‘I really don’t want to be his pony…’

WHILE it’s generally known that women obsess over things like body image during sex, little do many people know that many men are also worried about some of the same things women worry about. He’ll wonder if his woman is focused on his physical flaws rather than performance, and, according to one All Woman reader, whether things like his ‘rum belly’, skinny chest, and the pig-like grunts turn her off.

Last week we polled a few men; this week we asked women to say what’s really going through their minds during lovemaking.

So men, is she comparing you to her last boyfriend; wondering how she got herself into this mess; or planning a cookie recipe while she’s with you?

This is what the women said.

What she thinks about your ‘flaws’

Marlene:

“It depends on what that flaw is. If it’s a big gut then I already knew he had one prior; if he is really skinny, that is quite fine, since I don’t go for big bodied men anyway. The only thing that would turn me off is if I realise he has a 12 inch or ‘bosun’! I would run like tief!

Kim:

Roly-poly hairs on the chest and long armpit hairs that stick together — I couldn’t even start having sex! Body odour including bad breath would just distract me and turn me off. He has to also trim his pubic hair, not shave, but trim.

Missy:

That is why you must do it in the dark, you don’t see any flaws!

Tanya:

I’ll look past the flaws — I have to because most men are so oddly built. They’ll either have chicken legs or knock knees; a strange gut or no butt. I just think about his personality, because if I start thinking about how weird he looks, I’ll crack up laughing.

Michelle:

I’ll compare him to my ex and wonder how come he’s been hiding all that. I can’t get over how blessed my boyfriend is, and I see no flaws. I just see a miracle that I’m the beneficiary of.

What she does when you’re taking too long

Marlene

I think about my favourite soap opera and what I think will happen next!

Tanya:

I tell him I’m tired and he’ll stop.

Michelle:

My mind goes to all kinds of places — what will I make for breakfast the next morning; did I clean the bathroom sink…

Gianna:

I tell him straight before that I’m not into the all night thing. If I arrive and he’s still in the departure lounge, I just tell him to stop and take another flight the next morning or something.

What she wants to hear from you, and what she doesn’t

Marlene:

I love to hear a man call me by my name! Men are not the only ones who like that! I like to hear him grunt like a pig and I love when he calls out for Jesus.

Samantha:

I like to hear the regular things: ‘Baby yuh hot!’, ‘Mi want yuh!’, ‘Yuh ah di best mi ever get!’. But I wouldn’t want to hear him call me another girl’s name. I would just get up and seh ‘come out!’

Kim

I love it when he instructs me! Sometimes it turns me on when he talks dirty, like when he asks, ‘A who a yuh man?’ etc. But it depends on the mood I am in because there are times when I just don’t want to hear all that.

Missy:

I like to hear him tell me how good I am, and if I am on top then I like when he tells me to do it again.

Tanya:

I like when he says, ‘That feels good’, or when he can’t help groaning, even though we know people may be listening. Any kind of audio from him is good.

Michelle:

I like when he just demands what he wants, it’s much better if he’s normally a reserved kinda guy. When he turns into a thug like Weezy and orders me around, I just act like a puppy and follow his orders.

Can she tell if you are faking or enjoying it?

Marlene:

Men are not good at pretending so yes I can tell when he is enjoying it. I never had a man who didn’t enjoy doing it because whether they are in the mood or not, as long as you get them in the mood they will bawl like babies.

Samantha:

Of course you can tell. If you know what he sounds like normally, then you would know when he is faking.

Missy:

Yes I can tell when he is enjoying or faking it by the look on his face. When he is enjoying it, there is this certain look; his facial expression tells it all. There is just this look that you know.

Tanya:

I can tell because I know his body more than he thinks. He can lie all he wants, but if he doesn’t peak, I know. And I know when he’s enjoying it too — it’s when your usual reserved or badass guy turns into a whimpering baby when you touch him.

Michelle:

It’s easy to tell when a man’s faking it. Apart from the lack of physical signs, his body language is just different. And when he’s enjoying it, that’s easy to tell too. It’s like watching a transformation, he can’t help but be vocal about it.

What she thinks about your moves

Tanya:

I like when he pays attention to the way my body reacts, rather than go by some template of what he thinks I’ll want, or what women want. I don’t like certain things, so if I tell you I don’t like you sticking your tongue in my ear, I expect you to listen!

Michelle:

The worst thing he can do is listen to too much dancehall or rap, and follow the instructions. No, I don’t want a one-hour session. No I really don’t want to be your pony or your jeep. No I don’t want to do it in the rain, nor on the kitchen counter. And if you insist, I will hurt you.

Gianna:

If you don’t want her to laugh, or be pissed, make sure you talk to her about what she likes and what she doesn’t like before you bust out your moves. Don’t attempt to spank me, because I have a black belt in Karate and I may retaliate and beat you up in self-defence.

Jessica:

Under no circumstances should you kiss me or try to kiss me after you’ve gone down south. No I don’t want to know what I taste like. Yes, if you insist, I will kick you out of my house and tell all your friends.