While you’re waiting for Mr Right…

FINDING that special person who makes you realise just why it didn’t work out with all the others is a dream for many women. However, a woman who has kissed quite a few frogs and waited for some time without any sign of Mr Right can make some serious mistakes out of sheer frustration.

She might do several things including desperately searching for Mr Right, which can lead to a series of bad choices; and giving up on love and shutting herself away because she’s fed up, or raising her standards so high that she shuts out Mr Right along with all the Mr Wrongs.

Sometimes the frustration of being single for a long time is such that a woman masks her disappointment with not finding Mr Right by lying to herself and others. She will tell other women that she doesn’t need a man or that she’s happy with being single or even try to convince other single women that they don’t need men either.

Single women who are frustrated with being single are vulnerable and so are their friends who take relationship advice from them. Sometimes they can unintentionally use their negative experiences to poison other single women’s minds against having a partner. That is why every single woman should try to have even one woman in her circle who is not single and who is preferably in a happy marriage or relationship.

Good men are not easy to find, not even in the church, which is why there is such a rush by scores of women for the few seemingly good single men in the church. Whilst women in church are taught to wait for God’s guidance, one of the issues facing some single sisters is that they expect God to always deliver Mr Right already gift-wrapped to them in church. But sometimes you need to go minister to Mr Right out there and bring him into the fold.

Here are a few things a sister should be mindful of while she’s waiting for Mr Right.

1. Don’t become so frustrated that you choose a clear Mr Wrong just to have a man in your life. Being peacefully single is better than being unhappily hitched.

2. Examine your relationship patterns. If you notice that you are always attracted to the same kind of men and end up broken-hearted, stop and examine yourself, your choices and relationship patterns. It is very possible that the problem lies with you and you need to break it before you end up being very bitter and completely turned off men.

3. Don’t fry every man you meet in Joe’s fat. So Joe the charmer turned into a frog shortly after the first kiss. However, don’t punish every other man you meet by frying him in Joe’s fat. Yes, guard your heart, but take each person on his own merit. Don’t be too quick to judge and generalise. If you put up an iron-clad barrier against every man who comes after Joe, you could very well keep Mr Right out too.

4. Be careful who you take advice from about men, marriage and relationships. Some women who have been hurt and not healed will sometimes unintentionally use their negative experiences to share a messed up doctrine about men and relationships.

5. Try to balance your circle with even one happily married woman. A woman who like yourself has still not found Mr Right and has probably given up on finding a man is not necessarily the best person to advise you about marriage. She’s never been married and is probably masking her disappointment, so don’t be surprised if she tells you that you don’t need a man. Whilst there are women who truthfully do not want partners, being single forever is not for everyone.

6. Don’t go into church just to find a man. So you’ve kissed enough frogs and decided the best place to find Mr Right is perhaps in the church. This is not necessarily good, as Christian men are flesh too. Christian men are expected to operate based on godly principles but they are also fallible, so go into the church because you want to know and develop a relationship with God, not to find Mr Right.

7. Make the most of being single. Being married is good, especially if you have a good marriage, but being single has its perks too. So while you wait, enjoy single life. Remember, once you get hitched, every major decision requires consultation, so right now you’re free to do as you please. Enjoy the privilege.

Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePRGirl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.