7 SECRETS TO CONFESS before you get serious
OPEN and honest communication is fundamental to any prosperous relationship. To achieve this, couples have to be willing to share thoughts, feelings and experiences with each other. If you lie or are less than fully honest with your partner, the relationship then becomes one built on dishonesty, and will then be bound for failure.
But we’re not advocating that you spill all, as not every aspect of your past needs to be told, especially if these things don’t impact or affect your present relationship. So you don’t need to tell him about that fling you had with your university professor, nor does he need to know how many partners you’ve had, even if it’s the whole football team.
However, there are certain things that every partner should be told, to be fair. These include:
1. That you are bisexual. If you are entering a relationship where you’re not fully committed to being with one sex only, the other party needs to know, especially if he/she is strongly against the lifestyle.
2. That you have a record. This is something that could come back to bite you down the road, especially if you plan to migrate or enter into business. Even if you were convicted for a minor offence, the other person needs to know. What’s not relevant are things like traffic tickets, or arrests that did not lead to conviction, if you want to keep those private.
3. That you have children. You’d be surprised to know how many people hide this information. But letting the person you are about to commit to know you have children is only fair, even if you are a deadbeat parent. An outside child could affect everything from the family finances to inheritance, so that kid you had at 13 who’s being raised by your aunt is one secret you must not keep in the family.
4. That you are/were married. This is definitely something that should be disclosed very early in the relationship. Again, give the other person the option of deciding whether or not they want to be involved with a married person. If you were married and are now separated or divorced, also let the person know, so they can decide whether they want to be with you and your baggage.
5. That you have a genetic disease. You need to confess to things like sickle cell or albinism in your family, as these could affect the health of your future children. Also tell the other person if you have the herpes simplex virus which causes cold sores, as this is easily transmissible.
6. That you are a serial cheater. No one wants to know that they are with someone who will constantly cause them pain. Disclosing that you have a “little problem” that caused you to cheat on your last 12 exes will help the new mate decide what they want to do with you.
7. That you’re an addict. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, hallucinogenic mushrooms or other people’s property, disclosing that you have a problem with boundaries is only fair to the person who is thinking of doing the forever dance with you.
Remember, if you are afraid to make any of these disclosures face to face, you can both sit with a counsellor, pastor or trusted friend who can help to make the confessing easier
