Pregnancy on pause
EIGHTEEN years into her marriage, Veronica has resigned herself to the realisation that she will probably never have children. At 40, her biological clock is winding down, and though many 40-year-olds have children, with a 48-year-old husband, her chances are dim.
“It’s not for want of trying or praying or hoping,” Veronica tells All Woman. “The doctors see nothing medically wrong with either of us. I guess we just haven’t been blessed.”
Infertility affects millions of couples worldwide, leading to a boom in businesses that offer services like adoption and in-vitro fertilisation. It is the inability to conceive for various reasons — including blocked Fallopian tubes, endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or low sperm count.
And women experience great emotional distress as evidenced in the stories outlined below.
‘I thought everything was OK’
“For the past five years my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. But we didn’t know that something was wrong until I did some tests. I found out I had PCOS and wasn’t ovulating on a regular basis. I was placed on medication to regularise my period and also placed on fertility drugs.
“The thing is, I thought everything was OK, but it wasn’t. I started menstruating at age 14 and my cycle was irregular. It is very depressing, knowing I have been trying for so many years for something I want and look forward to, and I still can’t get pregnant. When I look at some people neglecting their children and those with unwanted pregnancies, it hurts. Right now my goals are set on getting pregnant by the end of 2015. I really want this. Though it’s depressing, I don’t blame myself. I often ask, ‘Why me, God?’ but in spite of it all I know He has plans and he’s fixing me up for something good. My husband has been very supportive and he is my comfort.
–Theresa, 30
‘Seeing other people with children is a little distressing’
“This month makes it one year that I’ve been trying to get pregnant. I’ve been tracking my period, tracking my cycle, and having sex when I’m ovulating, but nothing has worked. It is disappointing when you see other people around you with children, and those who don’t want kids having them. Seeing other people with children is a little distressing because I’m good with kids but I need one for myself. Medically, my doctor does not advise anything out of the norm as I’m perfectly healthy and the reason for the delay is unknown. I’m currently doing some tests now to see what the next step will be. My partner understands but sometimes you’ll hear him say, ‘It’s time we have a baby now’.”
— Shanti, 28
‘At nights I don’t sleep’
“I have one child, but I had that child when I was 22. Call it youthful exuberance, but I settled down and went back to school with the help of my parents and now I’m finally where I want to be. I met Mr Right and got married earlier this year and it’s been eight months and nothing, not even a scare. My husband has no children and at times he gets miserable because he says he believed I was fertile because I already have a son. I’m getting to the point of depression right now. At nights I don’t sleep, instead I stay awake and think deeply of how I am going to make him happy, when the one thing he truly wants I now have difficulty giving him.
— Tammy, 40
