I hit him in the face just to get a reaction…
VIOLENCE should not be condoned in an intimate relationship, whether it is perpetrated by the man or the woman, and no excuse should be accepted for any abusive behaviour.
But one of the reasons intimate partner violence continues unabated is that the victim, out of fear or a desire to protect the partner and preserve the relationship, remains silent and suffers physical and emotional pain.
“You could either stay in the abusive relationship and suffer the physical pain and emotional hurt, or you could make a decision to secure your physical and emotional well-being,” relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said.
While we often hear the stories of the abused, not many people have explained the reasoning behind the abuser’s actions. Why do they do it?
Below, both male and female abusers confess what made them snap.
Teddy, 41:
Before I married my wife we used to fight nuff. I wouldn’t say it was abuse because she was not the type to sit down and take lick. But we used to fight for the least little thing. She was attractive, and I used to feel like she was cheating on me, so we used to argue a lot and most times it turned into fights.
Jasmine, 32:
I get frustrated because my boyfriend is soft. He does everything slow — drives slowly, eats slowly, and that’s frustrating. His hands are softer than mine; he can’t fix my car and he can’t kill a cockroach. When we quarrel, and it’s usually instigated by me, I hit him in the face or scratch him with my fingers just to get a reaction. Of course, he never fights back, he will just walk away.
Adam, 43:
I’m not going to pretend like it never happened, but I was young and immature. Certain things I would not do now. Mi used to lick her, yes, and sometimes I would go through her phone and so on, but, like I say, I wasn’t thinking back then the way I do now. Mi did love her, of course, but I think it was maybe jealousy, and you know that brings some amount of insecurity.
Claudienne, 38:
I guess you could call it verbal or psychological abuse, now that I think of it. I will tell him he’s no good in bed or laugh at him and tell him I’ll never marry him or have kids for him because he’s ugly and fat.
Riley, 45:
Nuff tings used to happen wid me and my wife. I don’t even want to think ’bout those things anymore. The worse one still was when she was pregnant and mi lick her. I can’t even remember what cause the argument. All mi remember is that she start spit blood. And even though mi never say anything to her, that incident jerk me into reality, because mi did think she was going to die and I was going to prison. After that mi try nuh put mi hand on her again.
Gregory, 34:
I have never been in an abusive relationship, but I have a brethren that if him girl don’t wash or cook or sweep the house on time, she get beaten. If she back-answer him, she get lick. If she go out without his permission, she get lick. If him want sex and she say no, she get lick. That deh man a mad man, but the woman worse mad fi siddung inna dat and a tek so much lick.
Paula, 45:
I will sometimes push him or spit at him, but you have to understand that he gives pure trouble. He cheats on me and brings other women in the house. One time I put a pillow over his face and sat on it. I’m much bigger than him so I almost killed him.
Wayne, 41:
I almost sock mi wife one time after she walk up and come box me ’cause she a cuss and mi nah pay her nuh mind. That was the closest mi ever come. Mi pull back mi fist to swing den hissed my teeth and storm out the house.
— Donna Hussey-Whyte
