Looking past your weight and loving yourself

Being in a society where you are judged primarily by your physical appearance can be a difficult experience for a woman who is at either end of the scale. She may be chastised or mocked for either being too fat or too skinny, often crippling her ability to love herself because she detests the skin she’s in.

Queenie and Kashene are on opposite sides of the scale, trying to achieve opposite goals — one to gain, and the other to lose weight, and both with the same objective to be accepted.

“I am over two times my natural body mass index, and yes, I know that apart from the health concerns that come with my weight, there is also the issue of confidence that I struggle with daily,” Queenie shared.

“Even though I try to model the designs of plus-sized American models, I can never seem to look right or go on the road and escape the constant stares.”

She said sometimes it’s very embarrassing to go into stores as even the store clerks grumble under their breaths, constantly reminding her that if store clothing is damaged she would have to pay for it.

She said this, coupled with the staring and the comments of random people on the street, have been enough to destroy her self-esteem

Kashene, on the other hand, started losing weight when she became pregnant with her second child. She was unable to keep anything down and even after the birth of her child she has been struggling to gain weight.

“I know they say slim is in, and while some people have said that I should see being skinny as a blessing, I am very uncomfortable,” she said.

“The fact that I am tall makes it even worse. “I have overheard people call me cranky, lanky, and so many other names that

I would rather not say. I have found myself overeating just so that I can reach a place that does not cause people to stare.”

Counselling psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell explained that it is common for women who are considered too fat or too skinny to struggle with loving themselves because of the societal standards of beauty.

“The standard of beauty set by society is flawed. The emphasis is on outer beauty/physical beauty, but true beauty is really in manifesting kindness, love, courage, appreciating others and showing social interest. We should not invest in the standard of beauty set by society, but learn to appreciate who we are and practise affirming ourselves with positive statements,” she said.

Dr Bell noted that it is important for women and people in general to not become fixated on the idea of physical beauty, but instead to focus on becoming better versions of themselves.

“A woman must recognise that the beauty that is endearing is taking care of all areas of wellness — mental, physical, social, spiritual, and environmental,” she stated.

“Acknowledge your strengths and attributes — affirm what you are good at and promise yourself to work on your areas of weakness.

“Additionally, you should show gratitude for life and avoid criticising

yourself and others. Never compare yourself with others, and learn to love yourself and avoid self-criticism,” Dr Bell added.