes are the most common culprits, but frank and regular discussions with your doctor are recommended as there are many new medications and innovations that can take care of most of the older person’s sexual challenges.”

Also, simply changing the timing and/or positions for sexual activity, for example, can go a far way in helping with these challenges. “Many men, having had a stroke, heart attack, or surgery (most often on the heart and prostate), have some difficulty and some even believe they are in danger of a recurrence if they resume sexual activity,” Dr Shearer said.

“These men, as well as the women who have had a hysterectomy or mastectomy (womb and breast removal surgery) are as capable of enjoyable sexual activity as they were before.”

Add all the other changes, factor in the constraints (real or imagined) of some diseases, sprinkle in some wrinkles, add a pinch of sagging muscles, a dollop of greying hair, top that with the denial in your own children (many children can’t fathom their parents having sexual needs) and the intense youth focus in the media, and you have a recipe for seriously suppressed sexuality, with its accompanying frustration, for older (especially single) adults, most of whom are women.

“For many,” Dr Shearer reminds, “there is the challenge of finding a suitable partner to be intimate with, as most of us forget that when you lose a spouse/significant other, not just your companion, but your sexual partner is gone.”

And indeed, how you feel may affect what you are able to do. Ageing men fearing impotence and women fearing they are no longer attractive kill the possibility of an enjoyable sex life. Have a few drinks to drown your sorrows and you exacerbate the problem, as too much alcohol can cause erection problems in men and delay orgasm in women.

“Don’t blame yourself if your partner is troubled by impotence, or lack of interest. Talk to your doctor and/or counsellor. Understand the changes facing both of you and don’t hurry sex,” Dr Shearer advises. “Spend more time on foreplay. Sex does not have to include intercourse.

Masturbation, mutual or otherwise, is a viable option. If you don’t have a partner, arrange to meet people with similar interests. As you age, sex becomes more about sharing, exchange and mutual enjoyment of activities than it is about the traditional sex act. And don’t forget to practise safe sex. Older people are as susceptible to STDs, including HIV, as anyone else.”

And there is a lot you can do to continue enjoyable sexual activity as you age. Exercise, eat properly, drink plenty of fluids, don’t smoke, avoid alcohol and try to reduce the stress in your life. See your doctor regularly and keep a positive outlook on life.

Staying sexy

. Exercise to maintain appearance, stamina and vitality.

. Wear clothing that makes you feel sexy.

. Experiment with sexual techniques.

. Keep romance alive (light candles, put rose petals on your bed).

. Do something that makes you feel good all over (massage, bubble bath).

. Write down your sexual fantasies.

. Say something positive about yourself at least once per day.

. Listen to music that you find sexy.

– Additional information from agepage.com